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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=dt_martini]I am just trying to know that it will get easier being with out her with each and everyday. If I got back with her my parents would probably lose all respect for me. I could end of up jail again with even great consquences. I know I am an idiot to think that things will ever be better for us. I can only think that they will be better for me alone.[/QUOTE]

This is soooo true. Please stand your ground and don't let her manipulate your emotions again with this latest drama! She puts you through such a rollercoaster of emotions that it's no wonder you have a hard time imagining life without you, but not having anyone else in your life is not a good reason to stay in a relationship with someone so abusive, manipulative, and selfish. I know how hard it can be to let go of your first love, but very few first loves actually work out because it takes time and dating experience to learn what you want and deserve in a partner. You deserve someone stable, whose love for you is consistent and makes your life better, rather than someone who makes you constantly walk on eggshells around her and shows no respect for your feelings until she senses that she might lose you. Someone that is capable of a healthy, mature relationship will not expect you to wait on them hand and foot, won't get mad at you over silly little things like gas mileage, and certainly won't freak out and launch such a vicious, physical attack on you. Not to mention her lying to the police and your mom in an effort to get you in trouble and damage your relationships with your family...these behaviors are not consistent with someone who loves you in the way you deserve to be loved. This girl really sounds like she has some serious emotional problems...please try to think about everything she puts you through objectively, without your viewpoint being clouded by your feelings for her, your loneliness and fear of losing her, and your desire to defend her. No one here is looking to unfairly attack your girlfriend or start a witchhunt against her; we have nothing to gain by giving you advice one way or the other. We're merely objective observers who want to help you by giving you advice you may not be detached and objective enough to see on your own. But think about how you would advise someone you love if they were dating someone who constantly got mad at them, put them through emotional turmoil, expected them to wait around for their partner to call and "allow" them to pick him or her up, refused to compromise or ever admit fault until they really step over the line, and abuse them physically, emotionally, and psychologically. This woman is putting you through hell...while she is your first love and one of the few important people in your life, that does not change the fact that she is overall a very negative, draining influence on your life. No one should ever tolerate abuse, and it sounds like her abusive behavior is only escalating as you continue to allow her to get away with treating you so terribly. Please do some research on domestic violence and you will see how she fits the typical pattern--losing her temper and freaking out, lashing out at you with physical and emotional abuse, lying/denying all responsibility for the abuse, then going to extreme lengths to shower you with affection and apologies in an effort to get you to forgive her and come back. This cycle of abuse inevitably gets more and more severe and the periods of her being nice and apologetic will shorten as her abuse escalates in intensity, violence, and frequency. This is a toxic relationship that has made you a nervous wreck, and she has succeeded in wearing away your sense of self-worth and independence to the point where you can't imagine living without her, no matter how miserable she makes your life. Because this is your first love, it's totally understandable that you are having a difficult time envisioning your life without her, and it's true that leaving her will be incredibly difficult and painful at first. But it will never get any easier to get away from her, and the longer you stay, the more severe her abusive behavior will become. Think about what could happen next time she lashes out at you: she could hurt you, force you to hurt her in self-defense, and risk both of your lives. If the police come again and she lies like she did last time, you face a significant amount of jail time and legal bills. Don't let this girl ruin the rest of your life just because you're very attached to her as your first love and your only friend...fear of being alone is a terrible reason to stay in a relationship which is unhealthy and threatens your physical and emotional well-being. I guarantee that things will only get worse if you take her back, and she will continue to lie, manipulate, and guilt-trip you in order to make you even more dependent on her and isolated from your family. Please, please, take this seriously and get out now, because it won't ever get any easier. Research domestic violence and try to evaluate her behavior as objectively as possible--think about how you would advise someone you love if they were facing the same situation as you are. This girl will continue to drag you down and quite possibly ruin your life if you let her--relationships are supposed to enrich your life, make you feel better about yourself, and bring out the very best in you. When you end up with someone who constantly beats you down verbally, manipulates and uses you, and abuses you in a variety of ways, that person is a much more negative than positive influence in your life. You need to find a way to get out before things get even worse than they already are...believe me, this is not and will never be a healthy, fulfilling relationship. There are millions of other girls out there who would love to to date such an understanding guy who is willing to be so committed, and I guarantee that if you can find the strength to end this relationship, it won't be long before you find a woman who makes you wonder how you ever thought you should stay with your current GF. You will understand what love really is, and how wonderful a mature and healthy relationship can be...basically, you need to free yourself from your GF's influence so that you can one day experience a happy and mature relationship with someone who will treat you with the same respect and consideration you afford her. A mentally stable woman will love you without abusing you, using you, getting angry at you over little things then expecting you to crawl back to her apologizing for disputes she created, expecting you to wait on her hand and foot while she makes no effort to drive and see you...love should not be that hard or painful. A healthy relationship will enrich your life without causing you so much pain, anxiety, uncertainty, and despair--this woman will never be able to give you the kind of unselfish, generous, consistently kind love everyone should receive from those they love.





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