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We have had several discussions on this topic, including the "rules". So, I thought it would be a good thread to start.

Everyone has a difference of opinion when it comes to "playing games" or should I call it, "mating games"!

Should a woman should hold back in the beginning or she should come right out and admit her interest?

I have learned from experience that most men are more interested in women who are hard to get or "not easily won over". Mostly, what I am referring to is the woman's heart and soul, not just her body.

From experience, I know that it's when I am least interested in the man, that he is the one who likes me the most.

I think this would be a very interesting topic...so let the discussions begin...especially from the men posters!! :D
Good thread, GE! So, I wonder, what about these couples, some of them on this board, who seem to be so "into" each other practically from the start and not hiding it or employing any or most of these "rules"? Does that ever work long-term, I wonder? Clearly, there has been quite a few couples who seem to be equally interested and attracted to each other from the start, and the woman doesn't have to pretend she's so "hard to get."

I know in my sister's case, it was very quick, and they really seemed to like each other very early on and spent a lot of time together. Practically every day. After a month of dating, I remember my sister saying that she thought this guy was "the one." Of course, I completely dismissed it as nonsense. Well, they ended up getting married and are very happy together a year later. So, I think not every relationship has to follow a certain path. I am very curious about what other posters' experiences are, of course.
From one guy's point of view. It may have worked when I was younger, but at my age now.. I don't have the time for it. I won't work for me.

I suppose it may still work for others in my age bracket, but I think for the most part, that is something that is categorized with the younger age group.

HOOP! ( easy and sleasy! ) :D
Probably, when you get older and more eager to settle down, I guess you are more straightforward about what you want.

It's true that nothing is written in stone and what works for some folks doesn't work for others, but I still believe strongly that if a woman leaves some mystery in the beginning of a relationship and is not always available, it does make her more desirable to most men. Older or younger. ;)
This is happening to me as we speak, I am absolutly gaga over a girl here at work and she gives me just enough attention to keep me interested. Sometimes she will answear my emails sometimes she ignores them. She is driving me crazy. Having said this there is a difference between playing hard to get and going overboard. It is important not to lead someone along if there is not intent to ever let him in ?
How old are you Ranger??? And how old is she??? I think it's great that as a guy you give us a little perspective as to how guys think when girls play by some rules. It sounds as if this keeps up you may lose interest because she makes it so difficult to read how she feels....when there's a good chance that she does have the same feelings towards you but is reluctant to demonstrate them to you. Tell us....if she did email you as readily as you do her would you still be interested in her??? Inquiring minds would like to know :D ....Goody :wave:
i've thought a lot about this one. i really think that the whole point is not to 'play' hard to get- it's to be legitimately hard to get. that is, have lots of hobbies and interests and passions, so that it's not that you're sitting there letting the phone ring or not answering an e-mail. instead, you're out doing exciting things on your own, which will make you seem hard to get, when in fact you're just living your life.

i also think that i could have 'played' my last boyfriend, and quite possibly have succeeded, but i decided that i didn't want to be with someone who needs excessive game playing to be interested in me. i have enough of a life for someone to want me and if it wasn't enough for him, cest la vie!
[QUOTE=opielonghorn]i've thought a lot about this one. i really think that the whole point is not to 'play' hard to get- it's to be legitimately hard to get. that is, have lots of hobbies and interests and passions, so that it's not that you're sitting there letting the phone ring or not answering an e-mail. instead, you're out doing exciting things on your own, which will make you seem hard to get, when in fact you're just living your life.

i also think that i could have 'played' my last boyfriend, and quite possibly have succeeded, but i decided that i didn't want to be with someone who needs excessive game playing to be interested in me. i have enough of a life for someone to want me and if it wasn't enough for him, cest la vie![/QUOTE]

FINALLY, someone read my mind!!!
it's nice to know someone agrees with me, too!! :)
I totally agree that one should not sit by the phone waiting for the phone to ring and that we should be the person that we truly are in terms of pursuing our interests and passions in life and not allow a man/woman to interfere with that. After all...the end result is that we should be accepted for who we naturally are. Some people like to talk on a daily basis on the phone with somebody who is special to them and others do not. I just feel that when we change the way we would naturally be in order to second guess another, then we are "playing games" and not allowing things to naturally unfold. I like a person to see me for the person that I truly am, flaws and all, and not have to think how to act or speak and accept me as so. And that's the way I would like to see another. That's all I meant to say....anything else I would consider "playing games".

