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Hi Jo,

Thanks for replying so quickly, im sat at home right now being stupid and feeling sorry for myself. Jo im in such a bad way but what you said about when you wrote a letter has made me feel like there is some hope. What really goes on in your heads?? You women can be a nightmare sometimes!!!!

Tell me, after 18 months together and several holidays, even tho she's with someone else right now do you think she will be still thinking of me??

Now I dont want to take up much of your time but below ive copied the letter that I have written to Sam, im dying for someone to read it and give me their thoughts and I thought you might be able to do this for me...??

Dear Sam

Its never easy truly expressing to someone how you really feel, its even more difficult getting the other person to understand exactly what your trying to say.

Ive written this letter knowing that I may never give it to you to read. My mind says I should walk away from you and let you decide exactly what you want, my mind says that you should not read anything that im writing here, my mind says that I should just leave you alone to get on with your life. But as much as I try, my mind is not as strong as my heart. I can make my mind think different things, I can make it decide between whats right and whatís wrong, but my mind cant tell me the truth about my feelings for you, only my heart can do that. And no matter how hard I try, I cant change what my heart tells me, I cant stop the hurt its causing me. What my heart says is that Iím in love with a very very special person, and sheís called Sam.

I know now that everything Iíve done to try and convince you to stay with me have been wrong. Every time ive pushed towards you youíve pulled away. Ive spilled my heart out to my closest friends, I asked them weather I should leave you alone or fight for you. Do I take the risk that if I leave you alone then youíll forget about me and move on with Nick? Do I risk fighting for you and push you away even further? Well I cant decide, which is why im writing you this letter.

Im an emotional wreck without you, I keep saying over and over to myself Ďif I only did this, if I only did that, if I only put in more effort, if I only showed you sooner how much you mean to meí. But now its too late, ive lost you.

You and I fell so deeply in love, we had a connection that ive never felt with anyone before in my life. Remember when you told me about people you knew liked you and that it annoyed you I didnít get jealous? Well, I was jealous, I was very very jealous. But nothing on this whole earth can make me fall out of love with you.

The last few months, ive been so stupid, I should have done so much more to save us, so much more to show you my true feelings but instead I took our relationship for granted and ended up loosing you, and now Iím paying the price. I donít think ive ever in my whole life truly knew the meaning of true love, I learnt to say to myself and to my friends that I was Ďin loveí and could say it with real meaning. I know we had our bad times and that we argued a lot, but that was telling me something, and at the time I couldínt see what that something was, but now I know and now Iím scared its too late.

Do you remember our first date, you weíre going to help me find a girlfriend, and I found one, it was you. From then on, I knew things could only get better, I knew I was the luckiest guy on this planet to find you. Our trip to the London eye was so special, even though it cost me an extra £50-00 and three shifts to Geoff Bye. That night we spent kissing, was like nothing else mattered, nothing could have taken me away from you that night. After that night I was so exited about us, I wanted every guy I knew to know that I had you, that you were mine. When we got to the Bahamas and walked into our room and saw the view we had, I knew I was in heaven. I was with the girl of my dreams in an incredibly romantic destination, and I had you all to myself. At that point, I truly thought that life couldnít get much better.

You told me a number of time that I wouldnít realise what we had until it was gone, and you were right, you were so so right. Youíve given me so many chances to change the way I became, and I didnít because I took us for granted. I had a 100% wrong attitude, I thought youíd never let me go so I became comfortable thinking I had security, but I was wrong.

Sam, I love you with all my heart and soul, you have given me so much and I have given you so little. I made one too many mistakes when we were together and now your gone. Im so sorry I didnít do the things I should have when it would have made a difference, im so sorry if I ever hurt you, and im so sorry I didnít give you the parts of me that you deserved. Everyday your not with me is like a day without sunshine, and you are my sunshine. Not having you with me has left me breathless. If us saying goodbye to our relationship is right then I would rather be wrong. You to me are my world, my sun and my stars. My heart belongs to you, you are my north, my south, my east and my west.

I wrote the following poem for you while I was at my mum and dads houseÖ

From now on, my life may change, I may not know what to do
But I know, in my mind, my only wish will be, to be with you

No matter where I go, no matter what I do
I simply cannot stop thinking of you

The first time we met, the time we had
Iíve been so stupid, everyone knows Iím mad

If you only new the changes id make
Maybe once again we could have that special date

My love for you I want to share
Your just so special, nothing can compare

If you were back in my arms, Id not let you out of my sights
Since we broke up, Iíve only had long and lonely nights

As I look at the stars, up there in the night
I only wish I was holding you tight

Youíre a girl, and Im a man
I want everyone to know, that my girlfriend is Sam

No matter how much I try, your still in my mind
As I always told everyone, your one of a kind

There can never be words to express my love for you
But I fear itís too late, I did not enough to see us thorough

I want you to know, that my love for you
From the depth of my heart, will only ever grow

When I think of you, I shiver and stutter
Because the love I thought we had, was like no other

I donít think anyone could ever come close to meaning what you meant to me Sam, I still love you and want you, I want all our good times back and I want to go out with you and have drunken nights and I want to still wake up with.

I want back the deep love we had for each other. if you can only find it in your heart to forgive me.

Iím sorry

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