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Relationship Health Message Board


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Confusedus, you aren't the first guy this has happened to and you certainly won't be the last. In fact, your situation is probably the most common thing that happens between a man and a woman that start off as friends...the guy just reads into her friendly personality a little too much, develops a crush, and the girl has to tell the guy to back off. I've been through this scenario back in High School so I know what you are going through. In your situation though, the girl DOES have a boyfriend already so this means that you are trying to get her to like YOU over another guy...it just isn't cool man. Put yourself in this guys shoes...would you want your girlfriend's friends making moves on her and trying to pick her up? Hell no! There's an unspoken rule that you never tread on another man's territory...nothing but bad will come out of that.

The problem goes deeper than this though...what do you do with your friendship? What will come out of that? Well, its probably safe to say that, for your own sake, maybe you should back out of this a little at a time. The reason is to save your self-esteem and ego. When you get into the OCD habit of constantly trying to acheive the impossible with a girl, it only serves to make you more and more miserable. You keep thinking that if you just keep showing her that you want her and that you're the best thing for her, she eventually will just have to fall in love with you. The reality of this situation is that the more you press her about it, the further she will run in the other direction.

So why doesn't she like you? Well, there could be a number of reasons and I guarantee you that you the she will NEVER tell you the REAL reason...there could be thousands of excuses but the bottom line is she just isn't interested in you. That's all there is to it. Think about this, ATTRACTION isn't a choice...either you like someone or you don't...that's it...she can't help NOT being attracted to you anymore than you can help BEING attracted to her...It's a very primal instinct that is completely out of our control initially. Of course, there are things that can make you less or more attracted to someone over time, but these things are also out of your direct control...these things just happen.

So, if you can just come to grips with the reality of the situation, forget about her being a potential girlfriend, and just think of her as a friend then do that...Hey, more power to you! I personally, have never been able to do that effectively...I tend to get obsessed with girls I like and have a very hard time getting over a crush. If it doesn't work out, I have to cut them off in order to get them out of my head. If you can handle it then great. However, now is the perfect time to set your sights on a new potential girlfriend...the best way to get over Girl A is to get involved with Girl B, get my point? Going out with Girl B will do many things for you: Get you over Girl A, build self-esteem and confidence, allow you to have fun in a real meaningful relationship, and possibly make Girl A a little jealous (which, by the way, is the best way to get a girl that didn't initially like you to like you now). But, getting Girl A jealous is NOT the point of dating Girl B...it is mearly a possible side effect of Girl A seeing that you aren't hung up and desperate over her anymore and getting on with your life. Don't use Girl B to get Girl A to like you...that would make you a scumb bag or something...don't do that. Find a new girl that will like you back as much as you like her, otherwise, you are just wasting each others time. Ask me anything you need to know...I feel for ya.





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