It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I am new to this site, and I think I have already answered my own question. But, I'm looking for thoughts from people who are outside the situation.

I am an attractive, divorced mother of two wonderful boys, and have a professional career. I have been on my own for 5 years (separated for 3, divorced for 2). I am very careful about the men I allow into my life and during the past 5 years, only one man has met my boys. The issue I am currently having is... I met a wonderful man about 7 months ago. His job kept him out of town and in the first three months of knowing him, I saw him only 2 times (because he was out of town on business). He did call me about every other day while he was out of town and I thought we had become fairly close. Over the past 3 months, he has been in and out of town for business, family commitments, and personal commitments. If I have to guess, I would say that I've only seen him in person about 15 times in 6 months. I was fine with that for a while, until one night when we were out, we had so much fun (he did too... he left me a message the next day telling me how much fun he had and he wanted to make a special point to tell me that). Anyway, I thought the stakes had been raised a little and I would get to start spending more time with him. However, about a month ago, when he returned from his last business trip, I was so excited to see him, he left me a message before he got on the plane saying he couldn't wait to see me, but when we went out for dinner that night - nothing. No touching at all... not even a hug or kiss. Since then, I feel things have changed. I told him I was upset and wondered what was wrong - he felt it was my fault. So, I chalked it up and tried moving on. I even sent him an email asking if he thought we were on the same page, looking for the same thing, and told him I was concerned about developing a convenience relationship and I wasn't interested in that - I wanted more. He responded and reassured me that everything was fine. However, after him being gone for the past three weekends, me seeing him for only 1 1/2 hours total (on two occasions) in about 21 days, I'm frustrated. I want more and he previously indicated he did too. I probably pushed him a little by sending another email (after the last time I saw him) saying I can't do it any more. I want more, I expect more, and I will not put my life on hold if he can't give me more. (Keep in mind that I have not had any contact with any other men during this time and am not looking for anyone else out of respect for him and a potential relationship). A couple weeks ago, I got about 20 phone calls from another man that I haven't seen in almost a year, and haven't spoken to in about 9 months. That's when it hit me... why am I hearing from a guy that I haven't even seen in a year more than I am hearing from a guy that referred to me as his girlfriend (when I was on the phone with him, one of his buddies asked who he was talking to). I did not even speak to the man calling me and did not return his calls/.

I truly don't think I am asking too much. I was very upfront with this person when we met and told him that I was looking for a commited relationship, but I expected honesty and open communication. That has not changed, but I feel a little bit now like he is trying to hold that against me. In fact, last night he responded to my last email and said he won't force his feelings and he feels like we have been in a 1 month relationship instead of a 7 month relationship. I agree to a point, which leads me to my frustration. I have tried being patient, have said very little, except that I would miss him when he is out of town, have sent him cards, left him messages (not very many - he actually calls me about 98% of the time we do talk on the phone), sent him flowers congratulating him on a new job, etc. All things I think are respectful without being overbearing and pushy.

At any rate... I am struggling a little. I probably already know the answer to this, but if I can hear from anyone that can shed some light on what this guy may be thinking, I would appreciate it. I am driving myself crazy and the two times I have seen him during the last month, I've left upset and not feeling at all appreciated. I even started reading the book - How to Tell if a Guy is Not Really Into You (or something like that), and I couldn't read it any more. Which tells me, I already have my answer. But, since I have been so careful about the men I do allow in my life, I don't understand. It seems like the few guys I have had in my life either want to spend every waking second with me, or call me constantly, or I can't get them to spend any time with me.

I would appreciate any comments... thank you!
You said you already feel like you know the answer. I think you answered it yourself!
You know exactly what you need and deserve, and you're not getting it from this man. There's no sense in trying to figure out what he could be thinking, I don't see it benefitting you in any way. The thing that will benefit you is to ask yourself if this is what you want out of a relationship. If yes, then stay. If no, then move on so you can find someone who will give you what you need. Sometimes you just have to look at things from a simple standpoint, rather than trying to dissect them and make them more complicated. Analyzing what a man could be thinking is a useless waste of time!! No one really knows! Every situation is different.
If he's in town often and you don't see him, then my guess would be that he's just not looking for a serious relationship. Especially if he took you out and didn't even kiss you! It's not always easy to tell what a guy's thinking, but I think the general consensus is that INTERESTED=KISS especially after 7 months of dating! But nonetheless, again it's not worth it to even try and answer that question. What matters is whether you're getting what you want. And you're not. You should just cut the ties nicely and tell him this isn't what you're looking for but that it was nice spending time with him.
I'm sorry, but to tell you the truth, you don't really have a relationship with this man. And that's because he doesn't really want one and has been skillfully avoiding it for the past 7 months! No wonder you're frustrated. No, I don't think you should wait for him another minute. He doesn't deserve your patience and you being so nice to him. How could he have not even kissed you the last time you saw him? How much more proof do you need that you have to start looking elsewhere? The writing is really all over the wall. I would advise you to get rid of this time waster and try to meet other guys who are actually interested in a real relationship. Good luck!
There is something very wrong with this situation. I do not think you should waste another minute of your life with this man. After 7 months, things should have progressed significantly by now if he really cared.
When I was single and dating, it was very obvious when guys were really interested. They did the "chasing" and were very attentive and wanted to see me frequently. There was never a doubt in my mind if they cared, because they made it a point to show me they did. When you have to spend time contemplating if a man really cares - I can guarantee you, it is not a relationship that will make you happy. Personally, I think that God made men to be the pursuers and they naturally will go after a girl they are really interested in and attracted to. I think you have done everything right. These are my opinions regarding the situation:
1) I have a feeling that he may be married or in a relationship with someone else already
2) He has problems with intimacy
3) He does not care for you more than a friend

None of the above will make you happy. Please know that you deserve someone that will be able to share their heart and time with you. Don't settle for less.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:40 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!