Greeneyes....I think that you & I agree more than you may think but perhaps may have misunderstood one another...and for that I apologize ;) ......Goody
[QUOTE=opielonghorn]i've thought a lot about this one. i really think that the whole point is not to 'play' hard to get- it's to be legitimately hard to get. that is, have lots of hobbies and interests and passions, so that it's not that you're sitting there letting the phone ring or not answering an e-mail. instead, you're out doing exciting things on your own, which will make you seem hard to get, when in fact you're just living your life.

i also think that i could have 'played' my last boyfriend, and quite possibly have succeeded, but i decided that i didn't want to be with someone who needs excessive game playing to be interested in me. i have enough of a life for someone to want me and if it wasn't enough for him, cest la vie![/QUOTE]
This is EXACTLY what the books teach. Have a life of your own, so that you don't make the man your life. That way you keep perspective.
When I said it's better for a woman not to be so easily won over and that men like a challenge, I wasn't saying that you shouldn't be yourself. You are still yourself, you are just being extra careful to avoid getting your heart broken.

And Goody, don't worry about hurting my feelings. That's what these boards are for...to express differences of opinion.

I appreciate your opinions and think you give very good advice.

What I've been trying to say all along is what Evy said, really the books are teaching you how to love yourself and respect yourself enough not to center your life around a man. You are completely whole with or without a man in your life. They are meant to be a complement to our lives, not a necessity. It's when we think they are a "necessity" that we become desperate and I think that's when we attract the wrong men or stay in relationships that are not healthy.

I have NEVER changed my personality to keep a man, but I have held back in the beginning a lot of times to keep them wanting more. I just don't see anything wrong with this. It doesn't mean you are being someone different, it just means shows that you are not always available and have a busy life.

What works for one person, however, may not work for someone else. And, also, it is true that not all men are alike and some of them actually do enjoy being pursued, but I still think this is rare in most cases. Again, this is just my opinion!
All of this being said, emotionally healthy older men think differently then younger men. Older men look for kindness in a woman, not necessarily the same challenge a young man looks for. It would seem that they mature and grow up, just like we do! ;)
[QUOTE=goody2shuz]How old are you Ranger??? And how old is she??? I think it's great that as a guy you give us a little perspective as to how guys think when girls play by some rules. It sounds as if this keeps up you may lose interest because she makes it so difficult to read how she feels....when there's a good chance that she does have the same feelings towards you but is reluctant to demonstrate them to you. Tell us....if she did email you as readily as you do her would you still be interested in her??? Inquiring minds would like to know :D ....Goody :wave:[/QUOTE]

I am mid 40's and she is 18 :bouncing: haha no kidding, she is I think just 30. I will get little stuff and leave it in her drawer when she is at lunch ya know like a small braclett or a cert to get her nails done stuff like that. YEs that is a good chance and she has told me that she has feelings but does not know how to respond. I do not know if I would feel the same, I mean I had a diff situation where a girl was after me and she would get ****** if I did not respond or ans the phone so maybe not. Who knows, this is my favorite part the chase, the seduction, the before after it seems to get all twisted up. :rolleyes:

