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GH ~ Wow....you really are starting out your marriage with some real "fireworks" ;) I really feel for you and I must say that you are teetering on a fine line here....my gut instincts say that the more we make of this the more we push teens in the direction we don't want them to go. Seems that they are in the wanting to be independent and all grown up know it alls phase of life. I have a saying that I recently came up with...."The more you say no.....the more they will go." :eek: I know, not exactly what you need to hear now but recently I am living in the phase of "Let go and Let God". Basically, I believe that at this stage of the game we have done our jobs of instilling good morals/values into our kids. They know what is right & wrong but I do understand the raging hormones and our wanting to prevent something that will follow our kids for the rest of their lives from happening. :nono: Afterall....we all recall living those teenage years of thinking that'll never happen to me!!!! It's a scarey thing but I think the best thing we can do right now is to become our teen's mentor, leaving the lines of communication open. My cyber best friend recently advised me of the same and I think it is wonderful advice. ;) The worst thing we can do at this point is to dictate to our teen what must be done. We should offer advise based upon experience and share consequences that we have seen happen in our lifetime and then hope & pray that it all comes into play at the time our kids most need it.

Recently I shared something with my 16 year old daughter. I told her that I remember when I was her age, when in situations where I was tempted to do something I knew could have bad consequences I always would hear my mother's voice coaching me through. I asked her if that had ever happened with her and she smirked and said, "All the time, mom!!!" :D So....I wanted to share that with you at this time to let you know that you have done a wonderful job with your son and that what you have taught him will come into play. Just his calling you at work and wanting to talk is a wonderful sign.

I have lots to share with you on this but unfortunately I am scheduled for PT for my back in a few minutes and also limited in terms of internet service. I will check back in sometime later but just wanted to let you know that I know somewhat what you are going through. My advice would be to be alert and open to what is happening.....be aware of your son's feelings and leave the doors open to him being able to seek your advice. Also, share your experiences with him in regards to love, sex, mistakes made, etc. The more he sees your human side the more he will be able to relate. Hope this helps for now....I do have a personal story to share later but will need more time. In the meantime, don't allow this to dampen your honeymoon....you and MR. Harley seem to be doing ok so far. ;) ......Goody :wave:

[B]UPDATE [/B] ~Okay GH...now that I am back I thought I would share a personal story. My 16 year old has been throwing Tom & I many curve balls over the past year. Just when we tackled the last one it always seemed that another one was being thrown our way. Well the latest was as follows......I refer to my daughter as K. ~

A guy friend who I absolutely adore and see as a wonderful candidate as a suitor for K. but has a GF called K. with some "big" news. When she got off the phone with him she announced that he had just told her that a guy in her Spanish class (we'll call Corey) that she has had a secret long term crush on had told her guy friend that he likes her. I got excited for her and started asking about him, if he was a good student, and somebody that she was deserving of and she told me that he was a great guy but that there was something that Tom & I may have a problem with. And when I asked what it was she said......"It's just that...he's black." Tom reacted in a way I wish he hadn't. He told K. that he would disown her (a moment when his humaness emerged). I calmed him down and calmly explained that there was alot to be considered when entering an interracial relationship. She got upset and said that we were racist and prejudice and to just be open to meeting him. I shared with her that I had close friends when I was younger that were black and that I love every human being no matter what race or religion they are and that she should know better than to say that we are racist. I shared with her that my main concern as her mom was her overall happiness and that with interracial dating there are alot of factors that come into play that may affect her happiness & that is what most concerned me. I shared with her how painful it was for a good friend of mine that was biracial when it came to dating and unacceptibility by her BF's family when she dated whites and the same with blacks. She listened and I suggested that she talk to our next door neighbor a little and she came over and we discussed the pros & cons. K. called her Gram (Tom's mom) and came down in tears shortly after. I sat with her & asked what had her so upset and she shared how she was sad that no one could share in her happiness that this guy liked her. I told her that I was always happy when a guy liked her and that I WAS happy for her in a way but also saw it as something that may hurt her and that her family only loved her and wanted what's best for her. I told her to get to know this guy as a friend and that we would always open our door to any friend of hers and lets see how things go. She was upset about Tom's disowning her & I reassurred her that they were once again only words but that he loved her very much and would never be able to disown her for any reason and that he only wants what's best for her.

A week later I asked K. what was up and she got a little quiet and I asked if she was still interested in this guy. She blurted out that things were probably not going to work out between them. I asked her why that was and she told me with all the negative feelings it wasn't the type of boyfriend relationship that she wanted. She said she had a talk with him and explained her family's feelings of how they were against interracial dating. I got a little excited saying that she shouldn't have said something like that since it might hurt his feelings....she quickly smiled and said that she was smarter than that and hadn't done that. She said that she didn't want to do something like dating him behind our backs and I exclaimed that she has never made that a reason to stop her from doing something that she really wanted in the past and that there was more to this and that I really wanted to know. I cornered her and smiling said to fess up and tell me what really happened without all the "it's all my parent's fault" nonsense and that I had no intentions of expecting her to tell me that I was right but to be honest and tell me what she had decided and how she had come to the decision. K. told me that she wanted to be able to come home with a boyfriend and for us to totally welcome him and for her to have him hang out with her at home and didn't want to get into a relationship that would have her sneaking around, but most of all she wanted us to share in her happiness. She also said that she thought about how she would be away for the summer and in a matter of time she would be going off to college and that she had decided it was probably best if she just remained friends with Corey. I jumped up and made a big deal about how she had just showed me the biggest step she had taken in becoming a mature and independent woman and she smiled and told me not to get too crazy and I hugged her and said kiddingly how it wasn't so bad coming to the same conclusions as your parents and that I was so proud of the fact that she was able to do so on her own. She smiled and we sat for a while and I told her that her dad and I, as well as all of the people who loved her, only wanted what's best for her and that I hoped that she knew that. She jumped up and said to me...."mom this doesn't mean that I won't ever date a black guy....just for now it's not the right time " I smiled and said, "K. at least I can be proud of the fact that I certainly didn't raise you to be racist.

So, you see, GH.....things often work themselves out when we allow our kids to see that we do love them and leave the doors of communication open.....Goody :wave:





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