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I am in a relationship with a girl and I'm attracted to her. I love her, she's my friend, and with her I've went through true, serious times. I don't think I should sworn myself to her, but I had no desire for anyone else but her. I like being sworn to somebody.
The problem, it's my best girl friend. Well, my longtime best friend is still just like he's always been, but your best friends change to your environment and to suit your life at the time you live it. Right now I consider the person I am closest to, a girl that is originally from the same place as me. The priority of a relationship with a friend, it rises and falls, though the relationship does not at some point cease. My girlfriend that I date, by the nature of my humanity, is upon this spectrum herself, and it's not like she is plummeting to the bottom of my most wanted. But the other girl, she can become more of what I like. I... want her most of all, and when I started to spend time with her again (after a 4 week seperation), I know straight up that my feelings for my girlfriend are misguided. I wrongly spend them on a woman that just fills me with desire, but not admiration. I'm pretending that it's her giving me a feeling that somebody else gives me.
My best friend, we never dated, but even undeclared we have a relationship that is in between a friend and a lover. I want to be with my girlfriend for absolute. I really love her. But I love her differently, because she's so beautiful and she has innocent passion, although she is really jealous when I get approached by girls and sometimes by guys which I don't even want to be approached by... But my friend, I sleep in bed with her, and I'm attracted to her. She won't take a girlfriend, and she doesn't sleep with anyone, as in, not just laying with them as she does with me. Instead she calls me everyday and I go have lunch with her and talk, and spend all day with her sometimes. She goes out but she begs me to come with her, and if she drinks she calls me and wants to talk. My girlfriend is so busy that I can't normally spend a whole day with her, and she is just starting her adulthood and taking schooling. But if she drinks she does the same thing.
These are 2 really different people. My friend, very proud, strong, self-reliant, and outwardly like me.
My girlfriend, shy, irresponsible, fragile, stresse but disiplined. Inwardly, like me.
Woman are complicated, and I would not cheat on my girlfriend, even with other models or if I was on alchohol or substances. But then, when your heart is split, you can't see nor feel such a division, so I should not noticably change the context of my relationships.

This is a really hard relationship situation. I, can't decide. I can't possibly give one up. I could be without either of them, physically, the way 2 people are in that regard. Because for the first time, I love a person unconditionally, and now, it so happens that it's not just one person and I think I would go away from them both because they just remind me of each other.
The other day, I was suppose to go out with my best friend, and I stood her up for the first time. It was to be with my girl. And so my friend was so mad that she said she would slap me if people weren't there to see.
Then my girlfriend went away for 7 days, and I spent like the first 3 of them she was gone either in bed with my friend sleeping, watching movies, going to parties which lead to afterparties which lead to the secret model diet, going to dinner at one point, having less conversation as usual, and noticing, because she doesn't want me to have a girlfriend, won't be mine, which is whatever, but its how we are and I like that.
Some things I do, outside who I like, are not reflective of the matter at hand. What's maybe, a good way to make these feelings stop? They're too much for me.





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