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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Marie, I have to agree with the advice you've gotten so far. It's clear you're trying to look for good, you're trying to come up with excuses to stay with him. But as I'm sure you know, you should NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER enter into or stay in a relationship thinking you can change someone. There IS NO WAY that you can MAKE him want to spend more time with you. You can nag, badger, trick, coerce him into spending more time with you for a while, but you can't make him enjoy your company or WANT to be with you. It's pretty clear this guy doesn't really love you. I've been in the same situation myself, and I wish to God I had had someone there to shake me and tell me to gather up my pride and self respect and leave before I got hurt. But I didn't, so I stayed and stayed while he got more and more distant and verbally abusive and I ended up getting more hurt than you could possibly imagine.

The question really isn't even how can you get him to spend more time with you or who is being unreasonable in this situation. The real question is, are you really truly happy with the way things are? Since you have NO control over his behavior, you cannot make him spend more time with you or be more attentive or include you more. You have to decide whether this is how you really want to live. The truth is, you're gambling the rest of your life on whether this guy really wants to be with you. You've talked about marriage, but in your gut, in your soul, heart of hearts, do you really feel he wants to marry you? Do you really want this to be your life for the rest of your life? Seems to me you really only have two choices, which are fairly simple when you get right down to it. 1) stay and put up with the way things are and take a big chance that in another 1, 2, 3 years he won't up and say "I don't want to do this anymore. see ya. or 2) have the strength and courage to go after what you really want in a relationship and go find a man who will pay you the attention and who will give you the love and affection and include you the way you want.

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