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Oh you guys are so sweet and touching! Thank you, LR and Goody, for your continual support and encouragement. You guys understand exactly what I am feeling so well and always manage to make the best of every situation and show me the most positive, caring way to deal with any obstacle that pops up. I am so grateful to have you guys, along with numerous other wonderful posters here, for friends. :)

You were both right, of course! :D I called Justin at work, left a voice mail, and then emailed him later because I am stubborn and very strong-willed and didn't actually apologize in my first message for being rude and kind of mean. After I left the message, I realized that he was always upfront and willing to accept responsibility with me when he messed up, so I wrote him an email and he wrote me as soon as he woke up the next day over email. One of the things that I prize most (other than the most important thing, as you once again psychically sensed, Goody! which is of course his loving acceptance and understanding about my pain and its accompaniments, which frustrates and maddens me more than I can describe at times.) is that Justin is meticulous about following through on his word when he promises to call or otherwise contact me...even to the point where he'll call when he's dead tired or it's otherwise inconvenient. This is so crucial to me because as I've said, I tend to be a high-anxiety, high-strung person and when I'm left to wait or be uncertain, it drives me nuts even though I have too much pride and dignity to ever call someone more than once or twice before hearing back. Anyway, I was very relieved and happy when I checked my messages after sending the email and saw that he had responded that same night. You may notice that we're both a bit succinct, bordering on blunt, when it comes to communication, but this is just another thing we have in common other than being only children with divorced parents, quirky, nerdy, and intelligent INTJs, lol. I guess the best way to explain is to again cut and paste parts of our emails, if you guys don't mind me taking a short cut in the interest of accuracy:


Here is my apology, from the email I quoted a few posts back:

Hi, sorry about hanging up on you before; I feel bad about that. I was frustrated but it's an immature thing to do and something I should avoid...I will try to be as honest and forthright as possible from now on if something bothers me...I was kind of figuring we'd get together this weekend, so if you want to call when you finish at the lab and make plans, that would be good.



Here is his email--FYI, we're in MN where there is currently a state shutdown and he is a Phd student only a few months from graduating:

I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner, but I'm really tired and not feeling like talking right now, it's been a bad day, starting with the phone call. First, I was late for my meeting with my advisor, why, because you weren't telling me anything on the phone, just silence. This is why I was short, I'm at work and can't spend 30 minutes talking on the phone at times. To top it off, you hung up on me, that was rude. So fine, I got a lecture about being punctual and how I should respect his time as he's a busy man and has other appointments. To top it off, he broke the news that it's unclear whether or not the University is breaking state law by giving me a paycheck. Wonderful, so even/when the new budget passes, I may have to payback all monies received through payroll back to the State of Minnesota. That was the straw that broke the camels back, next election, I'm going down the list, and despite stance or party affiliation, I'm not voting for the incumbant...(some cursing deleted here, lol)

Anyway, of course I accept your apology; you made a mistake, as did I a few days ago. We should all be able to forgive. We can talk more tomorrow, you can try calling, I don't know if I'll be working in the lab or not. I could do something tomorrow night if you're free. I always love to play tennis, but the current forecast has rain in it, maybe we can see a movie as a back-up plan? We can discuss tomorrow..."



Okay, so I felt like I should write back, and here's the relevant excerpt:

As far as not wanting to talk and feeling stressed or being in a hurry, please just let me know what's going on. I know how that stuff comes up, believe me, and if you ever don't have time to chat or aren't in the mood to have more than a brief conversation, just tell me, OK? You can be brief and concise and I promise not to take it personally or continue to take up time that you don't have. The only thing that frustrates me is when I can't get any kind of read on what's going on in your head or what you want to do...I'm not that great at reading people, especially on the phone which is why I hate the phone, and so you need to try to be as blunt and honest with me as possible when it comes to that stuff. Remember that you are dealing with someone who knows all about wanting and needing time and space alone where I don't have to deal with other people...this happens quite often so please don't hesitate to just be direct when you don't want to talk, hang out, whatever, for whatever reason.

I do so much better when people don't assume I can read their minds or signals and just tell me everything I need to know upfront, so I try to do the same for other people and not leave them confused or guessing as to what is going on inside my head. I hope you don't mind me explaining--it's good for me to get stuff off of my chest because it helps me not hold grudges for long except in rare circumstances, but I know that there's a point where it must get quite annoying to listen to me go on and on about what I've been thinking and feeling...again, just tell me please. I'll be so much happier if you tell me something candidly and it's not what I want to hear at all than if I'm not getting any kind of indication from you as to what you're thinking, what you want, what's wrong, etc. Does that make sense--hopefully it does and it's OK with you? And again I'm sorry for being immature and rude earlier...I should definitely just have just told you what I wanted to say without being so indecisive and beating around the bush endlessly.


Well, I talked to him soon after, and happily, here I am at Justin's house, relaxing watching Sex and the City DVDs (another selling point was discovering that he was a closet fan after his mom gave him her DVDs :) :), as am I now that my mom has bought every season). We had a really nice night together playing tennis, even though I got grumpy and quit a bit early, but I apologized and then we made dinner together and I beat him soundly in Scrabble...and of course we spent selected chunks of time in bed because we like to make sexual bets so we both benefit no matter who wins when we compete in various games :D. I really can't complain or worry much, except about the fact that I'm totally falling head over heels in love with him and making myself quite vulnerable to getting hurt...I just have to trust he won't do that, because my instincts tell me he feels the same way I do. We are going to hang out, then go out, with several of my girl friends from college and their boyfriends--I'm not too nervous, because they are all nice, outgoing, and welcoming, and none of them have any substance abuse problems like Justin's one notorious friend :rolleyes:. I will keep you guys posted, and I hope you all keep us posted as well on how your weekends unfold, especially my online dating buddies who met their men right when I met Justin! :) What ever happened to our online dating thread, anyway? Guess I should start thread #27, lol...anyway, have a great weekend, everyone, and best of luck in love, as always!





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