Rangerrrrrrrrrrr :cool:
[QUOTE=Ranger185]I am mid 40's and she is 18 :bouncing: haha no kidding, she is I think just 30. I will get little stuff and leave it in her drawer when she is at lunch ya know like a small braclett or a cert to get her nails done stuff like that. YEs that is a good chance and she has told me that she has feelings but does not know how to respond. I do not know if I would feel the same, I mean I had a diff situation where a girl was after me and she would get ****** if I did not respond or ans the phone so maybe not. Who knows, this is my favorite part the chase, the seduction, the before after it seems to get all twisted up. :rolleyes:

Rangerrrrrrrrrrr :cool:[/QUOTE]

Ranger, at 40 you are making the point that women SHOULD play hard to get. You just said that the chase is your favorite part. I think a different question should be asked as well. If a couple sends all this energy on the chase and gives no thought to what comes after, where do they go once he's "Caught" her. Does he slice off her head and mount her on a wall, then off to the chase again for something bigger, better and more of a challenge? This thinking doesn't put the emphasis where it should be, on the quality of the relationship two people are creating. Any thoughs on how to transition?
Hey guys! Great discussion!
I've heard all sorts of things from all sorts of articles and books. Some even go as far as to say that the "secret" to making a man fall in love with you is to spend a lot of time with him at first, then disappear for a week or so, then come back. To me, this is all simply an attempt to take something non-concrete and make it concrete so that all you have to do is follow an instruction manual. Love and relationships come with no such instruction manual. With that in mind, I don't believe in games one bit.
I wouldn't want to be with a guy who's going to lose interest in me if I spend too much time with him! I don't want him to want me simply for the "chase"! I want the real thing... a guy who will want to be around me for the rest of our lives! Of course, everyone needs a certain amount of space... but if he seems to value his independence more than me, I'm outta there! That's how my last relationship ended actually.
As most of you know, I am not holding back anything right now with my current guy, and neither is he. I'm not going to purposely make plans to "not see him" in a silly attempt to hold his interest! Like I said, if I have to play games to make a relationship work then it's not the right relationship... and we'd be playing games for the rest of our lives. The right relationship just comes naturally.
Um don't read to much into my comment about this being my favorite part, I just enjoy the hunt. Throw another twist into it, we are both married, :eek: and I guess we just enjoy the flirting. :o It started out just I dunno dumb stuff and it progressed from there. I am not sure it will ever go "beyond" this work thing but it is fun and makes the day go by faster. My favorite is when I email her an ask what color, (panties) my fav response is "none" hahahah Ok I am ducking ahead of time, I can feel the negative posts on their way :nono: hahaha

Rangerrrrrrrrr :cool:
Ha, ha, ha, ha.....Evy you are sooo funny. If a guy could hunt a girl down like an 8 pointer Buck and go in for the kill, why shouldn't he mount her on a wall :D Afterall...it must take as much strategy and careful planning on his part just like it does to get a deer in the crosshairs!!!!

Anyway...Ranger...my advice is you shouldn't be hunting at all when you're license is invalid (if you get my drift :rolleyes: ) And you're playing games and the type of game you are playing only hurts others. You are right when you say the before & after all gets twisted up....that's what happens when you're married and chase after other women. Not many here will support type of game playing.....Goody
[QUOTE=evy38]Ranger, at 40 you are making the point that women SHOULD play hard to get. You just said that the chase is your favorite part. I think a different question should be asked as well. If a couple sends all this energy on the chase and gives no thought to what comes after, where do they go once he's "Caught" her. Does he slice off her head and mount her on a wall, then off to the chase again for something bigger, better and more of a challenge? This thinking doesn't put the emphasis where it should be, on the quality of the relationship two people are creating. Any thoughs on how to transition?[/QUOTE]

Even after he has "caught" you so to speak, you can still be somewhat elusive after you have formed an exclusive relationship. Don't have your world evolve around your lover/boyfriend. Keep some part of yourself to yourself. There is no harm done and it makes the relationship more exciting.

Men do not want the responsibility for a girlfriend's happiness, that's why they are attracted to women who are ALREADY happy on their own and actually don't NEED a man to make them happy.

