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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=Piranna65] The fact about marriage is the top of the list and if he wants it to happen this is how it's going to have to be. I've already told myself I cannot marry him unless this is being paid of promply, I dont want us to get married and have his mom and step dad look as us and say ....they can pay it they are doing much better then we are....[/QUOTE] I think this is a very wise decision, Piranna. But from what you describe I don't think that the debts that you are speaking about will be paid off promptly. I'm a little confused....they took out a credit card in your BF's name. Are they paying it off??? Or are you & your BF intending on doing so....who needs to pay the debt off promptly, his parents??? Because if this is so I don't see anything prompt about it :eek: These people have been in debt forever, what makes you think that they are going to do anything promptly now???

Also...you need to be so careful that you don't come across as controlling and as a dictator. You need to be understanding in the sense that this is his family flaws & all but make it clear that you need to come first and that you cannot take on his family's financial difficulty. The two of you already have your own.

[QUOTE=Pirannna65]I dont want to make him "choose'' I'd like to see him come flat out and tell me its done no more money to them I swear. Now they owe the check and cash thing (not them my boyfriend really) for the electric. You know? Whats next? What bill/s cant they pay for next??? I've told him I just dont understand how any family member can do this to their child, i still dont see it actually. Neither does my boyfriend.[/QUOTE] They will do it until he says NO and sticks to it no matter what. So long as they see that he can be broken down with guilt they will continue doing so. You must convince him that people that love one another will not treat each other this way using them and taking advantage of them. They need to know where the boundaries are and that is that you are not a bank.....they need to go to work and do whatever it takes to make the money they need in order to pay their bills just like everyone else does.

[QUOTE=Pirannna65]Here's my list so far, 1.Money situation, needs to end they shouldnt be dependent on him. 2. This debt needs to start moving otherwise I wont get married for some time. 3. (unsure of this idea let me know what you think) Making his parents sign something saying that they WILL pay the whole debt off, this way if they stop then we can take them to court? 4. family usage of his vehical, if we move out, this ends, they have no respect for it anyway and rarely put gas it! 5. The most recent check and cash that he made should be the last for them! [/QUOTE] You need to make it clear & simple.....you will not give them anymore money no matter what!!! The hard part is standing united and not allowing the guilt to pull you down like a ball & chain aroung your neck :eek: They shouldn't use his vehicle at all...he makes the payments and maintains it and pays for the insurance. Let them walk or get a cab or bike it to where they need to go. A ride once in a while somewhere on the way to where he is going is okay but he shouldn't become their personal chauffer :nono:

Signing a note might be good in the sense of keeping track of their payments and making it more real in the sense of seeing it on paper. Each time they pay an installment a signature from you should serve as a receipt and documentation and be sure to note the balance. Should they miss any payments it won't become an issue of your word against theirs. So I think this would be a good idea.

I can't tell you how important it is that you see in action that your BF doesn't cave in whenever his family needs money or take from him/you in anyway before you consider marrying him. I know that this may be difficult but your BF needs to know that this must be done before you will consider a future with him or set a date. That should be a definite on your list.

Please keep us posted as to how things go.....Goody :wave:





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