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So here I am again....always find myself here when I have something in my mind because you guys are so good with the advices nd you guys allow me to see relationships in every spect.So I hope you guys nd gals, have some good one's for this situation.This will be my first time telling the whole world how it REALLY was.this might be a long one so bare with me.

We met when I was 16, (I am now 19)still being in a relationship with someone else for almost 2 yrs.,but ditched that bf to be with the one I am with now.We are family friends, basically grew up together, but lost contact 'till I was 16 when we reunited @ a wedding.Typical or what?we didnt date long because we became official pretty quick.He persued me.We really really liked each other though we were saying "I love you" in less then a month nd still talking to other people nd I,honestly was saying it back because I didnt want to lose him nd for a young girl, I didnt want to be "alone".The first year of our relationship was pretty much based on all this being so jealous and insecure,being possesive,holding each other down,and lots of fights.So through all this we did manage to still stay together.The second year,was a lot worst!the insecurities went too far(he caught a case for domestic violence)I was the one who initiated that, call me a b****.His main priorities became his friends nd his job, but only his job because he worked with his friends.I became very jealous of all the attention he was giving to others, nd when I did try to tell him how it made me feel, well it never really came out in a respectful way.I'd get so frustrated that when I'd tell him what was on my mind, i'd end up cursing at him 'till no point!so from there more fights,more silent treatments,more avoiding and so on.There was never a time when I could remember that we were ok for more than a day.All i really wanted was for him to show me thatit was just me,but as soon as I get home,he'd go right to his friends house nd every day he was there?!?nd when I'd look for him he wouldnt pick up my calls or he'd get his friend to lie for him.I admit,I did the same at times, but not because I was somewhere else,but because our conversations would end up in2 an argument anyway.everything that both of us did was vise versa.Being the woman in the relationship, I tried to keep us going,but every1 kept getting in the way so what else was I going to do if he wasnt trying with me?I started talking to other guys, met up with some, never hooked up relationship wise, but I did lie about my rel.status.I needed the company.Otherwise, I'd end up following him around town harassing all his friends to bring him out.I can be a real b****, but I am also a good person.I seem aggressive because I dont want people to take advantage of my trust,which has happened over nd over nd continues to.and well, he is very thoughtful and loving,romantic..pretty much has most of the good qualities,but he can be VERY bitter and unkind!One day,during an argument with him and his mom(I also didnt get along with the mom.she was fake with me and I was the same with her)he broke up with regardless of the words he spoke,I thought it was just another threat and we'd get back in no time like always.thats how it was for 2 years!to my surprise,he actually meant it and I realized that when he didnt fight for me while I cried on my knees as his mother said the harshes shyt "LET HER GO,SHE MESSED UP OUR LIVES"????and I never included her in my life?she would always try to get herself in our problems and get affected it was not my fault.She's seen his bad side and how bad he could treat me,but being a mommas boy helped him out of another case.we were broken up for 2 was horrible.I didnt get to graduate because the situation dragged me down so low.I started smoking weed a lot and crystal meth here and there..met druggies,got to far places,saw a lot of things I've never dreamt of, and still try to win him back at the same time.I did hook up with 2 other guys, but it didnt help...didnt last long, I wanted to be with him.I tried to hold on my pride and figured he'd come back to me, but he didnt.I cried myself to sleep most nights,called him every so often,but he'd just yell or hang up on me.We saw each other maybe 3,4 times while broken up..had make up s**,but that didnt change anything.Not one bit.When he found out what I've been smoking the whole time,he felt bad and even though I feel cheap for thinking that das the only reason why he got back with me I figured that was good enough.So since that time, we've stayed together next month will be our 3years.Starting from that reconcilation,things have been great..well, they were for as long as I could remember.We both held back some things in those 2 months I told him I that there were things we both wanted to know from those 2 months and that when we were both ready,we'd that moment did come,I told him about my rebounds, my foolishness,how I tried to get over him and he did the same.Told me he made out with a girl,which broke my heart into so many pieces and brought me trauma.I talked to this girl and she doesnt know me,she heard a lot of bad things about me but wouldnt tell me what about.I hate her with a passion,and because of her,it has caused many arguments.He's lied often when we got back,snuck out late,threw parties and didnt invite me,talked shyt about me to his ex and denied it when confronted.I almost went to the extreme with his ex because she kept calling,but little did I know he was turning things around on her.I was going after the wrong person...and he didnt think to stop me.Just led me on and continued to lie.For the past 2 or 3 months now, things havent been great like the begining,but we're hanging on.Sometimes I question myself if I really do love him or if I'm just comfortable with him.A lot of times, it just feels like nothing...and it hurts my heart to admitt that. Even the love making doesnt seem all that great anymore...maybe I've spent so much time thinking about the past that it took up most of my emotions?!?Sometimes I just cant take it...'till this day I cant get over those two months.I want to overcome it but I cant.I think past is past, but I just cant let go.can any1 out there relate?any advices?sorry you guys for making this sooooo long.thanks for reading anyway even if you dont reply. :)

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