What man, in his right mind, wants the responsibility for someone else's happiness?
Ok ranger, we need to put you in a whole different category. We are talking about emotionally healthy single men looking for a committed relationship. I think you might fit into the player category. A relatively honest, maybe minor, one, but a player, none the less. It makes perfect sense that players like the chase the best. They don't intend to get to the second phase, either consciously or unconsciously.
Oh man got booted from the thread, I really never considered myself a player though dang does that mean I have to get funny rims on my car and a car that you can hear coming from 6 miles away. :yawn:


Ranger :cool:
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]Men do not want the responsibility for a girlfriend's happiness, that's why they are attracted to women who are ALREADY happy on their own and actually don't NEED a man to make them happy.

What man, in his right mind, wants the responsibility for someone else's happiness?[/QUOTE]I completely agree with you, GE. Couples should share happiness, not make it for each other.

Like in the rest of your posts, you make perfect sense. :)
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]Even after he has "caught" you so to speak, you can still be somewhat elusive after you have formed an exclusive relationship. Don't have your world evolve around your lover/boyfriend. Keep some part of yourself to yourself. There is no harm done and it makes the relationship more exciting.

Men do not want the responsibility for a girlfriend's happiness, that's why they are attracted to women who are ALREADY happy on their own and actually don't NEED a man to make them happy.

What man, in his right mind, wants the responsibility for someone else's happiness?[/QUOTE]
I do get and even agree with this GE, but at what point do we get to the "Loving" part of love? At what point do we decide to accept the faults and the hairs or lack there of, the snoring and the less then perfect waistline, the fact that he didn't finish college or she has a lot of blonde moments, (No offence blondes ;) ). At what point do we choose to be as real as possible, share that maybe we do have doubts and fears anbd do sometimes get lonely. Maybe never to a player, but what about the rest of them?
[QUOTE=Ranger185]Oh man got booted from the thread, I really never considered myself a player though dang does that mean I have to get funny rims on my car and a car that you can hear coming from 6 miles away. :yawn:


Ranger :cool:[/QUOTE]
It would certainly warn us you're comming. ;)
My personal opinion is that if you are looking for a "relationship" then playing hard to get does not work. Put your interest out there and let the guy know that you are attracted to him, interested in getting to know him better etc. etc....If he runs the other way then you are better off without him. Being upfront from the get-go will weed out the ones you don't have time for.

Now...if you are just wanting to "hook up" and "hang out" and don't want anything serious I think a little playing hard to get will work. It steams up the passion a bit and provides some mystery and flirting opportunites.
[QUOTE=evy38]I do get and even agree with this GE, but at what point do we get to the "Loving" part of love? At what point do we decide to accept the faults and the hairs or lack there of, the snoring and the less then perfect waistline, the fact that he didn't finish college or she has a lot of blonde moments, (No offence blondes ;) ). At what point do we choose to be as real as possible, share that maybe we do have doubts and fears anbd do sometimes get lonely. Maybe never to a player, but what about the rest of them?[/QUOTE]

Evy, I'm just talking about in the beginning of a relationship, that's it good to be not so easily won over. Then, if the man is real, and not a player, he will stick by you and your relationship grows from there. YOu always take the chance of running into a man who will play you. That's just life. But when a so called player falls in love, then what? He's not a player anymore!

I still think that a man is more intrigued by a woman who is a bit mysterious, in the beginning at least. Then later, when the relationship grows exclusive, you can share more intimate feelings and emotions about each other. You are still intimate and loving, but you still keep a special place to yourself, or I guess I would say you still keep your independence.
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]Evy, I'm just talking about in the beginning of a relationship, that's it good to be not so easily won over. Then, if the man is real, and not a player, he will stick by you and your relationship grows from there. YOu always take the chance of running into a man who will play you. That's just life. But when a so called player falls in love, then what? He's not a player anymore!

