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Hello all :wave:

I am just curious to know people's views on being "set-up". I have been a little aggrivated lately because it seems as though everyone I meet or am around has someone that they want to set me up with. I know that they have good intentions, but I just feel weird when it doesn't work out. Should I continue to go on these set-up dates, in order to possibly not "miss out" on someone that could be a match? I guess I will just continue to go with the flow and whatever happens happens.
I refuse to be set up because I think it's uncomfortable for all if it doesn't work out and uncomfortable for me even if it does. Every so often for the past several years, my sister has tried fixing me with a divorced friend of the family. She keeps saying he's such a nice guy. Well, I have a "nice guy" and it's boring! I could tell the other guy would be just as dull. He hardly says a word. I also find him unattractive. Even if I [I]would[/I] be interested and things developed, I would feel funny kissing this family friend. I also don't want people checking on the progress of the relationship or asking questions if it doesn't work out.
Back when I was single, I got set up a few times. One worked out for about 8 months or so, but he turned out to be a jerk. I can't say if it's a bad thing or not to be set up, I guess it's up to you. There were some uncomfortable situations with the people who set me up, but we got over it. If your open to it, I would say give it a try. In my expierence though, what sisters and friends think of their brothers is usually a different opinion for the person being set up.

good luck :)
Anytime I was set up it never worked out.
The one time that a guy friend showed up with one of his friends with NO intentions of fixing me up - well, that ended up being my husband!
:angel:
Hey Glamourgirl :wave: I think you shouldn't feel weird or guilty in any way if nothing pans out with the guys you were set up with by your well meaning friends and acquaintances. You just need to make it clear to them that you are going out with this person with an open mind, but of course, nobody knows what will happen. I think it's great that you have so many friends who care about you enough to want to "set you up" with potentially interesting guys! I wish I had friends like that, but mine don't seem to know anyone single. So, yes, I think you should continue going out on these set up dates because, really, you never know what they might lead to, and you might end up meeting someone special that way, or even making a nice new friend is worth it, no? To make it a little more foolproof, maybe you could request some basic info about your potential dates from the people who are setting you up and it might be good to talk on the phone with the guys prior to meeting them to break some ice. Better yet, let your friends bring the guy with them while going out as a group--that way you can both check each other out and avoid any potential awkwardness, etc. Hope it works!
Thanks everyone for your replies :) ! Hangin in There, I can certainly relate to what you are saying. I too have had friends/family try to set me up with the "nice guys" that like you said turn out to be very dull. I refuse to be set-up with these types. I hope that doesn't come across as rude, but I think that is why these guys are still single---they usually don't have very good self-esteems and that always ends up being a major problem. Also, I have made a few people somewhat upset with me because I didn't like their friend whom they wanted to "set me up" with and I just refused to go out with them because I am not attracted to that personality type.

I have actually only been on one real "blind date" and the guy turned out to be a total hunk----I absolutely loved his personality!!! I guess I ended up being the dull one because I never got a call-back. I recently talked to the lady that wanted us to meet and she thinks that I should call him because she said that he has been very busy with work lately (she works at the same place as him) and that has been all he has had time for. I just refuse to do it though because if he truly liked me he would have found the time to give me a quick call. I have never been the one to pursue someone before and I just think that if a guy really likes you, he will certainly find the time to call.

Anyway, the reason I started this thread is because it seems like in the last month or so people that I don't really even know are wanting to set me up with someone whom they know---and almost everyone in my family has someone that they want me to meet too, and I just feel uncomfortable about it. The only reason I ended up going on the blind date with the sexy guy is because 1) the lady that wanted us to meet kept bugging me and would not relent :eek: and 2) I had just went on 2 dates with a really boring guy :yawn: and I thought that surely the blind date guy wouldn't be as boring, so I finally called him back the next day (after the final boring guy date)---and I really liked his personality, we laughed a lot on the phone. But it just didn't turn out to be a happily ever after :) !

Sophia, I really liked your advice----I think that I will be open-minded to being set-up, but like you stated I will get a lot of info first--or maybe see if I can meet them in a group setting before I agree to go out on an actual date. I have been really busy lately and I also just got back from a vacation, so I have not been on here very much, but I am trying to catch-up on your thread! I hope your date goes well with NG!!! Just know that you deserve only the best---so I hope that he is finally willing to be that!!
[QUOTE=glamourgal]I have actually only been on one real "blind date" and the guy turned out to be a total hunk----I absolutely loved his personality!!! I guess I ended up being the dull one because I never got a call-back. I recently talked to the lady that wanted us to meet and she thinks that I should call him because she said that he has been very busy with work lately (she works at the same place as him) and that has been all he has had time for. I just refuse to do it though because if he truly liked me he would have found the time to give me a quick call. I have never been the one to pursue someone before and I just think that if a guy really likes you, he will certainly find the time to call.

Sophia, I really liked your advice----I think that I will be open-minded to being set-up, but like you stated I will get a lot of info first--or maybe see if I can meet them in a group setting before I agree to go out on an actual date. I have been really busy lately and I also just got back from a vacation, so I have not been on here very much, but I am trying to catch-up on your thread! I hope your date goes well with NG!!! Just know that you deserve only the best---so I hope that he is finally willing to be that!![/QUOTE]

Hey Glamour Girl! It's good to hear from you again, and I think you have a really great head on your shoulders when it comes to dating. I couldn't agree more with the first paragraph I quoted of yours above, especially the last two sentences. You are right not to take your coworker's advice, though I understand why she wants things to work out, as we all like to be successful matchmakers. Like you, I've always had a strong aversion to being the one to do the pursuing...if a guy doesn't keep a relationship going, at least in the early stages, I'm not going to do the work for him. In the few cases where I've given men the benefit of the doubt and done my share of the pursuing, things fizzled out, and I should have just sat back and realized a lot earlier that he wasn't that interested. We women could save ourselves so much wasted time and energy on men who are lukewarm about us if we'd trust our instincts when they don't call or otherwise make a consistent effort to keep us in their lives. I really think you're 100% correct that a guy will always find a minute to call or otherwise contact you if he's interested, considering how much women and sex are on their minds! ;) Besides, if a guy likes a girl, he is going to enjoy being enthusiastic about pursuing her...that's a big part of the fun for them, and I've never had a man who really liked me not be happy to pursue me. The ones who didn't call or only called sporatically when I didn't contact them just weren't that into me--I'm glad I wasn't more assertive about pursuing them, or who knows how many not that interested men I would have dated!

I'm not saying that if a guy doesn't call, it's always about the girl, because a lot of times they are just busy or not looking to date or involved with someone else or some other reason that doesn't have anything to do with the girl. But I think it's very smart to let them come to you; it's the quickest and most reliable way to tell if he really likes you. We'd save ourselves a lot of wondering and frustration if we'd all read He's Not Just That Into You and stop making excuses in our minds that make us feel okay about doing all or most of the chasing with men we really like who don't pursue us. That book just confirmed everything I'd already suspected about female friends I have who go after guys or continue to make an effort with men who don't pursue them in return. Women could save themselves so much time and effort with men who aren't that interested and will eventually move on if they only date guys who consistently and actively pursue them. I think the next time I hear a friend justify calling a guy who didn't call her after a date because "he's working really hard," or "he's been traveling," or "he's just shy about chasing after me," etc., I'm just going to keep quiet and give her a copy of that book. I hate to say this, because I'm such an ardent feminist and would really like to think that women and men can both do the chasing, but I guess while we're equal, we're not the same, and one thing that men want to keep exclusive to them is being the pursuers with women. Sorry to babble on about this; I mainly wanted to let you know that I think you're very smart to have grasped this so clearly and to live accordingly, no excuses! (In case you can't tell, it's just sinking in for me...I've never chased after guys because of shyness, not because I knew all this, but now I see why I've intuitively always sensed that I was better off that way.) I always admired women with the nerve to pursue guys, but thinking back, I've never seen one single example of guy really liking a woman where she was the one who put most of the effort into keeping the relationship going. In every single case like that, it turned out that he was just not that into her--either she was the "other woman" he never ever ended up leaving his primary relationship for, the girl he called for sex after other dates, or someone he tolerated dating until he met someone he really liked and disappeared. If every woman who wondered whether a man was truly into her stopped calling him, I bet most of them would be very unpleasantly surprised that they never heard from the man again.

Anyway, I apologize for going on and on about that and not about the main topic of your thread. While I think it's generally a good idea to go on as many dates as possible to learn more about what you want and like in the opposite sex, it doesn't sound like you're at all enthusiastic about these set-up attempts. I can certainly understand why...dating can be frustrating enough as it is without having to report back to people in your lives who are anxiously hoping you'll live happily ever after with the men they picked for you. If I were you, I'd take that pressure off yourself by just telling would-be matchmakers that you've decided to either take a break from dating or just stop going on blind dates. People will probably take it a lot better when you say no to setups if they think you're not interested in dates/blind dates period, rather than not interested in the particular guy they're trying to pitch to you. Even if you have to tell some white lies, that should get them to lay off once they say no...I know how annoyingly persistent those wannabe matchmakers can be! If you do agree to be set up, I think you're right to take Sophia's advice about getting together in a group rather than one-on-one. I think your approach sounds really smart, and please don't worry about offending people or hurting their feelings when you turn down dates. You have every right to date who you want without any pressure or guilt trips from others...I really admire you for being so smart and refusing to settle for something you don't want. I wish you all the best when it comes to dating...keep us posted please, OK? :wave:
Hey Stace!!

Thanks so much for your post!!!! I definitely agree with what you said. If a guy really likes a girl, he will MAKE the time to give her a call!!

I have really been down lately (and I actually wanted to call the sexy set-up guy earlier, but I refrained from doing so). There have been several guys that I have met recently and they just all seem weird----or something is wrong with them (like they have a low self-esteem). I really don't feel like I am asking for much----just a normal, clean-cut guy, but there seem to be none of those around!!

Anyway, I don't want to go into all of that on here because I just posted a new thread about all of that. I will definitely keep you and everyone posted on how my dating life goes---and if any of the set-ups pan out I will be sure to tell you guys, which right now I think I am just going to take a break from all of that and just tell people that I am too busy right now. How have you and J been doing??? I have gotten so behind on here! I hope that you are doing well!!! Thank you so much for your advice, wisdom, and friendship--it really does mean a lot to me!!!
I don't know if this will help or not, but I read that sometimes men feel somewhat intimated by extremely attractive women. I don't know what you look like, of course, glamorgal, but from your posts and what I've read so far, I picture you as tall and striking looking.

As far as the guy not calling back, I don't know how long it's been since your first date, but I also read that sometimes men will wait a while to call a girl they really like because they don't want to "appear desperate". So, you might keep this in mind.

