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[QUOTE=SophiaM]Yes, Soulster, EXACTLY, I am not really mad anymore, but what made me kind of upset yesterday was not necessarily that he made plans for the weekend, but that he just didn't mention anything at all during his phonecalls. Since we had discusses the possibility of going out to the movies this coming weekend when he was dropping me off on Sunday, it seemed a bit inconsiderate of him to just not say anything about the fact that we won't be spending any time together after all. It would have been perfectly fine if he'd mentioned that, but I felt slightly insulted that he was just going to ignore me and proceed with his own plans and then when I asked, he tells me about them and casually asks what my plans are. Seems like all of a sudden he's trying to act so "cool" like just a casual friend or something. Looks like you're one of the only people who exactly understood my concern. Thank you and hopefully you're right that it was just a simple error of judgement on his part and not an indication of some emotional problem with being close to someone.[/QUOTE]


Sorry some of the advice wasn't helpful, but I think littlerose gave you some great feedback, and hopefully by now you're feeling a little more comfortable with the situation. I do think you're better off not reading into this too much, for your own peace of mind more than anything else, but I certainly didn't mean to sound like you were overreacting. If anything, I think it's possible that NG is overreacting and being almost paranoid about scrutinizing you for any signs of clinginess, which although it seems like bizarre behavior from many women's point of view, isn't that uncommon among men and some women. I really hope, as you do, that this whole thing was no big deal and definitely not a sign of any trouble with commitment or emotional availability on NG's part...seems to me that the chances of this are quite good and that the whole issue was a fairly routine conversation that got a little blown out of proportion because of the very sensitive issues it addressed. I hope you guys get a chance to talk again soon so that you feel like this is more or less resolved and behind you, and so NG knows how you feel about spending time together and can be more thoughtful and careful not to disappoint you with his lackadasical planning again. Also, Sophia, looking back over my last post, not all of it came out the way I intended, and I especially didn't mean to imply that you were falling prey to any of the common pitfalls women face in the early stages of dating .I certainly didn't mean to say that you should be cautious about expressing your feelings or making demands on his time--you're so right that NG should realize how lucky he is to be with you exclusively and make every effort to demonstrate how much he likes you and wants to be with you whenever possible. At this point, there's absolutely no reason why he shouldn't know how you feel about seeing each other on weekends, and I think you're being completely fair to expect to see your boyfriend at least once a week. The distance thing of course can be tough, but if you are both committed to being together, I can't imagine that it would stand in your way :). Do you think you're going to talk to him about this at all, or just let it slide and see what happens next weekend? Either way, I think you'll be just fine as long as you don't maintain any grudge against him for making plans this weekend--I really think he was probably just being a bit thoughtless and trying to act cool, for what it's worth, and highly doubt that the weekend plans are a sign of deeper issues for NG regarding commitment and relationships. Let us know how it turns out, OK, Sophia?

I've been having some concerns of my own about Justin's difficulties expressing himself emotionally--while I don't mind guys being a little reserved and reticent about talking about their feelings, I also expect a guy to be verbally affectionate, complimentary, and clearly excited and eager to be with me whenever we have the chance. I'd feel the same way, and act the same way, toward someone I was falling for, so why can't he return the favor? With the exception of one ex who I absolutely could not get along with to save my life, I've never had a boyfriend that seemed to have as much trouble vocalizing his feelings as J. does. Granted, it's still early in our relationship, and i'd rather have him show me how he feels than gush all the time and not back up his proclamations of love and affection with consistent action, but still, this really concerns me from time to time. Sophia, does that sound similar to the fears you're having and have had in the past about NG's ability to open up and express himself emotionally? Is it asking too much for us to want boyfriends who not only treat us well and show us how much they adore us, but are also able to verbally demonstrate how much they like us and care about us? I think it was you who said recently that you'd never say I love you first again, and I agree 100%. I want a man who has passion and courage enough to fall in love with me and be able to tell me exactly how he feels...I'm not a mushy gushy person who loves to talk about my feelings by any means, but I think almost all women need some sort of verbal affection and reassurance to be happy for long in a relationship. I don't mean to make it sound like Justin's not giving me any vocal praise or affectionate comments, but sometimes his consistently easy-going, even-tempered nature seems more like apathy to me, and I wish he would be more excited and effusive when it comes to things like making plans or telling me how much he cares. I got fed up with him earlier today on the phone because he was just like, whatever you want, it's all fine with me, when it came to making plans for this weekend. I know deep down that he really wants to see me, and nothing he said countered that notion, but I would have really liked for him to be more assertive and eager to hang out with me. Maybe I've been over at his house way too much lately, and he needs some time and space alone to appreciate me more and get to miss me? I don't know--he seems genuinely sad to see me go and excited when I arrive, and I get the impression he'd be happy with me there pretty much all the time, so...I just don't know exactly where he's coming from, or exactly what I'm thinking and trying to get across to him here. I'm definitely starting to ramble again and I guess I should probably go discuss this on my own thread rather than barging in on yours, Sophia--but if you have any advice or insight when it comes to this verbal affection and expression stuff, I'd be extremely grateful! I have my fingers crossed that things are 100% back on track and back to normal between you and NG before long, if not already :).





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