I still think that a man is more intrigued by a woman who is a bit mysterious, in the beginning at least. Then later, when the relationship grows exclusive, you can share more intimate feelings and emotions about each other. You are still intimate and loving, but you still keep a special place to yourself, or I guess I would say you still keep your independence.[/QUOTE]

I agree. I think it's just a matter of just being aware of whether he's on the same page with you emotionally. If he says he'll call Tuesday afternoon and doesn't call till the weekend, then you're obviously not on his mind very much, and he's probably seeing other women or just isn't that interested. I think when a man is really interested in you, he makes sure you know it. Especially when you first start seeing each other, if he can't do what he says he's going to do, then I think you'd be better off seeing what else is out there.
I agree with everything GreenEyes and Nini are saying. I've said before the books are excellent for teaching women how necessary it is to love and value themselves. Here is the real issue I have. They explain certain mechanics of dating a certain way. They also require a woman be somewhat self absorbed. Not a bad thing when dating, I guess. But we also know that men are out there following their own rules. These also require that THEY be self absorbed. What none of these books do well is explain, guide or suggest how two self-absorbed, from the beginning, people are supposed to transition into a partnership where the needs of the whole must take precedence over the needs of the individual. Has anybody actually read "The Rules"? It actually brags that if you follow their rules, not only will your husband never want any "me" time with his friends, he won't want you out of his sight long enough for you to have time with friends! It is an extreme book that tells you dating is work, not always fun, your job is to be available not enjoy yourself, but suck it up because this is what you must do to get married. "Why Men love Bi*&#hs" is a much milder book, but again it explains how to hook, but not how to hold in any SIGNAFICANT way. This book, though, is an excellent source for women who don't truly appreciate themselves and I would recomend it, there is alot of useful info in it. Most of these books make MANY good points, but it seems to me that love is alot like religion. One book can't explain everything, and we have to trust our gut with the rest.
[QUOTE=evy38]I agree with everything GreenEyes and Nini are saying. I've said before the books are excellent for teaching women how necessary it is to love and value themselves. Here is the real issue I have. They explain certain mechanics of dating a certain way. They also require a woman be somewhat self absorbed. Not a bad thing when dating, I guess. But we also know that men are out there following their own rules. These also require that THEY be self absorbed. What none of these books do well is explain, guide or suggest how two self-absorbed, from the beginning, people are supposed to transition into a partnership where the needs of the whole must take precedence over the needs of the individual. Has anybody actually read "The Rules"? It actually brags that if you follow their rules, not only will your husband never want any "me" time with his friends, he won't want you out of his sight long enough for you to have time with friends! It is an extreme book that tells you dating is work, not always fun, your job is to be available not enjoy yourself, but suck it up because this is what you must do to get married. "Why Men love Bi*&#hs" is a much milder book, but again it explains how to hook, but not how to hold in any SIGNAFICANT way. This book, though, is an excellent source for women who don't truly appreciate themselves and I would recomend it, there is alot of useful info in it. Most of these books make MANY good points, but it seems to me that love is alot like religion. One book can't explain everything, and we have to trust our gut with the rest.[/QUOTE]

The Rules is a very controversial book, indeed. I agree with certain points, but never adhere to them strictly. I just use some of the information to invent my own watered down version. I still use my heart in the equation and also my intuition.

Following your heart and gut instincts are very important, but I believe it must be done with caution and intelligence. There is a certain balance here, or I guess, as another poster would say, "a dance" that goes on in the beginning of a relationship...whether the "dance" develops into something long term or not is up to the man and woman involved. I still believe that when it's harder to get something or we have to work for it more, then it is valued more. It's just human nature. We just don't value anything as much when it comes too easily. Why do you think all those "trust babies" have serious drug and relationship problems??? Hope this makes sense. I am going to start another thread about my current dilemma!

