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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I met my ex about 6 months ago online. We hit it off right from the start. He had all the qualities I want and need. He was a family man, had a stable career, good morals etc. We both moved quickly, emotionally. I fell in love with him within a month. We soon made plans for a future together, I met his family and they loved me, and I them. Everything was so perfect! It was the most incrediable feeling ever. Undescribable! I truly felt he returned those feelings. He did little things for me to show he cared. His mom told me time and again how much he cared for me. I slowly introduced him to my son and they clicked instantly. He was so great with him.

He lived a town away so traveling was a little rough but we made it work. We would take turns coming to see each other but when he got introduced to my family things changed. My family is a hard family to like, as hard as that is to say. There is a lot of fighting and they have a hard time letting me go. So, they made is a little rough for us to be together.He had told me before how all he ever wanted was to go to baseball games on the weekends with his father-in-law and have such a great relationship with them. My parents didnt like how fast we were moving etc. Of course, I didnt see anything wrong with it because I was just so much in love. Soon, they started not letting my little boy go with us out and on vacations and such. They help financially with me and him so I found it hard to put my foot down. Of course, my boyfriend couldn't understand this. In the beginning he was all up in arms about he was going to fight for me and he kept begging me to move in with him. I got scared after I heard the word "moving in". I told him this and he worked with me for awhile but I could see how much my family was taking a toll on him, and us.

Soon, we started fighting more and more because he couldn't understand how I wouldn't move in with him when my home life was so rough. His answer was, "I am giving you a safe place to come too, I love you and want to move to the next level in our relationship". I did want to do this I was just very scared. Well, this was an ongoing fight for about 2 months and then I find out we're pregnant.
He is so excited. I have never seen someone so happy!! He was exstatic. He and his whole family. However, my parents weren't as pleased, which I can completely understand. He couldn't though. So, then he pushed me moving in a little more and I knew that's what needed to be done.
However, 2 months into my pregnancy...my boyfriend hired a new employee. They soon became attached at the hip and I'm left in the dust. Literally!!! He began going out on friday nights and saturday nights...while I was the next town over throwing up with morning sickness! I knew my bf had a past with weed...but was told he only did it "every now and then". I found out he had been smoking it lately with his brother and his wife (who just had a baby). His whole attitude toward me changed in a matter of a month or so. He talked to me in ways he never had before! He was just mean to me!!

Finally, I had enough one night and called him crying telling him we needed to brake up because I couldn't take the weed smoking, the drinking etc, especially with a new baby on the way. Well, he was over at his new employees house and he started cussing at me and making fun of me with his friends.

The next day he invited me up go out with him and these people. So of course, I go up there. I get there and he is drunk off his butt and completely ignores me. (I'm pregnant at this point keep in mind) Is a smart"butt" to me in front of them all. We end up leaving the place we were hanging out at and we both needed to get gas in ours cars so he and his new employee and his girlfriend get gas and pay with a credit car. Meanwhile, me and my best friend have to pay with cash. So, while I am walking up to pay he drives off and leaves us at a gas station at 2 in the morning. I talked later that night about what he did and he said, "well you were being a *itch tonight so I just left..I treat you the way you treat me" We talked about the relationship too and he said he still loved me but just "didn't know what he wanted".

I had enough at this point and the next night I box up every gift he gave me, pictures and such and I leave it in his car. The worst thing happened next, I miscarry the baby. I am sure it was from all the stress etc. I tell him about it a couple days later and he is completely devestated. Crying, etc. He said he never really wanted anything but the baby out of all of this and that all he ever wanted was to have children. That hurt me to no end. So, we ended up talking one night about evreything and I apologize about all of the things I had done wrong in the relationship and told him how much I loved him. He loosened up a little himself and we actually just talked and said everything on our mins. He ends up telling me he really loved me and just needed to see me, so he begs me to come up and spend the night. So, of couse I go because at this point I wanted it to work so bad. I loved him so much.

Anyway, I get there and he has bouquets of flowers everywhere, wine etc. He puts his arms around me, hugs me and says "I'm sorry I was such an a**hole, I realize that I did some horrible things and I'm so sorry and I love you". I was so happy. I thought things were finally back to normal and that we would be fine. So later on into the night I keep trying to leave because I knew my parents didn't want me spending the night but he kept begging me to stay, he said he wanted to just sleep next to me because it had been so long since we had. I honestly thought he was back to his old self!

The next day things are fine, he calls me a couple times during the day on his breaks from work and we talk and laugh and stuff. I ask him that night to come visit me since I came up the last night. He makes up some excuse about work and how he can't leave but that I could come see him! I really got upset but didn't say anything about it. So, the next day I don't hear anything from him. I finally call him late that night. He is a big ******* and I just ask him point blank.."what is going on, I thought we were fine why are you acting like this" He says, "well honestly, when you asked me last night to come to your house I realized that nothing had changed and I hate being there and it's not fair to ask you to drive up here all the time". He said that he just didn't know what he wanted and that he just didn't love me the way he used too. He said that to much had happened and we couldn't go back to the way things were in the beginning and that what we had was special but it was gone. He said that he started questioning what he wanted awhile ago but was just hoping something would change. I had no idea about that because he never acted like anything was wrong. He told me how much he loved me all the time, etc . I asked him "then how could you have done what you did the other night, it was so great, I thought we were fine". He answered, "it felt unnatural, like I had to force myself to feel something". I was crushed, I just started crying and I told him how much I loved him and that I was willing to do whatever it took to fight for our relationship and that he would never find someone that loved him as much as I did. So, that was that. Never heard another word.

I am having such a hard time moving on because I just don't understand how you can lie for so long to someone about how you feel about them. I loved him so much and I just can't figure out the whole situation. That's why I was hoping someone else could for me. I have so many thoughts and I'm so tired of wondering what's wrong with me and why didn't he want me! I was so willing to fight for what we had and it was just like he could let it go so quickly. I am just so confused. He basically shut me out of his life and I honestly feel like it has a lot to do with his two new friends. He would have never talked to me that way before they came along. They didn't like me as soon as they met me and I'm sure they had a lot to do with things. He was such a big part of my life and now it's gone. I fell used!! Can someone make since of this for me please?





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