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My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. I met him when I was still in high school and he was going to college an hour away. I found out that he was cheating on me while he was away at school. I was devestated but stayed with him because he promised he would change. Time went by and I never brought myself to trust him again. Things got better but I always had my suspicions. I kept hearing things from friends and I always caught him lying about little things. By our second year together, I quit suspecting him, but broke things off because he acted as if he lost interest in me. He quit hugging me, kissing me, ect. He wouldnt even ask about my day or show any affection. During our break apart I slept with him and ended up pregnant. We got back together for the baby, but things only got worse. Now he tells me he doesn't care about me, that I'm rediculous, that I'm crazy, ect. Nine months later our son was born and I was blown away by how bad of a father he was. He would prop our son's bottle up against his chest while playing playstation and would sleep while trying to feed him at night. I would come into the bedroom and my son would be lying there with milk all over his face, struggling to get it out of the bottle because my boyfriend would be asleep with the bottle cocked to the baby's cheek. Then he started yelling and cussing at me in front of our son. I eventually broke up with him over this because my son is my everything and I dont want him to grow up disrespecting women. I keep trying to work things out with my boyfriend/ex because it's hard being a single parent. I wont let him have our son for the day because my ex's mother smokes and their apartment reeks like a bar. Somedays I just get lonely and cry because I feel as if I'm chosing to be a single parent. I have no friends because I'm only 20 and no other girls my age have children here. I've met other guys but most of them are hesitent to date me because I have a baby. I've asked my boyfriend not to talk down to me or yell in front of our son and he won't stop. Then the other day he told me he ran into a girl I use to know at the movie store and I asked his mom if he was even at the movie store yesterday and she said no. I dont know how he ran into her or if he just went over to her house but he's obviously still lying to me too. Is this even worth working out? I never thought I'd be a single mom but here I am, back to square one at my parents house picking up the pieces.
You're better off without him Lynn. This guy is a jerk and has treated you and your son badly and more than likely he's not going to change. Getting back together with him just to avoid being a single parent would be a mistake. It's very difficult right now I know but you're doing the right thing. There are millions of single women who raise their kids and go on to meet/marry nice men who treat them with love and respect. My SIL raised her son for 8 years on her own before meeting her fiance. Her son's father was a jerk and she decided she's rather be on her own than just settle for "second best"..a guy who treated her like dirt. Yes it was hard to start with but it made her a stronger, more confident woman.

I remember you saying in a different post that you went to church. Maybe there are some mother/baby groups you can get involved with through there. Churches usually sponsor different activities and groups.

It's early days but I promise you it will get better. Take care.
I was a single mom at 20. I am not going to lie, it was really really hard. I had a psycho, loser ex and we were supposed to get married, but thank goodness I came to my senses. I moved in with my parents while pregnant. Luckily, they had a HUGE house, so I practically had my own floor, but it was still difficult. I had my baby, worked and went to school. Mostly I didn't get any sleep. It was a lonely time. Noone in my classes had kids and I rarely met people to be friends with. I desperately wanted to be out on my own, but couldn't do it. I felt like my life was on hold. I also had low self-esteem. I felt like even though I left my ex, I was a loser for not being married.

Over several years, as my daughter got older, I started feeling better about myself. By the time she was 4-5 years old, I was very happy. I was working full-time and dating and I enjoyed being a mom. I Really had to work hard to build up my self-esteem, and changed sooooo much as a result. I still lived with my parents, but life was really good. Met my hubby and got married when things were going great. I now have another daughter.

I have to say, being a single mom, though really hard, was easier than trying to raise my daughter with a jerk. IT was the lesser of 2 evils I guess. My daughter is better for it, and so am I. I would never encourage someone to be a single parent, but you already have the baby, so it is your only choice. I strongly recommend you find a way to get out of your relationship. You can work on yourself and hopefully, over time, you will grow like I did. Im 28 now. My single parenting experience is behind me. I wouldnt give it up, because it caused me to be who I am today. The struggle has made me strong.

I would have to say that single parenting wasn't as hard as dealing with the crappy relationship that put me in that position.
I never planned on being a single mom either .. but it turned out that way and yes it is hard but my daughter is worth every bit of it.

Life isn't easy .. being a parent isnt easy ... but that little person needs you to raise them ... give them a good life ... teach them how to be comfortable in their own skin.

I think that dating shouldnt even be on your to do list .. its been a year since my breakup and I am JUST STARTING to think about dating ... take your time here. Get a routine for you and your child. Find out what YOU like to do . Take this golden oportunity to spend all your energy on your child .. they get big so fast .. you dont get this time back.
Hey girl, I found ya! I know you are probably sick of hearing from me, but I stopped in here because I never heard your whole story before. I only talk to you on the mommy board. So, I didn't realize what a creep he really is. I vote that you forget that he ever existed. And to answer your question, NO, your relationship is not worth saving. The only relationship that is worth saving is the one you have with your boy. Trust me, growing up with an abusive father who disrespects the mother as well as all women is not fun. My father was a total jerk, but my mom just knew that he would change after every last beating, and it took her 20years and several black eyes to figure out that he'll never change. And who it truly hurt was my brother and I. It's truly hard to watch your own mother take a beating. And now my brother is just like my father. Now, I don't know if the man your with is abusive like this. But fighting or verbal abuse is bad too, and often times develops into this kind of abuse. You think my dad attracted my mom by yelling at her, no it always starts out small. Don't think about the guy and don't worry about being a single mom, if people want to judge you it's because they have issues of thier own and they need to shut up or something. Nobody wants to be a single parent, it's all about circumstances which you have no control over. If he doesn't want to own up, make sacrifices and live the life of a true father, than you did your best and it's time to throw in the towel. You just can't force him as frustrating as it is. So there you have it, curb him and get on with your life. You will meet Mr. Wonderful in due time. You don't want to date this soon anyway, you might end up with another loser while your still vulnerable. That wasn't meant to be as insulting as it sounds either, I meant "vulnerable" as in "freshly hurt". Keep yer chin up, your doing great! Keep posting as it relieves some of the insanity. Talk at ya later!

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