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Relationship Health Message Board


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I am new to this board but really could use some advice. I started dating James my husband last summer and we fell madly in love so quick it was like we are soul mates we are so alike and compatible as far as having relationship goes. Both of us were in school and very ambitious. We started talking about engagement 2 months into the relationship and did it in November with plans to finish school get married and have a family together. We never fought just bickered and resolved issues calmly, the best man I have ever had in my life. I found out I was pregnant on April 14th and we were completely shocked as I was on birth control that I only had a period every 4 months on(and took it on time every day I might add). When I went to the OBGYN a few days later and had an ultrasound I was really shocked to find out I was 20 weeks(5 mos.) pregnant!!!! :dizzy: Not only were we completely unprepared financially (neither of us make more than $300-$350 a week) but I saw my hopes for an education and leaving the impoverished rural town I grew up in fly out the window :wave: . Then after a couple days we both managed to swallow reality and were actually really happy to be blessed with a child so quickly and both see it as god granting our dreams to be together and have a family by default, so we got married May 11th started trying to figure out how to make our lives work(continue our educations/dreams and give our child the life we didn't have). Well James decided he would join the Air Force as they offer housing, healthcare, education and all kinds of other benefits and he could finish the 6wk boot camp and have me come live on base before the baby got here. Only when we get to the recruiter they say it will be at least September before he could ship out (our baby girl Kaylee Erica Crowe is due 9-7-05) so thats out of the question until at least December or January since I wouldn't have the heart to make him miss his little girls first couple of months. Now we are living at my Mother-in-laws since we don't have the money to buy this endless list of baby stuff(its alot!) and afford our own apartment and other bills at the same time. James does construction work but it isn't reliable as any day it rains or his boss doesn't work he doesn't either so it's barely enough for us to pay half the bills at his mom's house(another story completely we pay 1/2 the bills but also we have to buy groceries for his mom and 18 yr old sister even though they both make more individually than we do together, they just eat it all even my juice and health food for pregnancy and leave us with an empty fridge, they stay at a pool hall which his moms boyfriend of the month owns and party hard all the time etc. etc.) anyways he has halfway looked for a job to no success, he is going to be a computer programmer (if he can ever get out of this town to somewhere that uses computers and hires people for that) so he uses that for an excuse to sit in front of his computer all day long and ignore anything I have to say, stay up until 5 am and still expect my family to send more and more money to support both of us. I quit working a month ago because waiting tables was causing me excruciating back pain/sciatica since I have scholiosis so I guess he thinks he shouldn't have to work either? My family has tried to get me to come live with them until he can support me and provide a good environment for me to raise a baby (his moms house is smoked in and she and her daughter do drugs here so it wouldn't work even though James says they would quit) and I would like to since they are very well off financially and I would be so much less stressed etc. but I love him so much and don't want to ruin a perfectly good marriage because he can't leave for the air force until January and he has said it would probably be over if I moved and "left him". We have recently started fighting because of the stress and it hurts so bad to know that if things were different we would be sooo happy in this situation but we are getting distanced emotionally because of our different views and inability to come up with a solution. I feel trapped here where I don't know if I will have money or support to eat right or make it to doctor appointments every day and even though I love him it's like James has clammed up and broken under the stress of not being able to sup[port his family so now he is just numb and takes no action to help me in preparing for this baby. It's like he is a shell of the man he used to be and I know he won't be himself again until he goes in the Air Force and feels he is accomplishing something. I hope somebody out there has some advice and solutions I am so mad at him because I would sacrifice if I was in his position and work 2 fast food jobs if that is what it took (but he says he "can't do" that kind of work as if he's too good for it) and at the same time I feel sorry for him because I know he has had a stress free life so far ( I have lived in a big city and worked my butt off before just to survive since my parents haven't worked in 10+ yrs kicked me out when I was 16 etc. before but he has lived with his mom while in school and never had to be accountable) and he is like cracking under the pressure plus I know he will do very well in the military once he is in it just sucks right now and I love him too much to give up on him after 2 months of marriage. Please help me I really need some friendly support right now as I feel totally alone and all I can do is cry :( all the time and get called a ***** for not being happy with what I've got and for acting like I'm too good for my mother-in-laws son? I just want to give my baby a good home, start a family and be happy for the first time in a few months. Thanks for reading all this I know it's long and I'm sorry but I had to get alot off my chest and this isn't even half of it! Thanks for your time and what should I do? :confused:

Lauren and James married 05-11-05 :D
First Angel Due 09-07-05 :angel: Kaylee Erica Crowe





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