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[QUOTE=Piranna65]thanks for the mulitiple response again all.

Well more DRAMA has unfolded as of last night. My boyfriends mom and brother were taking vioxx a while back, up till it was pulled off shelves! Well his bro has been having heart problems (everything turned out okay with him) but now his mother started saying "oh i have heart probs too" Right away I think she wants something to be wrong to sue!

Well the doctor told her yesterday it has nothing to do with her heart but with her lungs! And that she needs to see a spealist asap or she could die. (Yeah i donno about die w/out seeing some real doctors that exam your lungs and stuff either) So my boyfriend is freaking out yesterday and upset and crying that his mom is going to die and he cant handle that happening. UGH! So there was tons of drama last night about that. (She's a big smoker chain smoker really) so i told him that him and his siblings need to sit down w/her and talk to her about giving up the smokes.

I was talking to my mom about the whole debt thing. Granted yeah we'd be in debt because of them (assuming they dont pay) that wouldnt affect my credit. Because she told me she has better credit then my dad so you still have your own individual credit...

I know holding off the marriage may be a good idea. But things are being planned already I dont want to cancel.
I have had no problem talking more open about this w/my boyfriend and last night he could see it in my face when he told me about his mom that i was thinking about the credit card debt issue. He goes...."i know what your already thinking but my mom comes first" I hate to say it but i wonder if this is for real? I mean she can be a bit of a drama queen, my b/f's brother was there waiting the wait room and when she came out she seemed upset he said. Well when she finally talked to him on the ride home she goes "they basically told me Im gonna die" I'm sorry but how can they say that if they are heart doctors? Granted she has a pretty nasty cough right now?[/QUOTE]


Piranna,
As far as the so called problem with her lungs. I don't doubt that she might have an illness due to her smoking, however unless she has had a chest X Ray and Pulmonary Function Tests at the very least, the doctor is NOT going to diagnosis a particular illness. He may have auscultated her lungs and heard things that should not be there, (ex, wheezing, rales, rhonchi), but he would have immediately ordered a chest X Ray. If there is really something to be concerned about now, she needs to be seen by a Pulmonologist and her primary care pysician would have referred her to one. Did he? (Personally, it sounds like she has just made all this up for sympathy to draw the attention away from the CRIME that she committed against her son.)
As far as the issue with your credit, while it is true that you do establish your own credit, his credit WILL cause problems when you want to buy a house or if he wants to take out a car loan. Even if he is able to get credit, he will be penalized by being charged high interest rates because of bad credit. (My brother married a woman that is terrible at managing money. She eventually ruined their credit and my brother was charged much higher interest on the mortgage then he should have had to pay because of her. So, it DOES EFFECT YOU TOO!!!
I know you don't want to hear this, but your potential marriage already has a very big strike against it. Did you know that financial problems are one of the biggest reasons for divorce in this country? Just because you have already begun planning the wedding is no reason for not at the very least postponing it. If you think it is hard cancelling a wedding, that will be nothing compared to the emotional pain of a divorce down the road. Especially is there are children involved. I know how it is when you are young and in love, (I remember the feelings), but reality is what you need to focus on. (When I was engaged, my parents did not want me to marry my husband due to him not having a history of stablility in his jobs and the cultural and socio-economic differences. He grew up poor and I grew up middle-class in a nice suburban neighborhood and went to private schools my entire life, even through college. They were concerned that our major differences would cause problems and did not think he was the right person for me. Piranna, they were right. All the concerns they had about my husband did cause major problems in our marriage. Plus, there were other problems I have had to deal with. As hard as this is to say, if I realized then all the emotional pain and difficulty I would have in my marriage, I would never have married my husband. I have had many heartaches that I should not have had to deal with. I explained to you the in-law financial problems we had as well in my initial post that I have deleted. Although my husband has changed significantly now, I went through almost 19 years of a very difficult marriage. I think if I had went into marriage with my eyes wide open, I would have cancelled the engagement. As hard as it would have been, I would have looked for someone with more stability and looked at the family of origin that he grew up in. You do marry not just the man, but his entire backround. It is part of who he is and you can not erase that.
When we are young, we tend to idealize marriage into a Cinderella fairy tale. It is not like that at all. Unfortunately, many women when they are young, (myself included) don't look at the situation like it is. You have a MAJOR RED FLAG in your situation. Please look at this realistically. His family WILL be involved with your life forever as long as you are with him. His mother knows how to manipulate HIM and all the evidence is showing us that he IS putting her interests before the good of your future. This is NOT going to change. I guarantee you, she will not pay the credit card off. She does not have any CHARACTER. You and your fiance WILL get stuck paying it off. I am not talking about just missing one or two payments. I am sure she will not pay for almost the entire debt.
I know someone at my church whose mother did the exact same thing. She wound up paying off the entire credit card bill that her mother ran up. She was told by legal authorities that the only way she could get off not being responsible was to file charges against her mother. She was not willing to do that so she got stuck with the debt.
His mother is an irresponsible, lying, manipulative woman. Do you really want to become part of her family? Please look at this situation realistically. At the very least, postpone your wedding. As painful as it is now, it is not anywhere as painful as it will be later on after you are married and realze that you have made a mistake.
I know hearing this must really hurt and I am so sorry. Please don't make a mistake that you will later regret.





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