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[QUOTE=alwysasweetie21]Thanks alot Lostmyheart..... your input was a great help. I can see your point... and no i don't want him thinking I am controlling... I figure unless I have reason to suspect otherwise, I am not going to dwell on it, and just take his word that they are just friends. Its not like they see each other everyday... and he really is just a gregarious person and has a lot of friends... and so I am just going to leave it at that.[/QUOTE]

I think this sounds like a really good plan. People's views on being friends with exes vary based on their personal experiences, and I am no exception. But I agree with lostmyheart that men and women can be platonic friends, even if they previously dated, as long as neither person has any lingering romantic attachment to the other. I'm a woman who is still close with two of my exes from serious relationships and numerous guys I've dated more casually, and the vast majority of my close friends over my lifetime have been men. Also, remember that you're in a fairly new relationship, and chances are your BF is watching closely to see what a life with you would be like. Since guys like to think of themselves as fiercely independent, and prize women with the confidence not to be jealous and try to restrict their lovers' freedom, it would impress him a lot to see that you're secure enough with yourself and the relationship not to let this bother you. I would definitely see it as a bad sign (suggesting that the guy might become increasingly controlling and jealous in the future) if my boyfriend demanded that I cease contacting and hanging out with male friends, including ex-boyfriends. It's not that they don't have the right to come first and ask me to avoid situations that make them uncomfortable, but it's not very attractive or appealing to appear insecure and jealous when everything is going well in the relationship. Most men (and me!) would much prefer a partner who is trusting, independent, and not threatened by any exes because they know I have chosen to be with them NOW for many reasons, just as my past relationships ended for many reasons. Men really appeciate little signs that their women are confident and secure enough not to feel threatened and jealous by innocent situations, or at least that they have the necessary trust and respect for their men to ignore any such doubts and not restrict their guys' freedom. Your BF would probably respect and accomodate your wish for him to cut off contact with his ex, but he would lose respect for you in the process and see you as unappealingly insecure and controlling...whereas if you trust him to make the right decisions on his own, he will undoubtedly respect and desire you more. Trust and freedom are some of the most appreciated gifts you can give your BF--the less you try to restrict him from doing what he wants, the more he'll want to be with you and do what YOU want :).





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