I do agree that while it's always best to let a man pursue you, sometimes it doesn't hurt to give a guy a quick call just to say "hello" without asking for anything and without appearing desperate. Do you have this guy's number?

If it's been a week, and he still hasn't called you, I don't see any harm in leaving a message on his phone telling him you enjoyed meeting him. You can show interest in a man without him feeling pressured if it's done correctly.

Then, if he still doesn't call, you can put your mind at ease.
Glamourgirl, I agree with Greeneyes--perhaps this guy thinks he's out of your league?? Could be a possibility. Wouldn't that be funny if you both thought the other person was "too good"? ;) I think ONE phonecall or email wouldn't hurt, but that's just my opinion.
Hi girls! I do have this guys phone number, but if I were to call I have no idea what I would say. I am a little scared to call to tell you the truth, which I know--what would it hurt--I certainly have nothing to lose even if he doesn't answer/return the call. Anyway, any ideas on what to say?? I wish I could think of something funny or witty, just to make it a fun little message or conversation if nothing else. I think I might call to at least put my mind at ease (like GE said), but I doubt I will get good results (which one of my friends told me--you won't with that attitude-hehehe! :) )
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Hi girls! I do have this guys phone number, but if I were to call I have no idea what I would say. I am a little scared to call to tell you the truth, which I know--what would it hurt--I certainly have nothing to lose even if he doesn't answer/return the call. Anyway, any ideas on what to say?? I wish I could think of something funny or witty, just to make it a fun little message or conversation if nothing else. I think I might call to at least put my mind at ease (like GE said), but I doubt I will get good results (which one of my friends told me--you won't with that attitude-hehehe! :) )[/QUOTE]

Call when he's not at home, so you can leave a message on his machine. Just say you enjoyed meeting him, something short and sweet, but nothing that would cause him to feel pressured.

Also, I read a good way to ask a guy out without it looking desperate is to ask them to help you with something, like if there was something wrong with your car or just about anything else you needed help with.

Another good thing to do is have a small dinner party and invite him! It doesn't sound desperate since you were already having the party anyway.

Go for it...like you said, you've got nothing to lose. And you might gain something. :D
Thanks GG for your sweet reply to my post. Things with J have been going really great :), thanks and I really appreciate you wishing me well. Sorry to hear you haven't been having the best of luck lately with men, but it is definitely clear that you have still got it if you inspire such a reaction from strangers on the street! The best way to deal with jerks like that, by the way, is to try to be at least a little flattered that they thought you worthy of being an idiot over. As for the call--I really don't think you should do it. Now I could be wrong and of course that's just my opinion, but I think he would have called you if he was interested. When I was online dating, I met two guys who I liked okay but who didn't call after our first meetings. I sent them polite thank you emails soon after the first dates and never heard back :eek:. This was a bit of a blow to my ego, but fortunately as many of you know it's quite healthy, and since all the other guys I dated wanted to see me again, I tried not to take it personally that those ones weren't interested. Their loss, right? But it was one of the few times in my life I've really been single and free to date around, and I learned quite a bit...one thing is that every word of that He's Just Not That Into You book is true. If a man is into you, he will find a way to contact you...of course there are occasional exceptions like if he gets run over by a bus or something, but they are too few and far between to ever make excuses for a guy who makes no effort to contact you. I agree with the other posters that it won't do any harm for you to call him, but I'm 99.99% sure it would just be a complete waste of time that could be spent on a man smart enough to realize what a great catch you are, GG. :wave:
I don't think you need to come up with anything super-witty or clever. I think GE has a good idea about leaving a message on his voicemail saying you had a great time playing golf with him, just wanted to say hi and see how things are going with him, and to give you a call if he wants to talk. Nothing too fancy or amusing becasue you don't want to sound like you're trying too hard. Oh, and don't forget to leave a callback number ;) Just try to pretend in your mind that you're calling a platonic friend so that you'll sound more natural. Good luck! Oh, and if you have his email address, I would probably send him an email rather than calling (email is more casual, I think), but I'm not sure if you do have it.

However, please don't get your hopes up too high for this guy, because, after I read Stacy's post, it does make sense that he could have asked the mutual friend who set you guys up for your contact info again if, say, he lost it somehow. So, chances are, he's either dating someone else or not terribly interested. Oh gosh, I know how confusing that must be. I think I might try it just for my own peace of mind if I liked the guy as much as you described.
[quote=glamourgal]Hi girls! I do have this guys phone number, but if I were to call I have no idea what I would say.[/quote]Is a guy welcome to contribute? I met my wife on a blind date. Actually about half of my dates in college, up to that point, were blind dates because… well… I was very shy and my friend’s girlfriends couldn’t stand seeing a happy guy who was unattached. ;)

I always started a call to a blind date with a joke about the friends that setup the date… for I knew we had at least that much in common. Things like “I’m not sure if I have good friends or not but I guess we’ll both learn a lot soon about what our friends think about us”, “I feel like a guinea pig”, etc. By seeing how the girl responded (remember the guy is in the same predicament as you ;) ) and if she had a sense of humor, I quickly learned to tell if the date was a good idea.

Some calls didn’t produce good results and I’d say something like, “It sounds like your friends tried to pull a fast one on you!” In some cases, that led us to dialog where we agreed to cancel the blind date rather than most likely sharing an uncomfortable date. If you keep your wits about you and make the right suggestions, you really can make or break the date with the phone call. Good luck!
HL, I'm a bit confused...are you saying she should call him, or are you talking about a different situation? It sounds almost like your advice is framed as if GG hadn't yet met this guy...can you clarify a bit for those of us whose brains aren't operating at 100% capacity today? :wave:
I don't have his e-mail address, so by phone is the only way to contact him. Also, because of his work schedule I have no idea when he will or won't be home and I think the number I have for him is his cell #. I am starting to think that maybe I should just not call. I agree with Stacy that he is just not that into me, otherwise I would have heard from him by now. I just wish I could somehow get a second chance with him because I had such a bad day before I arrived at the golf course for our "date" and I really didn't even want to go on it. I was not really my usual self that day.

When he called me and left a message----he left a really cute one and said something like he heard that I was a good golfer and he was wondering if he could get some golf lessons or something like that. He was always really confident, even when I didn't return his call for over a week--he just kept right on calling.

I guess if I get in the mood I will give him call and if not---well, maybe tomorrow I will meet someone new :rolleyes: .
[QUOTE=Snails]HL, I'm a bit confused...are you saying she should call him, or are you talking about a different situation? It sounds almost like your advice is framed as if GG hadn't yet met this guy...can you clarify a bit for those of us whose brains aren't operating at 100% capacity today? :wave:[/QUOTE]

I was wondering the same thing. I think Heartland is under the impression that Glamourgirl hasn't met this guy yet. Well, she did, a few weeks ago as I recall, and he never called after the first date. So, what would you say to her now, HL? Would you advise that GG gives this guy a casual call or would it be better to leave it alone, in your opinion as a guy?
Glamourgal ~ Goody's lost, I remember the guy you went out golfing with!! You really liked him but thought that he wasn't to impressed with your golfing abiities and it was areally hot day out as I recall. How did you get his phone #??? I think you met him online, right???

How is it that you are being set up again??? Just a little confused :confused: ~ Goody :wave:
Hey Goody!

Yes your memory is accurate---it was a VERY hot day and I didn't play golf as well as I normally do (which I still played a little better than him :) )! We met through a lady who works with him, saw me at a wedding and wanted us to meet. She gave him my number and he called and left me his number--so that is how I have it. Also, I just recently saw this lady and she asked about how the date went and I told her that I hadn't heard from him since the date. She then e-mailed me his number (although I already had it from him) and told me that she thought I should give him a call.

So we are not being set-up again, I was just wondering if I should call him even though I am sure that he probably was not that into me.
Thanks for clearing my head, GG. Well, I would say that you have nothing to lose here. I would come up with something that would intrigue him if you are up to it (stay away from referring to him as a "spineless wimp" :D )

I would say something like...."I was a little under par the last time we golfed. Thought you might want another opportunity to throw me off. ;) " I am sure others will give me hell for that one but it's all I could come up with being that the only golf Goody plays is minature which BTW I am quite good at. ;)

Seriously....I would call him because there's alot of misinterpretation as to how a first date goes and somebody has to take the risk. Go for it!!

~ Goody :wave:
:D Goody, you are too cute!! I can see you giving Tom a run for his money on the miniature golf course--hehe!! :)

I agree that if I do call I wanted to say something kind of cute and fun, that he would think was intriguing. We both played horrible golf that day---in fact he asked me if I wanted to stop keeping scores (he had been writing them down for us), which I said was certainly fine with me :) .
I want my speed-reading money back from Evelyn Woods! Please forgive me for missing the connection between the phone number and the “hunk” you dated; I really thought this was a new guy. Assuming I got it right this time (I know… that’s a BIG “if” :rolleyes: ), I have to agree with the thought that if he was really into you, he would have called back in no more than a week. Even if a guy was too busy for another date in the near future, he should call back the girl back, if he is really interested, within a week to explain his situation.

BTW… I said a week because that is the longest period I’ve seen given on sites that give dating advice to men.

BTW2… I think Goody’s advice is excellent if you have the slightest inkling that he was interested in another date or you simply don’t mind calling him. The single advantage I see in calling him is in the case where he might have thought you didn’t want to see him again and the call corrects his bad assumption.
Thank you so very much Heartland for taking the time to respond to my thread! Your advice and insight is always very much welcome on my threads/posts :) !

I'm really confused about whether I should call or not. I think I probably will--if I can get up the courage (silly isn't it that I have to have courage for such a trivial thing as calling a guy whom I barely even know). I just have never been the one to pursue someone and I certainly don't like the feeling---so my hats off to all the guys out there who are expected to be the pursuers!!!

The only reason that I thought about calling (besides the set-up lady wanting me to) is because I don't want to always wonder if this guy thought that I didn't like him and therefore never called me. Which that sounds kind of pathetic, but I missed out on someone in the past because he thought that I didn't like him and now he is married to someone else.

