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WOW...this is one amazing situation.
I had to read this a few times to make sure I had things straight...just to ensure accuracy let me reiterate your post.
1) You have an ex-boyfriend who you work with (don't most women?)
2) You become pregnant by a man you were casually dating (stressful in & of itself) AND he wants you to have an abortion (I admire your strength and
3) The father of your child walks and your ex-boyfriend continues to be supportive/helpful during your difficult/lonely time (I'd rather lean on the ex then the father in THIS situation considering the character of each)
4) Contact resumes with the child's father before delivery and while spending time learning to be "dad", you both decide to make a "go" of a relationship only to have him tell you months later it's not what he wants (is this due to the ex or additional problems?)
5) You fall in love with your child's father as you watch him interact w/ your daughter (I know how this feels. Watching a man w/ his children is something to behold!)
6) You tell him you love him and it sound as if you may make ANOTHER go of it.
7) You purchase a home at which sounds like a great deal. It just so happens to be your ex-boyfriends house which upon hearing, your child's father has a problem with (WHY? does your ex pay your mortgage?) Plus your ex is a neighbor now (still confused about why this is a concern...your ex has a live-in girlfriend)
8) Your daughter's father continues to go back and forth as to whether he wishes to continue the relationship or not (you are one strong individual to withstand the stress of an on again/off again status AND care for your daughter on your own!)
9) All this time you continue to speak w/ your ex and your daughter's father doesn't like it (a concern which I have yet to gather the validity there any part of this that we are missing?)
10) Then your child's father tells you to sell your house to "see is there is a future"? (Did he offer you and your daughter to move in to HIS house during this "see" time?)
11) You request some sort of "security" (which I have YET to see evidence of) before selling your biggest asset and he tells you to "get rid of your past" and all would be OK (correct me if I'm wrong but don't we ALL have a past...the past is the past unless someone brings it up in MY opinion!!)
12) You agree to a "pow wow" with the father and ex to make your daughter's father happy... (hmmmm...your ex seems to be a good friend who's always there to support...I wish I could say your daughter's father seems the same).
13) You fib to your child's father about when you speak w/ your ex to save arguments (I can relate to this...arguments take so much energy and it seems that this is an issue that keeps coming up! How exhausting for you!)

OK...Your initial post was "help me make him understand", sadly enough, you'll find tons of support from our posts but no one can help you MAKE him understand. Your daughter's father's security issues are his to deal with, not yours. It seems you have jumped through hoops to help him see your friendship w/ you ex is purely that with no positive results. It also appears you have quite the soft spot in your heart for a man who offers no security in regards to a relationship and as easy as it is for a stranger to say, I think it's time you move on. This in and of itself will be quite the task, especially if he will continue to have an active part in your daughters life and again, watching a loving father with his child make ANY girls heart melt. But believe me when I say, once you get over this obstacle, you and your daughter will be much happier, this is just stress neither of you need.
Don't waste your efforts trying to make someone happy when all he does is let you down. Relationships all begin with put your trust in him AFTER he left you during your pregnancy but he doesn't trust you and your Ex? There IS something wrong with that picture.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.....YOU BOTH DESERVE THE BEST!!

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