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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hey everyone :wave: Stacy, I am so happy to hear things are going so well with J. in all the critical departments ;) Don't worry about the little fight; sooner or later that's inevitable in any relationship that's real, and I think you both handled the conflict pretty well. Wow, I am so amazed he already asked you to move some of your stuff over and gave you his KEY!! I didn't have a key to my last ex-bf's apartment even after a year of dating. It's obvious J is really crazy about you, and that's a good thing, of course :)

For anyone who's curious, I spent most of last weekend with NG at his place. Stayed over two nights in a row, which is a lot for me. I was afraid we might get "sick" of each other but I'm happy to say that didn't happen. We had a great time together and last night made dinner and watched a movie. The only thing I am sort of surprised by (in a good way, I guess) is that I've never ever met a guy who would be so "respectful" of me. In the evening NG asked me if I wanted him to stay in the living room and he was going to give me his room to sleep in, but I said "no, we can stay in the same room." So we slept in the same bed and made out a lot etc. (he's such a great kisser!), but what I am completely shocked about is that he didn't try to "close the deal." With my ex-boyfriends, I remember I had to beat them off with a stick, and they pushed me to have sex, but this guy is just soo respectful :confused: I wasn't ready for it anyway, but I'm kind of shocked he wasn't pushing for it or even trying to go that far. But he was overall very affectionate and hugged me all night. Is that a good sign??
Also, he really doesn't seem to be very expressive about his emotions. Not that I'm the kind of woman who can't shut up about her "feelings" myself, but I guess I'm just used to guys who are a bit more demonstrative in telling me how much they like me, etc. I've know NG for a month and he hasn't really said that many gushing comments about me. Last night, I had a couple of glasses of wine, so I told him I thought he was a really great guy and that I liked him. He seemed happy to hear that and said he liked me too. But I don't know...it seems to be going so slow?? Some of my ex-bf's would tell me they were crazy about me after a month, or how much they loved spending time with me, or how beautiful I was, or imply some things about the future (like traveling somewhere together), and so on. NG doesn't say those things. The closest thing is that he said yesterday during lunch that I looked "so pretty." That was it. Should I be worried that he doesn't really like me that much? I would appreciate any feedback on that.

GE, hope the boat guy turns out to be just as good looking and interesting in person as he is in his pictures! Let us know how your date went.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Hey everyone :wave: Stacy, I am so happy to hear things are going so well with J. in all the critical departments ;) Don't worry about the little fight; sooner or later that's inevitable in any relationship that's real, and I think you both handled the conflict pretty well. Wow, I am so amazed he already asked you to move some of your stuff over and gave you his KEY!! I didn't have a key to my last ex-bf's apartment even after a year of dating. It's obvious J is really crazy about you, and that's a good thing, of course :)

For anyone who's curious, I spent most of last weekend with NG at his place. Stayed over two nights in a row, which is a lot for me. I was afraid we might get "sick" of each other but I'm happy to say that didn't happen. We had a great time together and last night made dinner and watched a movie. The only thing I am sort of surprised by (in a good way, I guess) is that I've never ever met a guy who would be so "respectful" of me. In the evening NG asked me if I wanted him to stay in the living room and he was going to give me his room to sleep in, but I said "no, we can stay in the same room." So we slept in the same bed and made out a lot etc. (he's such a great kisser!), but what I am completely shocked about is that he didn't try to "close the deal." With my ex-boyfriends, I remember I had to beat them off with a stick, and they pushed me to have sex, but this guy is just soo respectful :confused: I wasn't ready for it anyway, but I'm kind of shocked he wasn't pushing for it or even trying to go that far. But he was overall very affectionate and hugged me all night. Is that a good sign??
Also, he really doesn't seem to be very expressive about his emotions. Not that I'm the kind of woman who can't shut up about her "feelings" myself, but I guess I'm just used to guys who are a bit more demonstrative in telling me how much they like me, etc. I've know NG for a month and he hasn't really said that many gushing comments about me. Last night, I had a couple of glasses of wine, so I told him I thought he was a really great guy and that I liked him. He seemed happy to hear that and said he liked me too. But I don't know...it seems to be going so slow?? Some of my ex-bf's would tell me they were crazy about me after a month, or how much they loved spending time with me, or how beautiful I was, or imply some things about the future (like traveling somewhere together), and so on. NG doesn't say those things. The closest thing is that he said yesterday during lunch that I looked "so pretty." That was it. Should I be worried that he doesn't really like me that much? I would appreciate any feedback on that.

GE, hope the boat guy turns out to be just as good looking and interesting in person as he is in his pictures! Let us know how your date went.[/QUOTE]

Thanks Sophia! I'm heading to hang out with J., play some tennis, and go out to a nice dinner in a little bit, but I wanted to take the time to reply to your post. I was so happy to hear you say that things are going well on Nini's thread and then excited to read your update. For the record, hugging you all night is DEFINITELY a good sign!! :D I think it's awesome that you've finally met a guy who treats you with respect and consideration...not pressuring you to sleep with him is a sign that he really cares about you as a person and not just as a beautiful woman. I know he's different than your exes, which might feel scary and unfamilar at times, but remember that your exes did not treat you like a queen, as you deserved, so it's time for a new kind of guy. It's obvious that he really likes you, and I'm sure he's DYING to have sex with you, but he respects you enough to wait until you really feel comfortable and want to go ahead. That's definitely another good sign! I'm so happy that you have found a cute, amazing kisser who you don't get bored around or feel pressured into doing more than you want by him.

Some of the best relationship advice I've ever gotten was not to compare any one relationship to any others I'd had (or ones that other people had). Don't worry about how it's proceeding with NG in comparison to past relationships--because remember, they didn't work out for a reason! I'd be concerned if NG was really pushing you or rushing things, but as long as you feel like you're getting closer and really like each other, I wouldn't waste one minute worrying if things are going too slow. In fact, that's a good sign--if he didn't really like you, he wouldn't be willing to be patient and get to know you before wanting to jump right into a sexual relationship. As far as gushing about his feelings, J. is the same way, as he mentioned in one of his emails above. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling NG that it's important to you to feel appreciated and desired, but I wouldn't worry that he's not naturally effusive and gushy. Few men are, and the ones that do gush and have all the smooth lines are usually players who use women. Guys who are more reserved about how they feel and not so smooth are MUCH more likely to be genuine and sincere. If you want NG to compliment you more and tell you that he likes you, I think the best strategy is to praise him and reward him whenever he says something nice to you. Positive reinforcement works a million times better with men than pointing out things he doesn't do or ways you'd like to change him. Once he sees that sweet talking you makes you happy and also makes you treat him really nicely and appreciatively, he'll start complimenting you more and more--that works every time! Also, don't worry that he doesn't like you just because he's a little more reserved and patient than your exes...if he didn't like you, he wouldn't call you and want to hang out. Guys really are that simple when it comes to dating--believe me, if he isn't interested in you, you'll know it! So please don't worry about that--it really sounds like everything is going great. While it may feel slow in developing compared to your past relationships, try to remember not to compare him to your exes, unless the comparisons are favorable to him, of course ;). Things didn't work out with your exes for a reason, so why not look on the bright side and be happy that he's not rushing things along and pressuring you to be intimate like they did? It sounds like NG might end up being a lot nicer, sweeter, more trustworthy and respectful than your past boyfriends...from everything you've said, it really seems like you have nothing at all to worry about other than having a good time with him and being yourself. He really likes you Sophia, so just have fun and keep doing whatever it is you're doing that's captivated him! Good luck to you and Greeneyes--I hope your lucky streak holds up for the rest of the weekend and next week!!





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