Anyway, I am going crazy just sitting here pondering our "golf date", so it might be better for me to just call to at least put my mind at ease. I don't know why I always make everything so complicated--it's just a phone call ;) !
[QUOTE=glamourgal]I just have never been the one to pursue someone and I certainly don't like the feeling---so my hats off to all the guys out there who are expected to be the pursuers!!!
[/QUOTE]
now you know what we feel like?? i'd like to know what its like to be pursued but guess what??? AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: hell would freeze before that happens...lol!!

anyway, based on your posts it appears that you're obviously a "hot girl". its pretty easy for a guy to assume that a hot girl wouldn't be interested in him and its really really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that YOU think he's not good enough for you and that you can do better.

i myself have stopped calling a "hot girl" once because i thought she didn't like me. somehow, i don't regret my decision.
Glamour, I understand your dillema--I would most likely be freaking out just as much! LOL. I hate to be in the role of a pursuer, but like Degen said, there is a possibility that this guy thinks you were not that interested. Hmm, it IS just a phonecall, after all. Another thing is, I wonder why the set-up lady didn't say anything of that nature to the guy. I mean, it makes more logical sense that she should encourage him to give you a call (since we all know men are generally expected to be the more aggressive party). Why don't you tell her you're worried he doesn't like you and find out if he said anything to her about the date. I would also let her know that I am certainly interested in another date with him. I don't think any respectable set-up lady would be able to keep this info to herself ;)
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Glamour, I understand your dillema--I would most likely be freaking out just as much! LOL. I hate to be in the role of a pursuer, but like Degen said, there is a possibility that this guy thinks you were not that interested. Hmm, it IS just a phonecall, after all. Another thing is, I wonder why the set-up lady didn't say anything of that nature to the guy. I mean, it makes more logical sense that she should encourage him to give you a call (since we all know men are generally expected to be the more aggressive party). Why don't you tell her you're worried he doesn't like you and find out if he said anything to her about the date. I would also let her know that I am certainly interested in another date with him. I don't think any respectable set-up lady would be able to keep this info to herself ;)[/QUOTE]

Glamour, take a little risk! I would call while he's at work and leave a message on his machine, that way it doesn't put him on the spot. One phone call saying you enjoyed the date is not going to make you appear desperate. He may really think you are too "hot" and he may fear being rejected himself.

If you really want to put your mind at ease, why not try it? It's great to have pride and self-respect, but where do we draw the line, as Heartland mentioned? Too much pride is a deterrent to finding love. I double dare you to call and leave a message! :D
I'm with GE & Sophia on this. As I have shared many times before here, each and every good thing I have in my life involved taking some sort of risk. Some more than others, but still, there was risk involved in getting them.

Go for it, GG.....what do you have to lose. You only have something to gain. If you don't get another date you are still in the same boat...only, you can never say to yourself that you didn't take the risk or have any regrets for not having done so.

Just be prepared if you are to get a live voice rather than a voice mail. Then go do it and of course let us all know how it goes. :bouncing:

(((HUGS))) & good luck ~ Goody :wave:
GG, one more thing... I can't remember if you said that you two shared physical chemistry on the date. :confused: I don't care how good looking the guy was, it's extremely difficult for any man or woman to face rejection or even the possibility of rejection if they feel a strong chemistry with the person. If you think he felt strong chemistry for you, that could well mean that he interpreted your “bad day” on the date as a stunning woman who just wasn’t into him. Also remember that “confidence” can be a form of bluffing. Just because he’s good looking doesn’t mean he’s truly confident around women… after all, he’s still unattached.
Ok, everyone is making a good point that it can't hurt to give him a call, and they are right. But just be prepared for him to ignore it, because I really can't see any reason for him not to have called if he wanted to see you again. And if he's too insecure or timid to pick up the phone and call a woman he feels chemistry with, why would you even want to bother with him? I don't think I've ever met a man too insecure to at least call a woman he likes...and if I did meet one, I wouldn't want to date him. I don't mean to be a downer, but I do think it's important to stay grounded in reality and not get your hopes up too much in this kind of situation. You'd probably be a lot better served using the time and energy you're devoting to this guy to put yourself out there and meet a man who's assertive and self-assured enough to go after the woman he wants...

I personally much prefer Sophia's suggestion to calling him yourself. If this woman is so enthusiastic about the set up, why not ask her to see what his deal is?
Hi GlamourGal, while reading your post, I was reminded of a set-up experience of my own and thought I'd share if you're interested.
It's not exactly the same, only because we had more than one date, but otherwise, well here it is...

I was set up with a guy a few years back. We had gone on maybe 6 dates, over about a 3 month time frame. One day, I just never heard from him again. I did nothing, but I never stopped thinking about him. I think it was 6 months later before I finally worked up the nerve to call.
I actually asked the girl who set us up to call him and ask him what's up, but figured she never would (she was a friend of a friend, I didn't know her well), so I got bold enough to call myself. My heart was pounding the rest of the night, and I never heard back, so went to bed, and woke up the next day quite disappointed.
Until I got home later that day and had a message from him! I was so excited. He told me to call him back, but he even called back before I got to it!


Oh, by the way, this is no happy ending story, but a big accomplishment story.

Anyway, we hung out once after talking a couple times. I called him about a week later. It was a few days before he returned my call, so when he did I didn't answer. He called two or three times that day, but I was "following the rules", so I didn't answer any. He never called again, neither did I.

BUT, it was always worth it to me. Even to get that last date. I really liked the guy, so I'm not sorry I made that call, whether it worked out or not. The important thing is I took that chance and tried, and I'm definitely not sorry, no matter what he thinks of me for it. (He just might think I was weird calling out the blue like that) And since we weren't dating that long, I wasn't at the point where I was too attached to not be able to handle if things turned out wrong (which they did). I'm still grateful for the experience and so proud of myself for taking a chance, because it is extremely unlike me to do. And he was REALLY worth that last date!!! (I know I already said it)
Anyways, for all I know, he knew he was showing on the caller ID, and didn't want to make himself look bad for calling so many times. Or knew he was on the caller ID, and never called again, since I knew he called and didn't respond. Who knows. Point is, life is too short for speculation - I say give the guy a call.

Not only will it ease your mind, but I, personally, think those stereotypes of "the man must make all the moves" are sooooo outdated. I'm shocked people still subscribe to that school of thought, and as I understand, men aren't too happy about that either.
[QUOTE=Snails]I don't think I've ever met a man too insecure to at least call a woman he likes...and if I did meet one, I wouldn't want to date him. [/quote]As the Queen of Screen, I'm sure you leave a man with no doubt about whether you would accept another date or not. GG said she wasn't sure she communicated that clearly. Stacy, if you're have a bad day, what do you do to make sure the guy knows how you feel about him?

[quote]I personally much prefer Sophia's suggestion to calling him yourself. If this woman is so enthusiastic about the set up, why not ask her to see what his deal is?[/QUOTE]A go-between can relay his thoughts incorrectly. Maybe he won't say what he's really thinking to the go-between. Why add more confusion?


GG, if you decide to call, make it short but with a message... maybe something like "I was frustrated by the way I played golf when we went out. I don't want to leave you with a bad impression of how I play. What do you think?"

If you feel the need to be flirty, add "I think my problem was I couldn't keep my eye on the ball..."
[QUOTE=LostMyHeart]I was set up with a guy a few years back. We had gone on maybe 6 dates, over about a 3 month time frame. One day, I just never heard from him again. I did nothing, but I never stopped thinking about him. I think it was 6 months later before I finally worked up the nerve to call.

Anyway, we hung out once after talking a couple times. I called him about a week later. It was a few days before he returned my call, so when he did I didn't answer. He called two or three times that day, but I was "following the rules", so I didn't answer any. He never called again, neither did I.[/QUOTE]

Wow...LostMyHeart, that is quite a story. Goody can't help but wonder why when we "follow the rules", (which by the way do not always apply to love and relationships because what works for one person just doesn't for the next :nono:) , sometimes we lend up losing out on something that could have been really special. I think that perhaps you might want to step out of the "rule" box and challenge yourself by taking a risk and making another phone call yourself ;) Hmmmmmm......now we can't be a hypocrite :p

Anyway....we could make it a dual effort and have GG and LMH take the risk together. How about it girls???? Seriously, LMH, do you think that this guy could still be available and somebody you think is worth pursuing???

And GG, what happened to you??? We're all wondering if you made that phone call or not. :confused:

Heartland, I agree that if GG was not herself on the first date or if there is a chance that both parties were a little deterred by the physical beauty of one another to somewhat "shake" their confidence, which happens to the best of us, a phone call could certainly make a difference. In a way it did for Goody when Tom persisted with one more letter when his went unanswered by me. And look what happened :bouncing:

So....GG & LMH, let's take the risk...as I have time & time again all good things come to us when we take the risk. Ask anyone who has something they truly treasure and they will tell you so :angel:

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :wave:
Sorry guys to keep you in suspense! Well, I haven't called him yet. Yesterday turned out to be such a crazy day :eek: ! I had so much to do and then I had to drive out of town----on the way there I had car problems of all things!! It all worked out ok, but yesterday just turned out to be such a long/crazy day, so I didn't call. Today has been just as busy, but things are finally starting to calm down, so maybe I will give him a call here in a bit.

Also, I am not sure if you all remember me talking about a boring guy that I went on a couple of dates with not too long ago (I posted on here about him--he had a really low self-esteem)?? Well, I ran into a mutual friend of ours and they said "guess who just had the same type of car problem?" and it was him--the boring guy!! I know this sounds silly, but for some reason after they told me about him I just started feeling depressed----thinking that since he seems to keep coming back up in my life that maybe the universe wants us together or something.

Anyway, reading everyone's posts is starting to put me in a better mood!! You guys are so kind, sweet, and FUNNY!!!! Heartland, I couldn't help but laugh when I read your post and the line---"I think my problem was I couldn't keep my eye on the ball!!" :D hehe! I don't know what "golf-guy's" reaction to that one would be :eek: --hehe!

LMH, I am so glad that you shared your set-up experience with me--that was so sweet of you! I am curious like Goody, do you know what he is doing now?

(Also, to GE, I rarely turn down a dare, especially a DOUBLE-dare ;) so I guess now I REALLY have to give this guy a call!!!)
[QUOTE=heartlandguy]As the Queen of Screen, I'm sure you leave a man with no doubt about whether you would accept another date or not. GG said she wasn't sure she communicated that clearly. Stacy, if you're have a bad day, what do you do to make sure the guy knows how you feel about him?

A go-between can relay his thoughts incorrectly. Maybe he won't say what he's really thinking to the go-between. Why add more confusion?


GG, if you decide to call, make it short but with a message... maybe something like "I was frustrated by the way I played golf when we went out. I don't want to leave you with a bad impression of how I play. What do you think?"

If you feel the need to be flirty, add "I think my problem was I couldn't keep my eye on the ball..."[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is true, and you all do make good points, particularly about the go-between, though I'm still not convinced this guy is remotely interested since he made no effort to contact GG on his own. I agree that there is nothing to lose by giving this guy a call, so why not? I think I was just playing devil's advocate a bit, but also I do think it's important to stay realistic and not get too excited about this guy...in my view the odds are still quite slim that he's interested in another date. However, Goody is right that there are always exceptions to every rule, and that it's worth taking risks when it comes to love...even if things don't work out, it's still valuable experience for us to face our fears and have the courage to pursue what we want.

