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I agree with Pooh Bear that it's really hard for anyone to say what's going on in your ex's mind with any certainty. My take though is that he wants the best of both worlds...he wants to still be in your life as a friend and keep you hanging around. But honestly, that's pretty selfish and unfair to you, considering that he has to know how you still feel for him and that there's little chance of you getting over your feelings for him and moving on as long as he's a regular presence in your life. As the one who did the breaking up, besides, he's the one with the obligation to come out and be upfront with you if he's changed his mind about pursuing a romantic relationship. Since he's not doing that, and he's not giving you clear signs that he wants anything more than friendship (meaning holding your hand, snuggling up together, being more affectionate than platonic friends would, etc), I hate to say it, but my guess is he's leading you on, although possibly not consciously. I've been in several situations where I've either stayed platonic friends with exes or became friends with benefits after breaking up, which did lead to a reconciliation. I really think that if he wanted to rekindle your romance, he would be acting like a boyfriend and saying/doing the same loving, affectionate things he's always done--basically not acting any differently than when you were together, because he wants to get back together but doesn't have the nerve to come out and admit he made a mistake. I could easily be wrong here, but I just think you'd be getting more definitive signals from him if he wanted more than your friendship.

Like I mentioned above, I've also been in situations where I've maintained friendships with exes that I broke up with, and in such cases, I've been very clear not to do anything affectionate that could be interpreted as encouragement that I might be interested in reconciling. I knew deep down that those exes still had romantic feelings for me that I no longer reciprocated, and while I wanted to still be friends because I enjoyed their company and cared for them as friends, I didn't want to make things any more confusing or difficult for them than necessary. Because maintaining a friendship with an ex when one person clearly has not completely gotten over the breakup is inherently selfish on the dumper's part--he or she wants to be friends to the point where they are willing to ignore the fact that such a decision is not in the best interest of their ex's feelings. The most mature and considerate thing to do after you leave someone is cut all ties with them (at least stop all contact except an occasional friendly call or email), thus giving them the space and distance to completely heal and move on before attempting to resume contact and/or start a platonic friendship. No matter what your ex desires from you, I think he's being insensitive to your vulnerable, still strong feelings for him, and a bit cowardly about not talking to you honestly and openly about how he feels and what he wants out of this "friendship" with you. It's pretty mean to just leave you dangling there, hoping he'll change his mind about ending your relationship, while still remaining a major part of your life and making it impossible for you to accept that the breakup is final and move on without him. As long as he hangs around you so noncommitally, you're going to be stuck in a painful and frustrating limbo not knowing what the future holds, but not able to get on with your life without him either. He owes you the courtesy, after all you've been through together, of having the guts to face you and be candid about what he's hoping to get out of maintaining a friendship with you. Deep down, he must know that the way he's acting now is confusing you and keeping your hopes of reconciling with him alive, which is completely unfair if he doesn't want anything more than friendship, and cowardly on his part if he does want to resume your relationship but can't find the nerve to be upfront with you about this desire. Not to mention the obvious difficulties his continued involvement in your life could potentially cause for your new relationship as well as future possible boyfriends...one way or another, you deserve an honest explanation of what he's thinking and what he wants from you at this point. He owes you at least that much, and if I was you, I would strongly suggest that you confront him about what's going on. It's not fair for you to be left hanging, wondering but not quite daring to hope that his renewed interest in you is more than platonic. If he still truly cares about you, he owes it to you to be completely open and honest about his motives for wanting to continue playing an important role in your life. Regardless of whether he only wants to be friends or desires a reconciliation, he should have no problem being straight with you so that you know where you stand in his mind and can make future decisions accordingly. Personally, I'd be very hesitant to ever let a guy have the chance to break up with me more than once, but only you know what decision is best for you if in fact he does want to get back together. But if he gives you any answer other than an unequivocal, "I'm still in love with you and dying to give our relationship another chance," please take that as a clear and definitive sign that your breakup is final and that it's time to move on once and for all...whether or not you still want to be friends or whether you think that will only get in the way of your healing process is up to you, but you deserve some answers from this guy ASAP! Good luck and take care... :)

PS--Great response, Hiya! I couldn't agree more about reading between the lines too much and overthinking things--it's tough not to do so when we want something to be different so much, but it's not healthy for you in the long run to hold out hope that he wants to reconcile if that's not the case. Also, you seem to be operating under the assumption, going by your last post, that he's acting completely unselfishly and with your best interests at heart, which is not necessarily the case. To me, this guy sounds like he's being pretty selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings right now, and he'll continue to do so as long as you allow him to not provide you with any upfront, honest answers about his intentions when it comes to you and him.





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