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I am having trouble letting go.

In September, I'll be transferring to another college an hour away...and I know when this happens it will be the death of our relationship for sure. But I know it's already over. I would like to deal with this now. I want to have a good time for the rest of the summer without feeling sad, angry, guilty, etc. I also don't want to start my second year of college all depressed because I miss him. How do I finally just do it?

A little background if curious:
Since I was 14 (I'm 20 now) I've been hooked on this guy. He was my first and he REALLY f'd me up in the beginning. He cheated on me repeatedly with his ex and if that wasn't bad enough, he cut off all contact with me for a year because he chose to be with her instead. And it wasn't just him I had trouble with. His girl and her friends harassed me constantly. Made my life a living hell! She still had the nerve to start up some stuff when they broke up and I had nothing to do with him!

But, after that year we got back together and we've been together ever since.

Even though we were back together, I still had a hard time letting go of what he did to me. I guess you could say I went through SEVERE PTSD. Then things were going pretty good for awhile. But like most people, I started to heal/grow/change...and this is a problem because well. He's pretty much in the same spot. Not only is that a problem, but he does a lot of messed up things...things that are indeed human...but have become a problem because he does them constantly.

He's a really nice guy. I love him and I know he loves me too. But I believe we are too different now and it will never end up working out. I enjoy his company a lot, and a lot of the time I feel like I NEED him. (it's getting better) I guess I just don't know what I'm afraid of? Maybe not so much of being alone, but more so... being afraid that no one else will love me. I have been in other relationships before (none too serious) and looking back at those, and looking at how he is, no one has really been better than him.

I don't even know what I would say to him. I do want to be friends. And if I could say just that, and everything be fine that would be great. I really don't want to hurt him and I also don't want to "talk" (a.k.a argue) about WHY I want to end it. I think I need a plan...but have no clue where to start.

Any comments...would be appreciated. Thanks.





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