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My girlfriend and I have been together just over 2.5 years. We've been with eachother every day, literally. Things were great but like every relationship we've had our problems. Within the last year we've been in 2 maybe 3 arguments in which breaking up was brought up by her. I love the girl to death and everytime this happened I'd get upset and yes, I'd cry. As soon as that happened she'd come to me, hug me and almost start crying herself, she said she hated to see me upset. After that things would be okay .... till the next time. The next time the same thing happened. Now to more recent events .... Last week my girlfriend came back from a week vacation to the Bahamas, prior to going she made comments about going to hook up with hot guys (when she was mad at me, pushing my buttons) I know she didn't REALLY mean it but the thought did get stuck in my head. Anyway, I call her when shes away because she tells me to but from the third day on she didn't seem like she wanted to talk much. She comes home, calls me in the morning before her flight, then call me when shes on her way home, she seems like she can't wait to see me. I go over, big hugs and kisses given, so happy to see her. We talk, we both start poking fun at eachother (with me saying who'd ya meet, how many guys you hang out with .... ) she didn't seem to care much, she poked back with a few comments. Tuesday goes fine .... but then Wednesday I start noticing she seems distant ... I start bringing it up and bam, a huge flurry of problems just start coming out ... shes not sure if she wants to be in the relationship anymore, she says we seem to bicker and argue to much, we're different people, she wants to party and have fun (so do I) she says Im grouchy, which Im not unless we're having issues .... etc etc. Wow where'd this come from, she was so happy to see me just the day before. Thursday wasn't good and Friday I only saw her for 45 minutes in which we talked about stuff and what was going on, I love her to death and would do anything to make us work, I was so happy she was home and before I could endulge myself in my girlfriend shes laying this on me, I was very hurt and upset. I knew something was up cuz I usually bring my GF to bed, and sleep with for a few hours and head home, this time she wanted me to leave and put herself to bed ... ouch.

She pretty much told me what I said above and added that she needed time to be alone and think about things. God I felt like crap, she had already been away for a week, now Im not gonna be able to see her again. This hit me like a brick wall, where'd it come from? :( Todays Wednesday, I haven't seen her since this past Friday nor have I spoken to her. Its hard, Im so used to being with her everyday, knowing where she is, how she is. We were very close! Im crushed .... crying, not eating, sad, every memory is going through my head. Im expecting the worst but hoping for the best. If I do call her (which was twice) she doesn't answer, and she doesn't want to see me (cuz she hasn't returned my calls requesting we meet). Shes been working and going out but not doing all that much. She was out with a few friends the other day so I called them to see what she may have said about us... apparently she said we're on a break. This could be good or bad either we are on a break or she just didn't want to tell them we were over. Everyone knows us as Adam and __________ they were surprised to not see me with her. She hasn't said to be we're broken up or we're over so Im kinda in limbo just waiting to find out what shes gonna say. She did tell me in a 10 second convo we did have 2 days ago (she called me asking to drop off some $$ I owed her towards a gift we bought for a friend a couple weeks ago .... she had to give it to someone else we owed the $$ too) that she was taking her time to think things over before she made a decison (I kinda think I know what direction shes heading in). I know shes been thinking about it somewhat, apparently she brought me up a few times when she was with other friends. And her online away messege 2 nites said she was thinking things over. As immature as it seems the only contact b/w eachother has been thru the AOL AIM away messeges. Everyone can see them but our messeges have been directed towards eachother. Some of them okay ... some, from her, tell me not to bother her. I speak with her mother everyother day (have a good relationship with her, hell I practically lived at their house) but her mom doesn't know where my GF stands other then she needs time to think, she just suggest leaving her alone otherwise I might push her away.

Anyway ... Ive never felt worse in my life, I miss my other half so much. I can't sleep, haven't had a bite of food in 5 days, have no motivation and CANNOT stop thinking about all our memories. And to add to it her B-Day is in 2 weeks in which I had an extravagent plan to spend a weekend in NYC with dinners, plays the works. What is she doing to me? Is she afraid to tell me its over (shes never had a problem mentioning it in past arguements), and what good would waiting so long do, is she hoping I'll just forget about things ..... or is she really thinking things over? In past events I kinda knew what to expect but this is much more serious, I dunno what to think. I know its hard to tell, esp. since no one here knows exaclty how our relationship has been. Trust me, we've done alot together and have plenty of great positive memories, which make things something like this but not quite, worth it in the end. Ive spoken to many of my friends, her friends, parents .... guess I needed to vent somewhere else.

How can I handle this? Im [I]so[/I] sad and the emotional pain is making me crazy! ................ Wow I had no idea I typed this much!
dear adam, try not to clutter your head with "what ifs." 2.5 years together is a long time - though you don't mention your age. it's hard to say what's going through your gf's mind at this particular point in time. it's also not necessarily true that your gf cheated on you. it could just be that she was flattered by the attentions of other guys and had forgotten what that was like. this may have led to some questioning in her own mind. am i ready to settle down, etc? i'm not sure if marriage is something you've talked about - and again there are a lot of fuzzy things in my mind about this one because i don't know how old you both are or what your future/career plans are. in any case when you are in a relationship for a long period of time, it is natural to start questioning whether or not you are ready to make a permanent commitment. i also don't know where the two of you stand on this issue. if there are differences in opinion or willingness to commit - these could be things she wants to think about. i'd like to suggest this: between the two of you agree to spend a certain amount of time without any contact - no phone, email, internet, text, not even an away msg that woud give the other person info. also no third party contact - no questioning through friends or family. but when you make this agreement - set a date and time - perhaps meet for a quiet dinner - and discuss with each other all the things you've thought about regarding your relationship with each other during this time apart. i think this will help to define a direction for the two of you.

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