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Need some opinions
Jun 30, 2005
Ok i'll be the first to aknowlege i have trust issues, 17 years of believing my dad's lies then finding out the truth abruptly, then a 3 year relationship that ended due to being cheated on (then found out half the relationship was based on lies) have made me a bit wary of trusting people.


I;ve been seeing this new girl for about 1 and a half months. all was going fantastically... mention of ex's or her previous encounters didn't have me jealous (another big weakness of mine jealousy) nor did i get jealous if she would spend time with guy friends.

we see each other on average 2-3 times a week, usually the weekends, and we meet one day a week in the city for lunch. both of us have work committments and we live about an hour apart, so we do see each other alot considering.

now about a week ago i got someone add me to ***, saying they need to talk to me urgently... i ask all my contacts (including the girl) who this guy is. they all say they don't know him

so i add them and chat. turns out this guy claims the girl i'm seeing is also "cyber dating him" and they are going to meet... i ring the girl and ask if this is true, she now knows the guy... but claims she's spoken to him half a dozen times and has no intention of meeting him. alegedly a friend of his knows her, and gave him her details, including mobile number (i'm told by her). allegedly he is contacting her other friends and saying similar things (i don't know her friends). he's getting the contact details from an online survey we filled out about her (one of those "how well do you know XXX) and our *** details were recorded... doh

i don't know what to believe... i'll summarise it all (not in order that i found the info on)

reasons to believe something is going on:

she has been moody (but may be related to the fact that she is going through a tuff time at home that i know about), and me acting like i don't trust her won't help that. Her clamming up and getting upset when i try to ask about it doesn't help me.

she doesn't want me to keep in contact with him (although if he's spreading lies i can understand that too)

She lied when i asked her the first time who it was

he claims that they were supposed to meet a few days ago and she pulled out (she was with me) - she recieved 16 missed calls from an unknown number that day.

He calls her from an unlisted number, this is verified when she recieved a call wednesday (another day when we were together) from him (from an unlisted number)

we had a bit of a tiff after that call (i was hurt) and she left. i met up with her in the city and we spent a couple of hours together, before she went to stay at a friends house at about 6pm(she was supposed to be staying at mine because we were going somewhere thursday). i get a phone call from her late wednesday night "is it alright if i come over, i want to see you, sorry bout before, my friends place is no fun cause her and her boyfriend are too engrossed in each other etc."

Now the kicker. this guy has contacted a few of her friends saying that the girl and him had sex on an unnamed beach wednesday night, and they stayed together till about 6am on the beach.

she was at my place by 10pm...

now there would be time for the sex on the beach to happen in the time she was "alegedly" at the friends place... but i didn't notice any sand anywhere...

reasons to believe this guy is full of it:

His "all night on the beach story" does not check out due to the fact she was away from me 4 hours... ok a rondevou would have had time to occur, but not as this guy described.

she has been very honest to me (telling me things no one else knows etc... a blessing and a curse)...

we do spend alot of time together.

she seems genuinely interested in me (travelling 1 and a half hours on public transport just to see me for a couple of hours, she gave up her saturday to come with me to pick up my broken down car)...

she seems genuinely annoyed at this guy spreading stories.

i can see the pro's and cons of each side of the story...

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