Heartland, I think you are right that it's extremely easy for a man (or anyone, really) to tell if I like him or not...for some reason I just can't hide my feelings, and it's always written all over my face how I feel about someone. I don't like a lot of people and I have never had that instinct that most people have to care what other people think of them....I guess I just don't respect most people's intelligence and opinions enough so that what they think of me matters to me even a tiny little bit. When I was doing the online dating thing, there were some guys I met who just weren't at all my type in terms of not being educated, classy, professional, and sophisticated...they either didn't know how to tip, were religious, rode motocycles, had long hair, and/or just generally turned me off big time, and they all seemed to get the hint that I wasn't interested. But fortunately, all but one guy that I did like got the picture that I would be open to a second date and pursued me accordingly.

I know that most people aren't as obvious about conveying their impressions of others...and I certainly don't think my way is always the best way. I guess I can't really give very good advice about how to make sure people get the right impression about whether or not you're interested because I don't know how I convey this...believe me, I wish I did, because it would be a lot better sometimes if I could fake liking people, but I just can't seem to conceal my true feelings no matter how hard I try, which is both a blessing and curse. It's nice that guys I like get the picture, but I also know that most people I don't like think I'm snobby and/or bitchy...maybe they're right, but I have a right to be picky and not waste time with the vast majority of men out there who I can't respect as my intellectual equals. It would be one thing if I had trouble finding men who fit my standards to date, but so far that hasn't been a problem, so I don't see any reason to be more accepting of men who aren't particularly bright, cultured, or educated.

Ok I'm off topic here, so Heartland, the answer to your question is I'm not sure how you can change a man's mind if he leaves a date thinking you don't like him. I'm pretty sure that once a man leaves a first date with the impression that the woman isn't interested, it's going to be nearly impossible to get things back on track. One of the guys that didn't call after our first date actually appealed to me, so I tried to rationalize in my mind all these reasons why he might have avoided calling and contacted him myself. But I just don't think deep down that any guy who wanted to see a woman again would not call her...it's hard to accept this, as women, because we don't like to put this much power in the guy's hands and also, of course, no one wants to be rejected by someone they find appealing. Still, it does seem to be true that if a guy likes you, he'll ask you out again...we can make all the excuses we want for them, but in my opinion and experience, that's the bottom line. It doesn't mean that their lack of interest is personal or even has anything to do with us, but I think we women are deluding themselves if we think a man who likes us would never make contact again after the first date. Does anyone know any exceptions to this trend? That's really all I was trying to get across here by saying it's probably not worth GG's time to call her blind date guy. I think you're all great to be so supportive, but sometimes I think we can be too positive and encouraging here which results in getting someone's hopes up about a situation which really doesn't warrant such optimism.
Hey Stacy,

I totally agree with you that if a guy is interested in a girl, then 9 times out of 10 he will call her, and that could very well be the case with this guy---"he just wasn't that into me" and that is why I have not heard from him.

Anyway, even knowing that, I still want to give this guy a call. While I do know that I probably won't hear back from him, I just can't let myself not call and then always wonder "what if".

So even if I call him and get bad results, well, at least my mind will finally be at ease and I will have done something that I have never done before--Plus, I will have something new to laugh about :) !
I think that Glamour girl has nothing to lose if she were to give this guy a call. Sometimes one phonecall is all it takes to get the "golf ball" rolling again.

Anyway...good luck with it all....Ivorygirl
Stacy, I agree with you that the odds aren't good about him responding. I see it much like the lottery where the odds are extremely low but so many people enter anyway. (I’m not one of them; I’ve never bought a lottery ticket since I can’t visualize winning.)

I see the primarily value of the call being to discover the reason for him not calling GG back… misperception of GG’s interest or a lack of interest on his part. If I was in GG’s position and didn’t know if I sent out clear signals on my bad days, I’d want to know that so I’d never let that happen again.

The playful phone call I suggested diverts the attention from personal attraction to golf in the attempt to avoid embarrassment to anyone in the process. Thinking of it as a “quick and easy” surveying technique rather than hinting for another date seems more palatable to me …and there’s always the possibility that she could be a big winner like Goody was with Tom.
[QUOTE=Snails].....but I think we women are deluding themselves if we think a man who likes us would never make contact again after the first date. Does anyone know any exceptions to this trend? That's really all I was trying to get across here by saying it's probably not worth GG's time to call her blind date guy. I think you're all great to be so supportive, but sometimes I think we can be too positive and encouraging here which results in getting someone's hopes up about a situation which really doesn't warrant such optimism.[/QUOTE]



Stacy ~ I think I would like to give this one a shot. Let's face it, not everyone is confident in the dating scene. I think it is almost stereotypical to assume that a guy will go and ask a girl out on a second date if interested. Perhaps his confidence was a little shaken and he had an off day or even misinterpreted things to think that the girl wouldn't even consider another date with him. I have to say that I am often glad I am a female because it takes great confidence for a man to approach a woman and come up with something new that won't be taken as just another line.

I remember my first visit to West Point as a freshman in college. It was the plebe's first night out and we walked in and they were practically drooling because they hadn't seen a girl in what must have seemed like forever!! :eek: I'll never forget walking in and looking up at all these men in their dress grays smiling with eyes popping out of their heads!!! I was asked numerous times to dance and was only happy to oblige and while having a drink with some of my friends in a huddle I was tapped on the shoulder by a Cadet who was about 5'4''. :eek: As I turned around and he asked for a dance with me (you must remember I am 5'9") I smiled and couldn't help but think of what courage and confidence it had taken for him to do that. I was immediately attracted to his courage and of course gave him a dance that must have knocked his socks off. :bouncing:

Anyway...I think us girls sometimes forget that men are sterotypically placed by us females to automatically be confident and not get the same dating jitters as we do. So if GG thought that he was too good looking and perhaps didn't leave him with a great impression who's to say that he wasn't entitled to feel the same way??? That's the reason why GG should give him a call.....sometimes somebody has to make the first move. And I don't think anyone is lining GG up for disappointment. It's a win/win situation. Right now she has no prospects....after the phone call all that can change!! ;)

I hope that this at least alleviates your fears in the sense that we don't want to set GG up for disappointment, in fact, I believe that it was her idea to make the phone call in the first place.

((HUGS)) ~ Goody
Stacy, I'm a lot like you in that my feelings about someone are usually written on my face, no matter how much I would want to hide them. LOL. But what I noticed is that it almost doesn't matter because the guys who really liked me called anyway. Some even started sending me flowers if I didn't return their calls. Men are perverse creatures, I think :D Actually, the most beautiful flowers I've gotten were always from the guys whom I turned down and gave them the "friendship" line. Go figure.

I honestly can't say that I do know of any exceptions to this (i.e. guys being genuinely interested in a woman but not calling her), however, I am very curious about GG's guy. There are always some exceptions to the rule. Perhaps his cat died the next day or something? You never know! Or, he could have gotten back together with an ex-gf, despite genuinely liking GG ;) Not that I would want GG to put herself in a position of a "guiney-pig," but I wonder what this guy would say to her and if he would ask her out again. I am just so curious.
I guess I should clarify - when I said a few yrs back, I meant 6 yrs ago. This was right before I met "the one I won't get over".

So, no, after 6 yrs, I have no contact info on him, and I would NOT contact him 6yrs later if I did. That's going a little to far for me.
The most I know is where he lived at that time (which coincidentally, I live much closer to now than I did then), but I'd hope he doesn't still live there, as he lived with his parents at the time.
However, if I was to run into this guy somewhere (and could still recognize him, which I prob couldn't), I'd be ALL over him. Definitely.

So, I'm sorry, I can't make the call with you. I'd make the call if it was within a year's time frame, but anything longer than that is out of the question for me.
But I'm glad Goody gets it. The real victory is in taking the chance. If you don't try, you don't even have the opportunity for another date, if you do at least you are giving yourself a chance. Why deny yourself of an opportunity?
:bouncing: Well Guys...............I DID IT!!!!!!!! I FINALLY called him!! I feel so proud of myself because I really was being such a chicken about the whole thing---I was starting to wonder if I ever was going to actually call :rolleyes: .

Anyway, I just got through calling a little while ago----it went straight into his voicemail so he had his phone turned off. I just told him that I was calling to see how he was doing, I left my number, said talk to you later and then hung up. I had thought about saying something more fun--like some of your suggestions---and I had also thought about asking him something about soccer lessons since he asked me for golf lessons (he played soccer for a college team), but I ended up just saying what came out naturally.

So we will see if he actually calls back ;) ---I really don't care either way!!! For me the hard part is already over--thank goodness!!! Anyway, I LOVED the last few sentences of your post LMH!!! That is EXACTLY why I wanted to call this guy. I decided not too long ago that I did not want to miss any more chances or opportunities---no matter how slim they might seem at the time!
HE CALLED!!!!! HE CALLED!!!!! :bouncing:

I just got through talking to him!!!!! I still feel so nervous, I really didn't think he would call so soon!! I think I sounded like such an idiot because I had just finished my post on here and the phone rang and it was him and I was just unprepaired---I know I sounded stupid! Oh well, I guess (hopefully) stupid (or nervous) worked because he is supposed to call back Saturday or Sunday so we can in his words "hopefully get our schedules worked out so we can do something".

When I answered he asked how I was doing and I said good...blah blah...and then I asked how he had been and he said, "Well, really good now".

Anyway, I will tell more later-----I'm off to call my best friend to tell her all about it!!!!!!!! Hehehehe----If she only knew I was telling all of you guys first----my cyber friends!!!!!!! :bouncing:

ps. Now I just hope that he REALLY calls this weekend like he said, I feel like I sounded too nervous and stupid!
[QUOTE=glamourgal]HE CALLED!!!!! HE CALLED!!!!! :bouncing:

When I answered he asked how I was doing and I said good...blah blah...and then I asked how he had been and he said, "Well, really good now".

Anyway, I will tell more later-----I'm off to call my best friend to tell her all about it!!!!!!!! Hehehehe----If she only knew I was telling all of you guys first----my cyber friends!!!!!!! :bouncing:

ps. Now I just hope that he REALLY calls this weekend like he said, I feel like I sounded too nervous and stupid![/QUOTE]

Wow....GG this is terrific news :bouncing: Okay, now everything you said so far indicates that he is definitely interested. Especially when he said "Well. really good now". That's defintely a good sign. Wow,....so much good news!! I can't tell you how excited I am and it really is a good sign that he called back so quickly :D I can't wait to hear what your best freind has to say...there's nothing like sharing good news like this with a best friend and I personally feel honored that you came here and told us first. :bouncing:

Lots of cyber (((HUGS))) ~ Goody :wave:
:bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
Really, that's all I can think to say right now. I'm sooo excited and happy for you that I'm speechless!!!!
[QUOTE=LostMyHeart]But I'm glad Goody gets it. The real victory is in taking the chance. If you don't try, you don't even have the opportunity for another date, if you do at least you are giving yourself a chance. Why deny yourself of an opportunity?[/QUOTE]

LMH ~ Yes the victory has definitely paid off, hasn't it :D :D This is what I just love about taking risks...now that the opportunity is here and the door is opened we have to just get GG to set up her date on one of her better days so she can show this guy that she is definitely worth the effort. ;)

Okay...GG, we need more details and an update. It's great to share in your victory and BTW, what did your best friend have to say???

