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Relationship Health Message Board

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You state that you are having the worst year of your life -- so... uh... what's the benefit to you to continue this relationship that is making you miserable?

You are NOT in a healthy relationship here.

I agree: your own post says everything you need to know.

This girl is already disrespecting you in the worst possible way. Her online profiles should have been CHANGED if she really cared about you. "Winking" emoticons near this guy's initials is NOT acceptable. Even more unacceptable is her dominating conversations with discussions about this dude. Her behavior is not only rude and disrespectful, it is ignorant. Now, ignorance can sometimes be tempered and forgiven because the implication of the word is that the person doesn't know any better. IF indeed she has NO CLUE how deeply her words and actions disturb you, then it is up to you to make sure she understands. You must temper the ignorance and then forgive it if you want to continue this relationship.

Yet is sounds as if you have more or less told her that this stuff bothers you and she just doesn't care one bit. In that case, her behavior is no longer ignorant -- she KNOWS what she's doing and continues to do it. There is no way to temper that anymore -- and forgiveness becomes nearly impossible or at best a temporary facade that will only allow this relationship to continue on in its current dysfunctional state.

I would tell her that since she is so focused on this other man and doesn't appear concerned with your feelings -- then she should probably put ALL her focus onto him and leave you alone. Tell her GOODBYE and let her go do her own thing. This isn't "just" a matter of taking a holiday with an innocent friend: clearly, she's INTO this guy and is biding her time until he makes a move on her. She's holding onto YOU as a security blanket -- having her cake and hoping to eat it, too!

Is that what you want? To be second-fiddle to some other dude?

I'd put an end to this immediately. You are filled with fear and anxiety and you are quickly losing self-confidence. Though her behavior is the impetus for this, YOU can still gain back your self-respect by getting rid of her. It is true that each of us is responsible for our own emotions and that we cannot blame others for how we feel in response to someone else's actions. But sometimes -- other folks make it very, very difficult for us to feel anything but what they WANT us to feel. Therein lies the challenge and the mark of becoming a self-sufficient and confident man: CHANGE your own feelings by taking ACTION.

Do this NOW. Send her off on holiday with well-wishes and tell her to never contact you again.

Or you can keep on having the most miserable year of your life. What will it be, then?
dont son me dorel, this board is an absolute joke. You clearly have no respect. I hope you get hurt one day and know how it feels.

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