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[QUOTE=goody2shuz]Girls, girls, girls.....please don't allow a guys inconsideration make you see any less of yourself!!!! I know it's a downer, but like Heartland brought up about Stacey....it's all about self-love and self image. Do not allow the disappointments to chisel away at that....you need to go into this with a good self image truly believing that you are a wonderful person to begin with and no matter what happens....you are still that great person. It seems that when things do not work out that you view yourself as a lesser person and we do not want any of that happening. :nono: You girls are wonderful, intelligent beings who are allowing this whole process to damage your confidence. If you truly see yourself as a good person then having a guy will not affect your confidence or self image at all. It will remain strong.....do not allow these guys problems and lack of consideration to reflect on who you really are....great women. :bouncing: Okay...I hope that got through.....Goody[/QUOTE]

Goody is so right in everything she says--with so much going for you ladies, there is absolutely no reason why you should allow any of these men to affect your self-esteem in any way. What is it about them that is so great that their lack of interest (which in all likelihood has little to do with you, or if it does, has nothing to do with anything that is in your power to change) has the power to alter the way you regard yourselves? What is it about anyone that should give them the power to make us feel bad about ourselves, when there are so many amazing qualities that we possess and can offer both potential lovers and friends? Sophia, I was so sad to hear that your toxic friend succeeded in skillfully manipulating you into feeling bad about yourself and doubting yourself...this is probably the only satisfaction she achieves in life, and it makes me sick that it comes at your expense. Please, please, cut her out of your life completely and don't look back...you have so much going for you, so much to offer, and she is clearly jealous, insecure, and desperate to sabotage you in any way she can. Until you refuse to have anything further to do with you, she will continue to pick at your insecurities and undermine your self-esteem in any and all ways possible. I've had numerous female friends who started off as nice and supportive, but over time did anything they could to undermine my self-esteem and ruin my relationships. They'd lie or make up rumors about me, try to seduce my boyfriends, beg guys not to date me, all the while acting like they had my best interests at heart when in my presence. Yeah right! Their lives were so pathetic and miserable that the only way they could feel any satisfaction was to see someone they envied go through a hard time. They would try so hard to manipulate me and my boyfriends into doubting or ending our relationships because they were so jealous of my happiness and confidence...the best thing I ever did was to tell them to go you-know-what as soon as it became clear just how desperate they were to ruin my life. Your friend is no different--she knows just how to prey on anything good that happens to you until you're so distracted by the negativity and doubts she exploits that you lose sight of all the positive qualities you possess and all the successes you've achieved.

It really is all about loving yourself passionately and loyally enough so that nothing and no one can shake your conviction that you are a wonderful person who deserves love and respect. This will provide the confidence and independence which appeal so strongly to men and explains why, paradoxically, the women who are happiest while single are the ones who have the best luck with men and the most eager suitors. But attracting men should be secondary, because if you aren't happy and secure in your own skin, you won't be able to sustain a healthy, fulfilling relationship anyway. Way too many women believe that their lives will be wonderful and perfect if only they can find the right man, and when that happens, end up disillusioned and disappointed that they are no happier or more fulfilled than before. No one can make you feel confident and content with your life if you don't feel that way deep inside, and there's not much point (in my view) in even bothering to try to build a serious relationship until you reach the point where you are happy on your own to the point where no man can shake your sense of self-love and independence. Heartland's post along these lines (besides being very touching, thank you!!) was really right on--there is very little chance of building an open, secure, honest, and stable relationship unless both partners already possess these qualities. Even the most amazing, loving guy can't make your life wonderful if you don't feel like you deserve to be happy and content for the rest of your life, regardless of whether or not you have a man at your side.

PS--Sophia, you may have something there...I certainly have never been known for being sensitive and nice. I am very assertive, demanding, and can definitely be bitchy at times. I never thought before that those qualities would have helped me when it came to dating, but looking back, I think most confident and driven women come across as bitchy to some people. If you think being more demanding and bitchy would help, then why not try? I actually really like being that way rather than wasting time being nice when I don't want to be...it may be time for you to put yourself first rather than worrying about what other people want/need/think and letting them affect the way you view yourself.





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