Can't wait to hear more about it....Goody :wave:
Wow! See, what happens when we take a little risk now and then?

This could be the start of something fabulous. You go girl! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
GG, I'm glad you did it! and also that he called back so soon and wants to do something again :) I know it took a lot of courage on your part, and I truly hope something great comes out of it! Please update us, ok?
Thank you guys so much for all of your support and kindness!! I am so thankful to have such good friends here!!

One good thing I was thinking about my conversation with this guy is that we laughed a lot. That is one of the things I really liked about him before we even met in person---we could make each other laugh. Anyway, I'm excited, but not too excited until I see if he really calls this weekend and also to see if we do something again and how that works out.

My best friend was so excited about the whole thing. She had really wanted me to call this guy because she said that she knows how I can be sometimes--especially when I have not had a good day---and that I can come across like I don't like the person (I think that it is some kind of protection mechanism that I do because I am usually very guarded). Anyway, she also said that half the time I am really oblivious to even realizing it when guys like me. So I don't know if that is all true, but she was really excited about the whole thing.

He had something to go to today---I really don't remember what it was because I was so nervous----and then he asked me what my plans were for the weekend and I am going to be out of town, so it just didn't work out for us to do something this weekend. He then wanted to know what my schedule looked like for early next week and so that is when he said he would call either Saturday or Sunday so we could work our schedules out to "hopefully do something". So we will see. I just felt really vulnerable on the phone because I wasn't prepared for him to call me back so soon. I am sure that he could tell that I sounded really nervous and that kind of makes me mad at myself, but oh well.

Anyway, I guess that is about it---he told me what all he had been doing and I told him what I had been up to. So we will see what happens. I just hope that if it does work out for us to do something that I can wear a really cute outfit----on our golf date I wore shorts and a sleevless shirt, plus my make-up sweated off and when I got into my car I looked pretty crazy :eek: ! So I would like to just go get something to eat with him or something like that and then if that works out we can play golf again way later!!
[QUOTE=goody2shuz]Yes the victory has definitely paid off, hasn't it :D :D This is what I just love about taking risks...now that the opportunity is here and the door is opened we have to just get GG to set up her date on one of her better days so she can show this guy that she is definitely worth the effort.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I remember how excited I was when I got a call back. I could just feel that feeling all over again when I read GG's post. It's the greatest feeling, and I'm glad you shared it with us GG. I couldn't help but to feel that same excitement for you!

Don't worry about being nervous, I remember when he called back, I picked up the phone and pushed the talk button to answer. I was so nervous - I dropped the phone on the ground! :eek:
He didn't say anything, so I never knew if he heard all the noise of the shuffle of me dropping the phone and rushing to pick it up, but I couldn't help being embarrased anyway.

Anyway, hope you have a good trip. I can't wait until you have more news to share with us. We hope to get an update as soon as you get back!
I will be wishing the best for you in the meanwhile. (But do you even need me to at this point? ;) )
:) Thanks LMH for your sweet post!! And YES, I still need your luck at this point!!!! I am still really nervous about going out with this guy---and on our golf date I didn't even feel nervous, so I guess the nervousness comes from me having to call him. He called me earlier today to see how I was doing and to let me know that he is going out of town with a couple of friends--he will be back on Tuesday (which he had told me that he might be doing this when I talked to him on Thursday--it just depended on if his brother and sister-in-law were able to go). I was eating lunch with friends when he called, so I didn't get to talk to him, I just got the phone message he left me. He said that I could either call him back or that he would call me and then when he gets back we could do something. I am not calling him back so I will just wait for him to call me when he has the time. I just hope he doesn't meet someone on this trip :eek: ! Which if he does...........well, then I won't have to feel nervous anymore :rolleyes: .
Awww, that's just kind of happy news I needed to hear right now. I'm glad he called you - it's looking good to me, but I'll still send you my luck (but watch out, I don't have much good luck in me!)
Did he leave for the trip today? When you do get to arrange a date - just come let your nervousness out here, then you'll be already to go!
Yes, he left for the trip today.

I am feeling kind of down on myself tonight. After posting earlier, I talked to my aunt and she referred to me as an "old maid" and that my brother (who by the way is 10 years younger than I am) would probably be married before I will be. I am still in my twenties for goodness sakes!!

I usually don't let these types of comments get to me, but tonight I did. When I got off the phone with her I just started crying. I also started to think "who am I kidding" about this guy. I know that he has seemed to be interested and he also "seems" to be a good person, but if he IS so interested then why didn't he call me to begin with? So what if I didn't act interested in him---he still could have taken a chance if he really liked me with a quick little call. I really don't know if I should even agree to go on a date with him or not---there seems to be so many a-s-s-holes out there and I will probably be a single spinster forever.
GG, I am so sorry to hear you're feeling down...you have so much to feel good about, not least the courage and guts it took for you to pick up the phone and take a chance on blind date guy! I really think you should be optimistic, at least cautiously optimistic, because he's now called you twice of his own accord, which I doubt he would do if he didn't intend to follow through. I can understand why you're wondering why he didn't have the nerve to pick up the phone himself, but it's very possible that he was intimidated by you and too scared to risk rejection by a gorgeous women like yourself. Someone had to make the move, and I think it is going to end up paying off big time for you...I'm very proud of you and happy that you decided to take the risk and call him, and I'm sorry for being a bit of a downer in the advice I provided earlier on this thread. Please give yourself the credit you deserve...I will have my fingers crossed for you that you have a great time when you see blind date guy again! As for your aunt, she sounds like a petty, miserable, and bitter woman, and while I know it's hard not to let certain words that go along with what you've been worrying about get to you, I really don't think you should give any credence whatsoever to her rude and ignorant comments. You're the furthest thing from a spinster, and there are still great men out there who would kill for a chance with you!! Please don't lose hope because of one mean and thoughtless person's babbling...I think you have so much to be optimistic about and would hate to see her succeed in dragging you down to her level of unhappiness.
Thanks Stacy for your words of encouragement. I am trying to be optimistic but I guess I am not trying real hard because I still feel really down today. I am starting to think that I am just not good enough for this guy and that he is not going to want me if we ever do anything. I'm starting to think that maybe I should call up the boring guy because at least I know for sure that he likes me for me. Who knows what this other guy is thinking.
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Thanks Stacy for your words of encouragement. I am trying to be optimistic but I guess I am not trying real hard because I still feel really down today. I am starting to think that I am just not good enough for this guy and that he is not going to want me if we ever do anything. I'm starting to think that maybe I should call up the boring guy because at least I know for sure that he likes me for me. Who knows what this other guy is thinking.[/QUOTE]

Don't stay with a man just because he likes you! Has this guy you are really into called yet?

You ARE GOOD ENOUGH for any man, including this hunk that returned your call.

Think positive and positive things will happen. Hope you are feeling better. ;)
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]Don't stay with a man just because he likes you! Has this guy you are really into called yet?

You ARE GOOD ENOUGH for any man, including this hunk that returned your call.

Think positive and positive things will happen. Hope you are feeling better. ;)[/QUOTE]

I agree GG, you ARE definitely good enough for this guy! Just try to think about it as just another date and have as much fun as possible. There's nothing to lose, really.
Yes he called yesterday like he said he would. Hopefully I will be more confident by the time he gets back from his trip (tomorrow). I just don't understand why I am all of a sudden feeling so down :confused: . I guess I am just scared----I do know that all great things involve great risk, so I am just going to have to get over the mood I am in and take another risk.
GG, I know it's scary, but I think it's a very good sign he called when he said he would and that he's interested in seeing you again. Yes, we must take risks sometimes. It's either take a risk on someone you like or stay on the safe side and keep dating a guy you're not remotely interested in. I would go with the risk. It's a relatively minor risk, in my opinion. Even if nothing happens after the second date, at least you would know that you tried. Hopefully, though, you guys will have a great time and more dates will follow. Chin up, Glamourgirl! I also think you should have a proper date like dinner together, so you can sit down somewhere and simply talk to each other and get to know each other better. besides, you can wear a nice outfit and show him who's a glamorous, classy woman turning guy's heads when she walks by! :)
[QUOTE=SophiaM]GG, I know it's scary, but I think it's a very good sign he called when he said he would and that he's interested in seeing you again. Yes, we must take risks sometimes. It's either take a risk on someone you like or stay on the safe side and keep dating a guy you're not remotely interested in. I would go with the risk. It's a relatively minor risk, in my opinion. Even if nothing happens after the second date, at least you would know that you tried. Hopefully, though, you guys will have a great time and more dates will follow. Chin up, Glamourgirl! I also think you should have a proper date like dinner together, so you can sit down somewhere and simply talk to each other and get to know each other better. besides, you can wear a nice outfit and show him who's a glamorous, classy woman turning guy's heads when she walks by! :)[/QUOTE]

Thank you Sophia! I know that I sometimes tend to make a big deal out of minor things :rolleyes: . It's certainly not the best trait that I have. I guess I am just tired of being the only single person out of my friends and family and I finally really do seem to like someone, so I am just worried about the outcome. I am sure that I will take the "risk" of going out with him if he asks, I just hope that I can get out of this depressed mood before then. I was in a not so good mood on our last date and I don't want to mess this one up too (if we do even go out). I also would like to go out to dinner and I really want to be able to dress up for him too. Anyway, I will let you guys know when he calls again. I think that another (small) thing that has kind of made me feel nervous is that the night before last I had a dream that I married this guy and I woke up full of nerves!! I have never dreamnt that before :eek: .
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Thank you Sophia! I know that I sometimes tend to make a big deal out of minor things :rolleyes: . It's certainly not the best trait that I have. I guess I am just tired of being the only single person out of my friends and family and I finally really do seem to like someone, so I am just worried about the outcome. I am sure that I will take the "risk" of going out with him if he asks, I just hope that I can get out of this depressed mood before then. I was in a not so good mood on our last date and I don't want to mess this one up too (if we do even go out). I also would like to go out to dinner and I really want to be able to dress up for him too. Anyway, I will let you guys know when he calls again. I think that another (small) thing that has kind of made me feel nervous is that the night before last I had a dream that I married this guy and I woke up full of nerves!! I have never dreamnt that before :eek: .[/QUOTE]

GG, if you really feel that intimated, you can always pretend he is gay. :D I know it's hard not to be intimated by really attractive men because I am too. But, it's really wierd, sometimes I see really plain looking women with these absolutely gorgeous men. I wonder what they are doing! So, evidently, looks are just the first impression on a man. He has to be interested in you mentally and emotionally too if he is going to stick around.