Oh, I read that book too, and it has a lot of good pointers. It's really all about believing in yourself and not being dependent on male companionship for happiness!
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]I still believe that when it's harder to get something or we have to work for it more, then it is valued more. It's just human nature.[/QUOTE]I absolutely agree with your quote so youíll probably be surprised when I say that a huge factor in selecting my wife was that she didnít play games. I viewed dating itself as hard work, as many women here have said, too. Since I viewed dating that way and then found a woman that turned every moment with her into [u]uncomplicated[/u] joy, I knew I found a valuable treasure.

So while your quote is absolutely true, there is more than one way to apply it to relationships. In a way, it suggests that we canít appeal to everyone because we arenít all looking for the same thing.
[QUOTE=heartlandguy]I absolutely agree with your quote so youíll probably be surprised when I say that a huge factor in selecting my wife was that she didnít play games. I viewed dating itself as hard work, as many women here have said, too. Since I viewed dating that way and then found a woman that turned every moment with her into [u]uncomplicated[/u] joy, I knew I found a valuable treasure.

So while your quote is absolutely true, there is more than one way to apply it to relationships. In a way, it suggests that we canít appeal to everyone because we arenít all looking for the same thing.[/QUOTE]

I think you really nailed it, Heartland. The most appealing, charismatic, and intriguing people are those who try to see the fun and joy in everything they do. Honestly, I just can't understand why anyone sees dating as hard work rather than a wonderful opportunity to be free, in control, and to have a great time being treated like a princess while meeting lots of hand-selected, cool new people. I do think this attitude shines through somehow, as I've had excellent luck with dating since my breakup a few months back. I know that the only guys I've dated and liked were those who seemed to have a lively, mischevious glint in their eyes and seemed to really enjoy being with me. Too many guys were way too serious and nervous, as if dating was some final exam they had to pass, and that was a complete and total turn-off. Everyone wants to find someone who is fun, upbeat, and excited regardless of what's going on, in addition to being very content in their own skin, confident, independent, and just generally happy with their lives and whatever they happen to be doing at the time.

Lately, I've been wondering a lot why it seems that the people who are most interested in settling down with "the one" have little success with the opposite sex, while people who are just having fun and seeing what happens (even though both people are dating with the same long term goal) seems to attract way too many people to even keep track of. It seems to me that the more you enjoy dating, being single, and living independently, the more attractive you will seem, and the more you hate dating and view it as tedious, difficult work rather than fun, the less likely you are to have success with the opposite sex. It's almost like approaching dating with a serious attitude, like it's an unpleasant but necessary process if you are to find your life partner, makes it much less likely that you will achieve this goal. I don't know, but I have definitely noticed that just when I decide I don't want a relationship and would rather enjoy being single and dating around, I end up in a relationship with a really wonderful man. The harder you try when it comes to dating, the less likely you are to succeed, which is quite understandably not an easy concept to grasp, much less accept, for people who are taught that you can succeed in anything you put your mind to if only you work hard enough at it. It's definitely counter-intuitive, but any goal you can achieve by just sitting back, relaxing, and having a great time is worth attaining in my view!
I think dating could seem tedious to some people (often including myself), because in some ways it's a lot like going on countless job interviews, and job interviews are generally not considered fun. From my point of view, I like dating, i.e. getting to know someone I like and discovering new things about him, but I don't like going on a lot of first dates with various strangers, some of whom are not so interesting or charming, or even polite. I don't particularly like having to repeat myself for the gazillionth time and sometimes having to endure dates with men I am not really interested in (but can't leave right away cause that would be rude). Not to mention dealing with their bitterness if I don't want to see them again. I'm sure a lot of people, both men and women, would relate to this. That's why I think one can only do internet dating for a limited length of time before burning out. It's a good tool to meet new people, but I think many people who have been doing it for years (a friend of mine comes to mind) and for some reason still haven't found the person they have a mutual desire to get to know on a deeper level, I can completely understand how it could become a rather draining activity for them. Stacy, I think you are incredibly lucky that you always only met guys who treated you like a princess. I know you deserve it and it's great you've only had such good experiences, but I also know that that's not always the case for everyone, and so I understand that all this dating might start feeling a bit frustrating to some.
That makes a lot of sense, Sophia, and I appreciate you taking the time to explain your perspective. I had been kind of confused about why people viewed dating as a negative experience, but I understand a lot better now where they are coming from. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand other people's perspectives, so I am always grateful when someone wise makes the effort to clue me into where people with different viewpoints are coming from. Thanks Sophia, and I do think you're right...I definitely agree that online dating can definitely get tedious, with all the emails and phone calls to keep up with, having to keep everyone straight, and tell them the same details about you over and over. I'm sorry you haven't been too thrilled with your recent experiences with online dating, and maybe a break is just what you need. I personally find that after some time alone to recharge without having to worry about social obligations, I tend to have a lot more energy and enthusiasm for being around other people, but no matter what you end up doing with online dating, I have no doubt that it won't be long before you meet Mr. SophiaM. How did things go last night with NG? Sorry if you already explained all that on another thread...I've just been thinking of you and wishing you well.

