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[QUOTE=SophiaM]what if other people are as superficial as she says?[/QUOTE]There always was and will be people like that. Nothing can be done about that except to be true to yourself. The faster you can identify them, the more confident you’ll become and the sooner you can move on to a better choice.

Over the last few days on several threads, Stacy has explained her dating criteria and methods. Since she broke all the rules, I had great difficulty understanding how she could achieve such great results so quickly and with such confidence. More amazing is that she’s had this type of success repeatedly so it’s no accident. What’s her secret? Last night it hit me… she’s told us and shown us her “secret” all along. It’s a tired old topic here; it’s self-love. Stacy is the finest example of someone filled with self-love that I am aware of. It fills her with the confidence needed to move on easily if a relationship doesn’t work out but, more importantly, I believe it’s the core of how she easily finds good partners and quickly builds a relationship.

It’s amazingly simple when you think about it. Since she’s full of self-love (which everyone else sees as an honest confidence), she can easily recognize it in others… as they do in her. When she meets a potential partner (also filled with self-love) and they “click”, they develop confidence in their relationship quickly. (Since we more commonly met people without much self-love, it’s easier to picture in the negative sense. How can we develop confidence in someone who isn’t confident in themself?) So how do the two partners sense that the other isn’t a player and is just pretending to be confident? A truly confident person is amazingly consistent and open… and those two characteristics in combination are extremely difficult to fake and the stability they provide is unmistakable.

I realize now that I had a hard time understanding Stacy’s ways because most of my dating experience was different than hers. It was immediately prior to meeting my wife that I finally developed self-love so all my other experiences tended to involve girls with similar low levels of self-love. So now I'm not at all surprised that I didn’t experience what Stacy has.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Goody and Stacy, you always cheer me up!! Always. I feel so much more confident already :) So, you don't suppose it's a good idea to call NG and find out what's going on? I don't think it is, but on some level I'm tempted, only because we seemed to have such a great time together.[/QUOTE]

I'm so glad you're feeling a little better, Sophia--you really do have so much to be proud and confident about! I know how frustrating and tough it can be to go through so many duds and keep putting yourself out there and meeting new guys, but someday soon it will pay off when you finally meet that guy who sweeps you off your feet. I don't think it's a good idea to call NG because if he wants to pursue anything with you, he will contact you, no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're lukewarm or don't return his calls--if he wants you, he'll be persistent and chase you down until he finally wins you over. It can be really confusing when you meet someone that seems like such a gret match for you and someone you have so much fun with, yet he seems to disappear...but if it's meant to be, you won't be even a little confused when it comes to his intentions for you. At this point, even if NG calls, I think you have a right to be a little angry and aloof because he left you hanging...I don't like or trust guys who don't do what they say when they promise to do it, and I really think you deserve a lot better. If he gets back in touch and you want to see him, that's one thing, but I think you'd also be justified in telling him you deserve better treatment and that he blew his shot with you. I read parts of "He's Just Not That Into You" in the bookstore recently and really liked what those authors had to say...women would have a much easier time dating if we stopped making excuses or giving guys the benefit of the doubt when their actions suggest ambivalence or a lack of interest. If he's not smart enough to realize how lucky he was to meet you and not let you get away, then I think you'd be better off with a guy who is more decisive and aggressive than NG. Just my opinion, but I think you deserve nothing less than the best when it comes to both guys and friends.

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