Have a shot of vodka or something before you meet him so you won't be quite so nervous. Don't drink too much though! And, just be yourself. He's probably going to be nervous too, you know. Wear a classy looking dress, but nothing too revealing and men love it when women who have long hair wear it up. That's because they imagine what it would look like down! And don't just listen to him, talk about yourself and your interests too. Hope I'm not overwhelming you with all this advice. Just a few pointers from books I have read. ALL THE BOOKS I HAVE READ. :D

When are you planning on going out?
Wow, having a dream about marrying a this guy as you did would be enough to make anyone nervous. At least it would for me. I know I've had weird dreams about people, then feel uncomfortable around them, like "they know" or something. The plus is - that he's away, so you have time to "recuperate" before having to face him.

And please don't be down about what your aunt said. That's ludicrous!!! You tell her you're taking your time finding the right one, so at least when you find it, it will last. Would she rather you be a young divorcee?

GG, I still think it's good, at least he called you when he said.
And I think it's unfair a girl expects a guy to make all the moves, without her having to do anything. Do you really think it's easier on a guy to be the "bold one"? I think you should just feel so good and so proud of yourself for stepping up to the plate and being the brave one. Maybe that's just what he's thinking about you now.

When he does call again, I agree with the other who said, just look at this as one date. You're not on a marriage interview, so NO pressure! Just go out, enjoy yourself, have a fun night, and worry about how much you two like each other after a few more dates come along.

Please let us know you are feeling better.
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]GG, if you really feel that intimated, you can always pretend he is gay. :D I know it's hard not to be intimated by really attractive men because I am too. But, it's really wierd, sometimes I see really plain looking women with these absolutely gorgeous men. I wonder what they are doing! So, evidently, looks are just the first impression on a man. He has to be interested in you mentally and emotionally too if he is going to stick around.

Have a shot of vodka or something before you meet him so you won't be quite so nervous. Don't drink too much though! And, just be yourself. He's probably going to be nervous too, you know. Wear a classy looking dress, but nothing too revealing and men love it when women who have long hair wear it up. That's because they imagine what it would look like down! And don't just listen to him, talk about yourself and your interests too. Hope I'm not overwhelming you with all this advice. Just a few pointers from books I have read. ALL THE BOOKS I HAVE READ. :D

When are you planning on going out?[/QUOTE]

I love this advice...it absolutely cracked me up too. LMH and Sophia are right as well and I think their advice is also extremely wise. Remember that he's going to be nervous and intimidated by you, just as you are by him, and that you have a TON of wonderful qualities to offer any man. If you are still feeling nervous as the date approaches, I would make a short list of some of your best attributes and recite them to yourself whenever you start to feel nervous...everyone is correct that this is just one date, and the less pressured and the more confident in yourself you can feel, the better things will go. Think of it as an opportunity to have fun with a cute guy and just see what happens...I've had problems dating in the past when I took the dates too seriously and started thinking too far ahead of myself. The best dates are when you can stay in the moment, enjoy the experience, and try as hard as you can to be self-assured and relaxed. And remember that no matter what happens, this has been a valuable and positive experience for you in that you were able to face your fears and take a risk by calling him and also manage to conquer your nerves and lack of optimism and put your best foot forward. I know you will be a charming and confident date and hopefully he won't be so blown away that he's nervous the whole time...and if things don't go well, please don't take it personally. Remember that he is more than likely extremely intimidated by such a beautiful and charming woman like yourself, which is probably why he was too nervous to call in the first place. I've found that it helps me a great deal when I'm feeling nervous to focus on making the other person feel at ease, because chances are they're feeling the same way. When all else fails, it definitely helps me a lot to have a little wine or a few hits off a joint before a date (and of course I love my shots of vodka--GE, I wish we could get together and have some drinks, it would be a blast to hang out with you ladies in person! :D). So, hopefully some of this advice is helpful...I think the best thing you can do is remember all the great things you have to offer and try to be your most upbeat, outgoing, and confident version of yourself. Also please remember that every date is a worthwhile learning experience, especially this one, so you've already succeeded in facing your fears and taking a risk, even if he turns out to be a dud or a wimp too blind to appreciate how awesome you are :).
[quote=glamourgal] I am trying to be optimistic but I guess I am not trying real hard because I still feel really down today. I am starting to think that I am just not good enough for this guy and that he is not going to want me if we ever do anything.[/quote]GG, did you realize that guys think the same way when they like a woman so much that they become nervous? On your first date golfing, you said neither of you did well. In spite of how confident he acted that day, he played poorly… and I bet he couldn’t keep his eye on the ball. ;)

On your next date with him, try to notice signs that he is nervous… for instance, if he fumbles with things he touches. If you see signs of nervousness, realize that he’s into you and that your fears are unwarranted.
I hate being set up. I only let it happen once and it was a double date with the guy who set me up and his wife. It was so bad, I just got drunk... two for one night at Bennigans. The funny thing is, the drunker I got, the more she warmed up to me. Probably because I was ignoring her for a while ... I guess that hard-to-get thing came into play.
[QUOTE=lostsoul1]I hate being set up. I only let it happen once and it was a double date with the guy who set me up and his wife. It was so bad, I just got drunk... two for one night at Bennigans. The funny thing is, the drunker I got, the more she warmed up to me. Probably because I was ignoring her for a while ... I guess that hard-to-get thing came into play.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but what if you were set up with someone you actually liked and the attraction was mutual? You would say you love being set up then!

I've only been "set up" twice. The first guy was really awful in terms of both personality and looks. The second was nice enough but I wasn't attracted to him.

GG, I hope your date is fun and interesting--let us know how it goes :wave:
Date, what date? You know, I thought I could spot a jerk a mile away but guess what----apparently I CAN'T!!! Yes, I thought this guy was "just not that into me", but I didn't think he was a jerk. Well, HE IS! He called tonight--he had gotten back from his "trip". I was in the shower when he called and I returned the call when I got out. I am just proud of myself because I was very confident and I did not feel one bit nervous. Anyway, I asked him how his trip went and he then told me a detailed :rolleyes: accounting of all that he did, including something about *"Tiffany" wanting to go into an antique shop, so they did and then when he got back *"Tiffany" wanted to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory so he watched that and then went to work-out and was on his way home when I returned his phone call. I never gave him the satisfaction of asking who *"Tiffany" was. I continued to act nice and confident. He then told me that tomorrow (his last day off from work) his friend was finally coming in from out of town and he was going to help him look for a place to live. He then said something like "or maybe I should play some golf since it's my day off", and I said "good luck with that"--- "I'm not playing golf again until I spend a good deal of time at the driving range" and he kind of laughed. Then he said, well I will let you get to bed (I had told him that that was what I was about to do) and I will talk to you later.

I hope I NEVER hear from him EVER again!!!! I have NEVER felt the way I have these last few days---nervous with such a very low self-esteem, thinking I am not good enough for someone and I am NEVER going to let myself feel that way again!! I am just thankful that I finally "woke-up" and snapped out of the rut I had put myself in. I AM glad that I called this guy because now I can rest my mind at ease knowing that I did not miss out on some wonderful someone. So, I am glad that I called and now I can move on for good, to someone who is not so immature as to tell me all the details about what he and *"Tiffany" did.

*Name has been changed
GG, I feel really bad, since I am one of the posters who suggested you call. So, maybe it wasn't such a good idea. But, at least you know now where you stand and don't have to worry about it anymore. For Heaven's Sakes, don't take it personally. I guess he was already involved with someone and your co-worker didn't know it. Try not to let it get you down.

It does say in the Rules book that you should never call men, and should wait for them to call you. But you can't apply the same set of Rules to every man and every situation. I've actually tried doing the rules on a couple of men and they didn't work. The men got frustrated and gave up! So, there's got to be a happy medium there.

I see and hear of too many instances where a woman did call a man and they went on to have a very successful relationship. He is involved with someone else, so it really doesn't have anything to do with you. Please don't feel bad.

I'm so sorry! :wave:
GG, I'm sorry he wasn't more upfront and clear with you, but I agree with Greeneyes that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. I think you should have asked who "Tiffany" was. It's very odd that he would use her first name, as if you're supposed to know who he's talking about, instead of specifying "my friend," "my girlfriend," "my sister," etc. I would have said "Who's that, your friend?" Asking such a question wouldn't have put you in any kind of "lower" position; you would be simply asking for clarifying info, as any other person would.

Having said that, he sounds kinda immature, I have to say. A high-school kid is more likely to talk this way. And then the evasive line about playing golf again. Still, GG, please don't take this personally or see it as any kind of reflection on you. Quite the opposite. I don't think this guy is necessarily a "jerk," but he's definitely weird. If he's dating someone else, why not just say it and why act interested in another date with you? Perhaps he's a coward and wants to keep his options open in case he'd like to go out with you some time in the future.
GE--don't feel bad about encouraging me to call. I am glad that I called because now I won't be thinking "what if". My mind is at ease knowing that I didn't miss out. Anyway, I actually think that this "Tiffany" must be someone that he got close to on the trip, because before he left he kept acting really excited about me calling and about us doing something. Who knows though. If it was me, I just would have simply called someone back and let them know that I was dating someone, but maybe it wasn't serious until this trip. I can't believe that I had fooled myself into thinking that this guy was so wonderful. Well, I certainly don't have time to deal with an immature wimp! I just don't understand why people can't just be honest these days.
I still find it very strange. Why did he call after he came back from the trip if he was planning to date someone else? It would have been easier for him not to call then.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I still find it very strange. Why did he call after he came back from the trip if he was planning to date someone else? It would have been easier for him not to call then.[/QUOTE]

What kind of a trip was it? Business or pleasure? And, how do you know this woman is a friend or a girlfriend?

