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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Time with his friends is perfectly natural and healthy, and when he comes home to you after a night with a bunch of crude guys, he'll appreciate you all the more for being sweet, loving, and understanding. It can be tough to not want to spend all your time with someone you really love, but in the end, it's much better for the relationship if both partners have outside interests and friends in order to keep things fresh. Please try not to see his time out with friends as taking away from his time with you, but rather an opportunity to provide healthy variety in his life and make him appreciate you more than ever. What he's doing is perfectly normal and not in any way a threat to you, so I'd suggest working on changing your attitude toward his desire to spend time away from you with his friends. Resenting him for it or feeling abandoned and unwanted while he's gone will only make you sad and distant from him, and that response isn't even really warranted based on his behavior. Please try hard not to take it personally...remember, sometimes your BF just wants to have a good time without thinking about you. It has nothing to do with getting away from you or not wanting to look at you; it's just that he enjoys seeing his friends and doing something different once in awhile. It really isn't a reflection on his feelings (or lack thereof) for you--I know it can be difficult not to interpret everything your partner does as a reaction to you, but please try to trust that sometimes he wants to do things where you aren't even a consideration. He wants to hang out with his friends because he likes them, not because he doesn't want to be with you or because of any other reason that has anything at all to do with you. It has nothing to do with how much he loves you and enjoys your company...believe me, I know that sometimes when you're in a tightknit relationship it can be tough to remember that not everything in his life is directly related to you, but that's a good thing, as otherwise, it wouldn't be a very healthy kind of relationship.

I really think that if you can work on changing your attitude towards his nights out, you'll be a lot happier and more at ease with your relationship. Try to focus on all the positive aspects of your bond with him rather than allow the one thing that displeases you to nag at you and have a negative effect on your overall outlook. If you do find yourself thinking about his nights out, remember that he's just having some harmless bonding time with the guys which makes him appreciate your love and companionship all the more. And please, don't ever ask to go along or bug him to include would ruin their night to have a girl around, and your boyfriend would never hear the end of it from his friends. Besides, not only will they have more fun if it's just the guys, but you'll probably enjoy yourself more if you hang out alone or with your girlfriends rather than being an unwelcome fifth wheel on guys night out. Sorry for rambling here, but my point is that his behavior is totally normal and not in any way a reflection on his feelings about you or your relationship. Please try not to let something fun and innocent bother you to the point where it creates unncessary problems...he will love and appreciate you much more if you can remain positive and encourage him to enjoy his independence rather than resenting any time he spends away from you.

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