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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

VERY glad you are already in some group counseling. GREAT to hear. Also, you can always give Al-Anon another try in the future if you want, but I understand if the first few "beginner" meetings were chaotic. That's a shame... these should be more structured. After all, dealing with an alcoholic is chaos enough!

Anyway, I don't have any further great advice to give you, but I Do have some hope for the future...

This SHOULD be over soon. The court date is bothersome and will extend your current mental state, unfortunately, if you have to testify. The legal aspect of all this sure brings it to the forefront and forces you to think things over more than you might like. So, yes... I can see why it SEEMS that you are being obsessive -- and maybe you are, a little bit more than you SHOULD. But at the same time... I understand that this is a PROCESS you must go through and it has ups and downs and thinking about it all right now is simply something you have to do.

You seem to have your head on straight, so that's good news.

More good news: once you've got his stuff OUT of your place and your life -- you WILL start to feel better. The "packing up his junk" process IS quite difficult and DOES dredge up a lot of memories. But it will be over soon.

You also did EXACTLY the right thing by re-arranging your apartment to make it "yours." I would have suggested that, in fact. I WILL further suggest that you go ahead and spend a few bucks of "mad money," just a little, when you have it to spare, and buy a few little things that are JUST yours and yours alone -- cool decorations or whatever to place here and there. If you can go out and buy these things with a good friend or family member, you'll have a great memory of that day you spent with someone you love when you look at the object. And if you want to buy something ALONE -- that's great, too -- you will have an object that represents your new life and new perspective. Doesn't have to be expensive -- just a trinket that is YOURS and that makes you happy.

Here's a secret -- I did these EXACT same things myself. I got rid of the "stuff" and created a whole new apartment, made it MINE. It worked, too. It FEELS like MY place now -- and, in fact, it IS.

This will take time. Prepare for several more months of unsteadiness. It will pass, I promise.

If you find yourself having bad dreams -- that is normal, too. They usually end in six months, getting less and less all the time.

You are on the right track -- and I wish you great luck and success in the future.

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