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Relationship Health Message Board

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Ant2005, I understand that there are probably some very serious reasons why she acts the way she does with you and men in general...I'm more than certain that what happened to her dad caused a lot of trauma for her...its quite a shame actually that she had to go through something like that. Her mom isn't helping things much by spoiling her all this time either. I have to say that there can be a million and one reasons why someone acts the way they do, but here is where you have to draw the line. You feel like you want to be her Superman and come save her from all that, but the reality is you cannot.

First thing, you are NOT responsible for what happened to her and shouldn't stand for being mistreated because of it. Your role, really, is to be compassionate and understanding yet demanding of a mutual respect. You are her boyfriend, not her psychiatrist or her punching bag. It's not really your place to try and help her sort out the problems of her past. If you try to change her, you will only make things worse. That's why you gotta remember that when you meet someone, they are who they are...that's should expect no more than that.

I think maybe she has a lot of issues she needs to deal with before she can fully appreciate and respect someone like you and a mutual relationship. If she hasn't already, she should probably seek therapy to help with this...I would suggest this a couple of times to her, but if she seems resistant to the idea then just drop it. Accept the fact that SHE has to be willing to get help and you have to support her in her decisions. Unfortunately, thats about all you can do. If she doesn't want help then you will have to decide for yourself if you can continue on this way.

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