You're right that I have been fortunate to meet a lot of nice guys online, but there have definitely also been some duds...the main thing I am thankful for is that I seem to have good instincts about which guys are worth getting serious with. No one can avoid the occasional bad date, but if we can manage to avoid unhealthy and painful relationships, that's certainly something to be happy about. If I can't manage to avoid heartbreak and disappointment along my dating path, at least I can be pleased that I've chosen to entrust guys who haven't let me down and learned that being discriminating about who you let close to you does pay off. That's partially why I'm so happy to see posters like Greeneyes realize how great she is and refuse to accept anything less than a guy who completely wows her. We all deserve to find that kind of love and accept nothing less...I think everyone here is really amazing, and I really hope that in time, all the single posters hold out and avoid settling until they find someone who has everything they want, and more, in a partner, then live happily ever after. By the way, congratulations Girl Harley! I hope you have an amazing honeymoon...;) And Sophia, I hope the rest of this weekend goes well for you and everyone else here. Take care and hang in there, OK? I know it can be really tough and frustrating at times, but as LittleRose said earlier today, you never know when the man who will light up your life is just around the corner, so keep trying and smiling! :)
[QUOTE=Snails] That's partially why I'm so happy to see posters like Greeneyes realize how great she is and refuse to accept anything less than a guy who completely wows her. We all deserve to find that kind of love and accept nothing less...[/QUOTE]

I agree with that to a very large degree. However, while striving to be in the best relationships we can be and accepting "nothing less," we have to also remember that people are not perfect and sometimes we will need to compromise even in the most wonderful relationship. There will be times when someone is tired or cranky, or had a bad day at work, or forgets something important, etc., and that will impact on their "wowing" ability. I think in good relationships, both partners have to be somewhat understanding and realize that nobody will be able or even have the energy to constantly impress them. So, I think, while we should not "settle" for partners who are uncaring, selfish, or not interesting to us, at the same time our expectations should be somewhat realistic because otherwise nobody will be able to live up to them in the real world.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I agree with that to a very large degree. However, while striving to be in the best relationships we can be and accepting "nothing less," we have to also remember that people are not perfect and sometimes we will need to compromise even in the most wonderful relationship. There will be times when someone is tired or cranky, or had a bad day at work, or forgets something important, etc., and that will impact on their "wowing" ability. I think in good relationships, both partners have to be somewhat understanding and realize that nobody will be able or even have the energy to constantly impress them. So, I think, while we should not "settle" for partners who are uncaring, selfish, or not interesting to us, at the same time our expectations should be somewhat realistic because otherwise nobody will be able to live up to them in the real world.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree, Sophia, we have to realize that we live in the real world and that no one is perfect. I think once we learn to accept our own imperfections, then we can accept them more readily in someone else.

I think Snails is trying to say that the qualities that are the MOST IMPORTANT to you in a partner are the qualities you should never compromise, and to me, one of those is an inherent chemistry, a mental and physical one.





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