I do think if he was that interested, he would have made plans for a date though.
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]I do think if he was that interested, he would have made plans for a date though.[/QUOTE]

Good point, GE. I think this guy sounds more and more weird. First suggests a date after he returns from somewhere and sounds excited about it, then calls but doesn't offer Glamourgirl any concrete invite for a date. Something does not add up. Why are people so confusing nowadays? Then again, who needs such wishy-washy "spineless wimp" of a guy? :rolleyes:
It was a pleasure trip. And yes, if he really was interested he would have mentioned doing something (and set a date up) instead of talking about "Tiffany". Who knows what he was/is thinking. It was like he was still trying to impress me some--telling me about working out and all of that. That reminded me of a guy I used to date (he played professional football) who was always telling me about his working out :rolleyes: . I broke things off with him because he was a jerk and then he called me for 2 months straight trying to get me to go back out with him. It was really ridiculous. Anyway, this whole thing does seem strange to me too. It just hurts my feelings that he acted in the way he did instead of just being upfront and honest.
Also, I have no idea who "Tiffany" is, but for him to set and watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with her right when he got back from the trip (which she was a part of) well, to me that sounds like a girlfriend/love interest. I just don't know why he didn't say she was a girl he was dating. I didn't ask because that was probably what he was wanting me to do and it would have felt like a slap in the face for him to tell me that she was his girlfriend.
He would have to be retarded to mention to a potential date about another girl he's dating. That's why I am inclined to think that "Tiffany" is not his gf. But regardless, it's not a good sign that he didn't mention anything specific about setting up the next date with you. He sounds flaky and definitely not someone who is as interested in you as he should be, especially considering what a great and brave girl you are!
[QUOTE=SophiaM]He would have to be retarded to mention to a potential date about another girl he's dating. That's why I am inclined to think that "Tiffany" is not his gf. But regardless, it's not a good sign that he didn't mention anything specific about setting up the next date with you. He sounds flaky and definitely not someone who is as interested in you as he should be, especially considering what a great and brave girl you are![/QUOTE]

I agree that he is flaky and obviously not very interested in me. I just hope that I never have to speak with him again--or hear his voice for that matter. I can't stand his laugh either--it's VERY dorky sounding! Anyway, I know that is "immature" of me to say that, but I am just upset with how this guy turned out. Thanks for thinking that I am a great and brave girl. I think that God is just going to have to drop someone on my doorstep because I am tired of putting myself out there only to be treated like this. Something must have changed between last Thursday when I 1st talked to him and yesterday. Maybe he got mad because I didn't return the call that he left me on Sunday, but he said that if I didn't call him back that he would call me back. So I decided not to call him because I didn't want to bother him while he was on his trip. He also told me last night that he left his cell phone in his truck, so he didn't have it the whole trip. I was wondering--why in the hell are you telling me this--it's not like I called you or anything while you were away. He is just a really confusing person and I don't have the time for anyone like that.
How old is this guy? It sounds like he's playing with your head to me. Trying to get a reaction out of you or something like that.

He might call again, but don't let him push your buttons. I think you handled the phone call really well. Sounds to me like he was TRYING to get a rise out of you for some mysterious reason.

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, that's for sure! :eek:
[QUOTE=glamourgal]I think that God is just going to have to drop someone on my doorstep because I am tired of putting myself out there only to be treated like this. [/QUOTE]

That's funny because I was thinking the same EXACT thing just this morning!

As for the guy, I don't think it's worth for you to even try to make sense of his behavior. He definitely did NOT get offended because you didn't call him while he was away--I can guarantee you that much. Most likely, he is seeing someone else but doesn't want to completely burn his bridges with you. He might call again, I think. But yeah, I wouldn't put too much stock in him.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]As for the guy, I don't think it's worth for you to even try to make sense of his behavior.[/QUOTE]That is such excellent advice! So many men and women try to understand why a potential partner does something that makes no sense. Why try to understand something that is senseless? Instead, we should merely recognize it made no sense and understand that the more distance between them and us, the better.


GG, it's good to see you recognize the value of the phone call you made last week to him. If you didn't make it, you surely would still be wondering about him and still wasting your precious time thinking about him. So now you're one guy closer to the right one for you. Bravery does pay off; doesn't it? :)
Thanks guys for your support and friendship! GE, the guy is in his late twenties. You would think that by then he would be a little more mature than how he acted last night. What really confuses me is that he acted so normal, kind, and mature on our golf date. It is like he is now a completely different person, but like Sophia and Heartland said--there is no use in wasting my time trying to figure him out.
Damn, I told you I didn't have alot of luck to send out your way! :)

I think you are doing just fine glamourgal. Though I agree with Sophia about not knowing who this "tiffany" person is, it is up to YOU to determine if he is worth your time in finding out or not.

Regardless of the outcome, I am so proud you stepped outside of yourself and took a chance. You're still in a better place than you would be if you had left it to sit and wonder "what if".
And you are such a brave girl for it! That will always be admirable.

Just hang in there with me. Our guys HAVE to be out there...somewhere...


Wishing you the best!
Lostmyheart is right. You should be proud of yourself for taking a risk like that.

A confident, intelligent man would really admire a woman who is so gutsy!

There's someone out there for all of us, so don't despair. I get really depressed about my age and I don't have as many options as you girls, but I still try to stay positive. I'm certainly not going to grow old gracefully! As soon as my profit sharing money has enough in my account, I'm going straight to a good plastic surgeon for a facelift. :D

I'm in great shape physically and I think I should have the face to match. I'm not saying my face looks old because it still looks younger than my age, but it could use a little lift.

I decided to see Kelly again (the one I didn't hear from for about 3 weeks after our first date). What triggered me to is the fact that he was willing to wait two weeks to see me again. Besides, it's not like we have been dating steadily or are engaged.

I'm supposed to meet the guy that works at NASA this Saturday and was going to go out with some girls after work on Friday. I don't know if I will be up to going on Friday because I'm still not feeling well from my cold.

Well, hang in there everybody and keep your chins up. Like Snails says, we are all a "great catch"! :wave:
GE, I'm sure you're a super-hot woman. I think it's good you're going out with that Kelly guy again--why not? Let us know about the NASA guy, too.

I'm feeling very depressed right now. My friend is going on vacation with a bf she met online around the same time I met NG. Evidently things are working out for other people, but never for me :( Besides, I'm so tired because for the past year, I've been both working and attending grad school. I guess it's catching up to me. I wouldn't mind going on vacation with my bf, either (sigh).

Glamourgirl, how are you doing? Hopefully better. I was wondering, since the set-up lady has such a good taste in guys, at least from a physical point of view, maybe she knows someone else she could introduce you to?
Goodness girls, what does it take to get a decent guy these days........a decent girl :confused: ---well, I thought that I was one. I am just so frustrated with dating right now. I don't even feel like going on any dates even if someone were to ask me. I certainly do want someone, I am just tired of all of the frogs out there and I am ready for a prince instead.

LMH--Hopefully our guys ARE out there somewhere---I just wish that they would show up soon!

Sophia, I am feeling depressed too! Too bad that we don't know each other in real life----we could throw ourselves a "real" pity party :) . As for the set-up lady, I really don't know her very well at all. The first time I met her was at the wedding that I was in when she came up and asked if I was dating anyone---then she would not relent until I ended up calling back the guy whom she worked with and wanted me to meet--and we all know how that turned out :rolleyes: . Anyway, she had gone to school with my mom and she knew my family and she told my mom that she saw me at the wedding shower and that is when she got the ball rolling for me to meet this guy. I know I should be thankful that she thought of me and all (which I thought it was weird at the time), but I am just not up for anymore "set-ups" anytime soon.

I've been trying really hard to take your advice and not think about the set-up guy, but our last conversation in which he kept talking about "Tiffany" keeps popping into my mind :rolleyes: . I think he must of met someone whom he liked more than me (her I guess) and then he brought her up during our phone conversation as an easy out for him to "get rid" of me by letting me know he was seeing her---I guess he was too chicken to just come out and say that he was dating someone else. Anyway, I really am glad it happened because I got to see a glimpse of his true personality and yes, he might be a really good-looking guy on the outside, but his personality has made him very "ugly" in my eyes.

GE, I'm sorry that you still have your cold, but at least you have some excitement going on in your life with two upcoming dates!!!!!! I'm really excited for you :bouncing: !! Hopefully they will turn out to be fun!

Anyway, I am working on being more optimistic (even though it doesn't really sound like it tonight). I do still have hope that one day.....................And, until then I guess we just have to make ourselves laugh about all of the frogs (which there sure seem to be a lot of them by the way ;) ).
[QUOTE=glamourgal]I've been trying really hard to take your advice and not think about the set-up guy, but our last conversation in which he kept talking about "Tiffany" keeps popping into my mind :rolleyes: . I think he must of met someone whom he liked more than me (her I guess) and then he brought her up during our phone conversation as an easy out for him to "get rid" of me by letting me know he was seeing her---I guess he was too chicken to just come out and say that he was dating someone else. [/QUOTE]

You know, that is possible too. Either way, he's obviously not the kind of guy you had hoped he was. It is extremely frustrating to deal with the dating world, I agree. I don't really feel like doing anything to "find" a bf anymore, either because I'm so tired of being disappointed. I sometimes still wonder if NG will ever call me again because I did get along with him so well (especially when I compare him with my ex-ex), but I guess I shouldn't be even thinking about it. Yeah, hang in there, girl. I wish we could go out and have some apple martinis together, and just forget about all this.
[QUOTE=glamourgal]I think he must of...[/quote]My friend, there are so many possible reasons but knowing the right one will not help you in the slightest. I am concerned that you only had one date with him yet he still occupies so much of your thoughts. I wish Stacy were here to tell you that whenever you think about him, you could be thinking about ways to find a great guy and actually speeding up the process of finding him. Either process can be painful but only one helps you find the right guy…

Please don’t think I don’t understand your situation. I’ve been there and I really feel for you. In college, until I met my wife-to-be, I had so, so many disappointing dates. Probably half of those dates were blind dates because I didn’t have many girls in my classes and the girlfriends of my fraternity brothers all seemed to picture me as a matchmaker’s lab rat. :rolleyes: Most dates were such mismatches that I began to feel that no woman could understand or appreciate me… it all seemed so hopeless. I wondered if there were any good women out there. Finally, on a magical day – against all odds, I found the right woman. In a way, finding the right person is like being hit by lightening; it’s surreal and it changes everything.

I can’t tell you to be patient because I wasn’t. But I’m one of those who knows that it can happen when you least expect it… if you move on. Remember that you can’t look forward to finding a great guy when you’re looking back at someone who wasn’t right for you.
[QUOTE=heartlandguy] Most dates were such mismatches that I began to feel that no woman could understand or appreciate me… it all seemed so hopeless. I wondered if there were any good women out there. Finally, on a magical day – against all odds, I found the right woman. In a way, finding the right person is like being hit by lightening; it’s surreal and it changes everything.
[/QUOTE]

Wow, Heartland--that's exactly how I feel right now--that it's "hopeless" and that there isn't a good man out there who could understand or appreciate me. I think Glamourgirl can relate. Thanks for sharing that, Heartland. It helps to know that other people had felt this way and yet, despite all odds, they were finally able to meet the right person for them. And I agree with you that it's being hit by lightening--it's really not something that we can "order" like a meal at a restaurant or like buying something online. Patience...ha, that is the hardest thing ever!
Thanks Heartland and Sophia :) .

