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Relationship Health Message Board


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Those who read my thread "Can't Decide What To Do" know my situation. I was unsure about dating a guy who is divorced with 2 kids, 12 years older than me, and lives in my building. Well, things had been going wonderfully until this past Monday. We spent lots of time together which is easy since we're neighbors. :) On Saturday, we spent the morning together before my friends and I headed into town for a baseball game and then on Sunday we were on his friend's boat for the 4th of July. I knew he had plans with his friends on Monday, so when I called, I knew I had to leave him a message, which I did. He didn't return my call, which is fine...I was just calling to see how his day was, nothing too important to say.

Tuesday night, still no call. I have to mention that while this may seem normal, him and I would talk usually 2 or 3 times a day. I did wonder if maybe we did talk a lot and he needed a break. But about a week ago, there was an event in our town that we went to with a bunch of our friends and most of us got a little buzzed. He told me the next day that he was pissed at me about something I said (which I honestly cannot remember). I asked him what I said and wanted to apologize for whatever behavior I showed that offended him. He said to forget about it and we went back to the way we always were. So on Tuesday when I didn't hear from him, I called again and said if there was anything wrong that he could talk to me about it (because this happened a week ago, I thought maybe it happened again). A day later, still no return call. He was home all last night because I could hear him up there but because I did leave that message, I didn't feel comfortable going upstairs to talk to him at that point.

I was talking with my friend today and she said not to call him myself tonight but to see if he'll call. She suggested waiting til Thursday to call and ask if we could discuss what's been going on if I haven't heard from him. I like her idea.

I really am bothered by what's happened. I have a very hard time opening up and expressing my feelings to guys that I date because I've always been hurt so I feel like I protect myself by holding everything in (which I know isn't always healthy). He told me right from the beginning that he understood it was hard for me because of his "baggage" but that I should always talk to him about my feelings. So I have been and it's been good. I don't understand why he's being such a hypocrite by ignoring me and not letting me know what's going on with him. I never cry over relationships because it usually ends so bad, it's a relief it's over. But last night, I couldn't keep it in and once the tears started, it was hard to stop.

Over the time we have been dating, we've become extremely close...he is kind, attentive, helpful. Since this is the first time I've lived alone, he's done a lot to help me. I come home from work and he has dinner for me. He's bought and installed my air conditioner. I don't ask him for anything and told him I would never expect him to do anything for me. He said he enjoys doing things for me and doesn't need me to do anything in return. He's also amazing in bed. All these things made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world! :)

Like I said, I like my friend's idea about giving him space to see if he'll call me. But I just know that I'm going to have to be the one who questions him. I just have a hard time understanding what's happened since he said right from the beginning that he wanted a relationship with me and I was very hesitant about it. The minute I realize he's the kind of guy I need in my life, he disappears. I was just hoping to get the opinion of some posters to see if they have any suggestions about what they would do if they were in my position.

Thanks guys! :)





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