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Relationship Health Message Board


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I can see how both of you guys make excellent points...LittleRose is right that this guy seems to be distancing himself from and losing interest in the relationship. I think some sort of discussion is in order to see where he stands, because sometimes people of both genders try to weasel out of relationships by pulling away, while not having the guts to just tell the other person they want to break up. But I agree with you Scruffy that there's no way to know who's the "bad guy" and who's the "good guy" here--there's really no reason to think there's anything so great about the original poster or bad about her BF. Still, in the same breath that you dispute these stereotypes, Scruffy, you turn around and make all sorts of unfair assumptions and judgments about people who drink. The vast majority of drinkers don't regularly drink to excess or have trouble stopping--maybe we just don't want some uptight anti-drinking crusader telling us what to do. I certainly don't have a drinking problem and rarely have more than one drink in an evening, but if a bF told me to stop drinking, I'd nonetheless tell him, "Sorry, I don't want to be dating my mom (not that my parents are controlling enough to try and ban me from drinking). If you don't like me how I am, I don't want to be with you." If you ask me, someone not wanting to stop drinking because their sig. other asked them to doesn't indicate that they have a drinking problem or won't stop drinking for love...maybe their idea of love just doesn't extend to people who often nag them and try to control what they do. Anyway, as far as the original poster is concerned, I agree that you should sit down your BF ASAP and figure out what he's trying to do. I'd be prepared to leave him though--it sounds like his actions are pretty clearly signalling his lack of desire to be tied down by a relationship. If he was really into the relationship, he'd want to spend a lot of time with you and certainly wouldn't spend the vast majority of his free time away from you. If I was in this situation, I might go with LittleRose's idea, just because I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be around me...at this point, an ultimatum might be the best way to get your point across, but you'd have to be prepared to leave if he doesn't come around. Either way, I'd be prepared for the worst...it sounds like he may be trying to wriggle out of this relationship without having to gather the courage to confront you about it. Good luck...and remember you deserve a lot better treatment than you are currently getting from your BF.





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