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Jul 21, 2005
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and we just moved in together in the middle of June. Things were fine and I was happy until July 1st when he proposed to me. Let me preface the rest of this story by saying I am 27 years old, but this is my first serious relationship, and he is the first guy I have had a sexual relationship with. So after a year of having a serious boyfriend, having sex for the first time, and moving in together, he decides it's a good time to propose marriage. I am also starting graduate school in a month. I have never had any doubts about our relationship, and now I am taking a serious look at it, and wondering if it is really what I want. I know he loves me, and he has told me I am the love of his life. I have been so confused the last three weeks, and I am at my mom's house trying to figure out what I want. I'm worried that if I have this many doubts about my relationship that I may just not want to be in it right now. My boyfriend is very loving, gentle, and generous. We have a healthy relationship except that I don't know what I want. I feel like I need space to figure it out, but I also don't know how long I need. i can't string him around forever and he is already upset because I told him that i was going to take a step back from the relationship and go back to living at home and see him when a couple nights a week, because everything is moving to fast for me. I'm afraid I'm not taking a serious a look and realizing that deep down he may not be what I want. But then i wonder why I never had these serious reservations before. Maybe because our relationship was never brought to the level of engagement. I told him when he would talk about marriage that I'm just not ready to do anything until after graduate school, and that I'm not going anywhere so we have time. But he still proposed. I feel horrible because I'm so confused and I don't know what I want. This has been going on for almost a month now, and I'm still stressed out about the whole thing. I guess the only thing I can do is be honest with him and tell him what I am thinking. I'm just such a mess, I think one thing one minute, and something else the next. I'm starting to think he deserves someone better than me. Someone who can make up their mind and not freak out like this. Or maybe the freaking out is a sign. I don't know....





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