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Can this last?
May 26, 2005
Well, I don't really know where to begin. I guess I'm just sort of venting my feelings out. I'm 21, been with my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years, since the beginning of college.

I don't know how to explain things, but I just feel SO suffocated by her now that Summer has come and college classes have ended. I've never felt this way about her; I usually can't get enough of her. She has issues with jealousy and insecurity, but they've never been to any extremes. But now that we both have so much free time, it's like she's in my face constantly. Phonecalls all day, where are you, what are you doing today, who are you with, am I gonna see you today? What are you doing tomorrow?... Classes have been out for a week!

I guess my main question is, with these factors in our relationship, is this something that has potential still? Because I feel like it's kind of fizzling out, although she is really into things still. Some days I feel as though our relationship is beyond repair, then other days I feel okay about us. Here are the biggest issues I have:

1.) I'm VERY independent, spontaneous and always have options of things to do with my day. Even if my friends are busy, I'll go on a drive, do some writing, work out, run some errands: anything to keep active and out of the house. I also have a good group of close, core friends, while also mingling occasionally with acquantainces I see every few weeks or so. I feel good going out with people and not having to worry about where my g/f is or what she's doing constantly. I hate having tabs kept on me, or having to call and let people know where I am at every waking second of every hour of every day.

Her on the other hand, has zero close friends. This is not an exaggeration, but a fact. She just can't seem to form friendships with people, for reasons unbeknownst to me. During the school year she buries herself in her studies, her job, and me, and her lack of friendships is usually ignored or kind of put aside. But now that Summer is here, it's hitting her and me hard. I'm starting to get 2 or 3 random calls a day, the calls where it's "Just to say Hi" even when she knows where I am or that I'm busy. I feel as though she's very dependent on me for her happiness and sense of well-being, and that she needs constant validation from me that she is a good person, and it's not her fault that she has no friends, and that there's nothing wrong with her... etc. etc. This is a very touchy subject with her (obviously) and is very hard to talk about. After all, I can't force her to go out and make friends.

I sometimes feel obligated to invite her out with me and my friends because I know she has nothing to do with her day. She gets along with them, but I don't feel I should have to take her everywhere with me or feel guilty because I know she's at home watching TV by herself. I sometimes even get cautious of her becoming close with my close friends, in fear that if something were to happen close friendships of mine would be comprimised. I think it also has something to do with resentment I have for her not having "her own" friends.

2.) I'm very sarcastic and a chatter, and tend to just live life as carefree as possible and not create unnecessary drama where it need not be. I know when to pick my battles and also when to let certain things go (as one will learn after being in relationships), yet she takes small things to heart and wages war. She got mad at me the other day (not just annoyed, I mean MAD) simply because I went out to lunch with a bud, and didn't say goodbye to her [I]online[/I] beforehand. I can understand maybe being annoyed by such a thing, but to yell at me over the phone about it and start a full-on argument? That is something I couldn't ever see myself doing by any means, and it's slowly becoming more of a common occurence than a random shot at me.

3.) I know that I don't want to be married anytime soon, nor have children anytime soon. I just turned 21: I want to have a good time and be young and carefree while I have a chance to do so. I enjoy going to clubs, and having a few drinks now and then at bars, and etc.

She on the other hand, always hints on how she wants to marry soon after college and start her life. She and I both have one year of college left, meaning that she's looking to be married within the next couple years or so. She wants to be an elementary school teacher and have lots of kids and the white picket fence and the whole nine yards; I can't even imagine having kids before my late 20's/ early 30's.

I guess my point is, does this seem like a relationship that can last and be fulfilling for me and her both? I sometimes feel as though I just need somebody who is independent and that can rely on themselves to be happy. I truly love this girl, but whether I'm "in love" with her or not seems to be forming more doubt in my mind every single day... I don't want to waste my Summer being tied down in a clingy relationship either, when there's a million things I want to experience and have fun doing, things that I shouldn't feel guilty about.

I'm not a selfish person by any means nor am I trying to come off as the perfect boyfriend. I have my moments too. But there's a point when constant comprimise becomes too much of a burden rather than a means to a happy, fulfilling relationship. She seems like somebody who I could maybe see myself marrying 5 or 6 years down the road: when I'm actually stable, have a good job, get my MA, have experienced most of things that I want to do (travel, etc.), have a nice house and am comfortable with where I am in my life... but we're not 5 or 6 years down the road... and that's not fair to her either :nono: .

Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Sorry this ended up being a novel-sized rant, any who take the time to read it are also greatly appreciated :D .

~Nick





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