I know that I need to move-on and just not think about guys who haven't worked out in the past. I always tend to dwell on why things didn't work-out----even when I have been the one to break it off. I don't know why I can't just move on and look to the future. Hopefully I will get better at doing this.

Anyway, thanks guys for your friendship. Heartland, hopefully Sophia and I both will get struck by lightening sometime really soon---hehe!! Until then I will try to not feel so hopeless and down on myself, it is just hard sometimes.

( :) mmmmm.........apple martinis----just what I need to drown in my sorrows-- :D )
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Thanks Heartland and Sophia :) .

I know that I need to move-on and just not think about guys who haven't worked out in the past. I always tend to dwell on why things didn't work-out----even when I have been the one to break it off. I don't know why I can't just move on and look to the future. Hopefully I will get better at doing this.

Anyway, thanks guys for your friendship. Heartland, hopefully Sophia and I both will get struck by lightening sometime really soon---hehe!! Until then I will try to not feel so hopeless and down on myself, it is just hard sometimes.

( :) mmmmm.........apple martinis----just what I need to drown in my sorrows-- :D )[/QUOTE]

Go to Happy Hour and have some apple martinis and maybe meet someone new! Both you girls have got to stop dwelling on these guys that didn't work out. You are both taking it far too personally. Besides, just consider it their loss, NOT YOURS!

Well, I have a lot of work to do.....so have a great weekend everybody. I'll let you know how my date goes with the NASA guy. He seems really intelligent from his emails and funny too. :wave:
[QUOTE=glamourgal]I know that I need to move-on and just not think about guys who haven't worked out in the past. I always tend to dwell on why things didn't work-out----even when I have been the one to break it off.[/QUOTE]Looking back on finding a partner, I realize that it is so much like trying to find a matching piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Lots of pieces look like possible matches but simply don’t fit. Being emotional or thinking about why a piece doesn’t fit only hinders the process. It’s as simple as the right two pieces fit perfectly while near matches can’t be made to fit without destructive manipulation. Being upset in real life at a near match that simply didn’t fit means that we don’t appreciate the overall puzzle and that the near match belongs elsewhere.

It’s hard to imagine being as unemotional as a good jigsaw puzzle solver yet I’m amazed at how close Stacy has come. She certainly has emotions yet she believes in her rules of selection so much that she follows them through the storm of dating like an airplane pilot depending on his instruments. It’s hard to question her results, too. I doubt most of us will ever reach the level Stacy has achieved yet doing so appears very attractive since she has avoided more pain than most of us.
[QUOTE=greeneyes100]Go to Happy Hour and have some apple martinis and maybe meet someone new! Both you girls have got to stop dwelling on these guys that didn't work out. You are both taking it far too personally. Besides, just consider it their loss, NOT YOURS!

Well, I have a lot of work to do.....so have a great weekend everybody. I'll let you know how my date goes with the NASA guy. He seems really intelligent from his emails and funny too. :wave:[/QUOTE]

GE, I think you're reading my mind--I would love to go to happy hour, but I have no one to go with!!!! I am now working at a small company, and it's pretty much all guys (married, at that), and only one woman (older and married). My female friends are either married or in a couple and don't go out to happy hours. Actually, none of them works but one. And that one just refuses to go anywhere! Grrrr. Can you now see how it's easy for me to be going out of my mind? I have no social life!
[QUOTE=SophiaM]GE, I think you're reading my mind--I would love to go to happy hour, but I have no one to go with!!!! I am now working at a small company, and it's pretty much all guys (married, at that), and only one woman (older and married). My female friends are either married or in a couple and don't go out to happy hours. Actually, none of them works but one. And that one just refuses to go anywhere! Grrrr. Can you now see how it's easy for me to be going out of my mind? I have no social life![/QUOTE]

Actually, you won't believe this but I met a really nice girl online who works in the same field as me and she's single too. She's also into the online dating thing, and though we haven't met in person yet, we've been talking for quite awhile and we are planning to go out next week.

She always sends me emails with singles mixers events, but I haven't gone to any yet. She met a guy named Steve and she slept with him on the second date! Anway, he's still seeing her. I was a little surprised. :eek: She said he never calls though, he just emails. But, anyway, she's about your age or a little older and really pretty, and she's having a lot of trouble meeting the right person too.

I don't know, I don't mind going to a bar by myself. After I have a drink, I don't feel as nervous, and when I sit at the bar, men just come up and start talking to me. Venture out alone. Men are not as intimated to approach a woman who is by herself. If you go with a bunch of other women, they are less likely to approach you. Just go to a nice place where classy men hang out. They must have tons of places to go in New York City! Wow, if I lived there, I would probably be trying a lot of the different clubs. :D

I live in a small town with a lot of blue collar workers, and they just don't have anything but pool halls and dives!

Houston has a lot of nice places, and that's where I'm going to meet this new girl after work next week. We've just had a hard time actually getting together because of our schedules. She doesn't like to go out alone either, that's why she always asking me.

Well, take a chance, and go out tonight to a nice place. Wear a sexy, but classy outfit, act confident and go sit down at the bar and SMILE. Try to go to a place where professionals hang out. I've even met a lot of girlfriends in bars.

Whatever you do, try to stay positive and remember you have a lot to offer!
[QUOTE=heartlandguy]Looking back on finding a partner, I realize that it is so much like trying to find a matching piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Lots of pieces look like possible matches but simply don’t fit. Being emotional or thinking about why a piece doesn’t fit only hinders the process. It’s as simple as the right two pieces fit perfectly while near matches can’t be made to fit without destructive manipulation. Being upset in real life at a near match that simply didn’t fit means that we don’t appreciate the overall puzzle and that the near match belongs elsewhere.

It’s hard to imagine being as unemotional as a good jigsaw puzzle solver yet I’m amazed at how close Stacy has come. She certainly has emotions yet she believes in her rules of selection so much that she follows them through the storm of dating like an airplane pilot depending on his instruments. It’s hard to question her results, too. I doubt most of us will ever reach the level Stacy has achieved yet doing so appears very attractive since she has avoided more pain than most of us.[/QUOTE]

Thank you Heartland, and thanks for welcoming me back to the boards :). I am very grateful for your insight, which helps put things in perspective for me, and I also take your words as a great compliment. I'm extremely flattered that you have, as always, devoted such careful thought to this and been able to summarize what I've tried to say so many times much more clearly and eloquently than I ever could. It is so rare to find someone as insightful and understanding as yourself who makes such a sincere, impressive effort to truly comprehend how other people think and act in order to be able to provide the most helpful advice possible, uniquely tailored to each individual here. I feel so blessed to have you as a friend and advisor, especially because you along with my other wonderful friends here have been invaluable in helping me stay positive and on track in my quest to find the right guy for me...so thank you very very much! :wave:

I think your metaphor is not only an extremely accurate summary of my individual approach to men but is also very applicable to dating in general...it's really a process of trial and error in which we are all looking for our perfect match and screening out ;) those people who fail to live up to our standards and specifications for our ideal partner. To this end, it seems logical to me to have as much fun as possible along our paths to finding "the one," and to not waste our precious time or energy asking questions with no good answer, such as why a particular person just wasn't right for us, rather than accepting that for whatever reason, they weren't our perfect match, then move on and give all the other possibilities out there a chance. There are tons of people out there who just aren't right for us, and taking that personally or mourning it anymore than absolutely necessary is a choice, and a very painful and destructive choice at that.

You're 100% right, Heartland, that everyone is emotional and that finding love is unescapably an emotional process, but I do believe it's not only possible but essential to gain some control over our emotions and not let them get in the way of finding love and happiness. I won't deny, for example, that losing Patrick was absolutely heartbreaking and devestating, but I did have a choice as to how I would let that pain impact my life...I could either embrace the pain and immerse myself in it indefinitely, in which case I'd likely still be sitting around alone crying every day and night, or I could let myself feel it but make every effort not to dwell on it more than I could avoid, and instead let it motivate me to keep busy, be sociable, and meet new people. The latter option worked wonders for me and helped me so much in getting back on my feet and feeling okay again, rather than hopeless and lost and completely devestated because someone I loved deeply turned out not to be the right match for me. I think people often make the mistake of thinking they have no control over their emotions and no choice but to let their negative feelings envelop and inhibit them rather than fighting them off and embracing positivity instead.

Accepting that many relationships are simply not meant to be really has produced great results for me, just as you said, Heartland...not just in the sense that it's helped me get back out there and find another great guy after each breakup, but also because being firm about screening out guys who aren't a good match for me has left me free to devote my time to guys who just might be my ideal man. I read somewhere that it's best to be very open-minded and forgiving with people who have excellent potential and at the same time ruthless about ruling out those who, when we look at them objectively, we can see that they really aren't going to be our perfect match, no matter how understanding we are or how many excuses we make for them in our minds. This strategy has left me free to enjoy a lot of great dates but more importantly, has resulted in me being fortunate enough to find one happy and fulfilling relationship after another, with little time wasted feeling lonely in between. And when I have been single, I looked at it as a positive time in which I was lucky to be free and experience a variety of different men in order to learn more about what I wanted in my perfect match--not to mention a great opportunity to find that man among all the other mismatches out there! I really think this attitude has been invaluable, ever since I started dating, in helping me stay optimistic and confident in myself, which in turn made me much more appealing to the opposite sex than I would have been otherwise. I don't say this to brag or anything but only because I'd love to see those of you who aren't feeling all that fortunate or optimistic when it comes to dating take a different approach and focus on the positive...because not only would that make you all happier, whether you're single or attached, but it will make you much more attractive and special in the eyes of potential partners. You guys truly deserve to find happiness regardless of your relationship status, and I really hope you can see how wonderful you are even when things look bleak on the dating front. I love you all so much...Stacy :).
Stacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so nice to have you back! I have missed you. I know that I need to change my dating mindset--it really doesn't have to be as complicated as I seem make it :rolleyes: . So thanks so much for trying to help me see the light (again), so to speak. And Heartland, I LOVED your metaphor! It really does make so much sense :) ---now if only I can remember to keep it in mind and not be so emotional when things don't work out. Instead of thinking "what if", I need to be thinking "what next"! Anyway Heartland, thanks for your wonderful insight-----I love hearing advice from a guys perspective---especially when they are as wise as you!!

GE, I hope your date with the NASA guy goes really well----I can't wait to hear all about it!!!!! Have you decided on what you are going to wear? I'm sure that you will look really cute and Mr. NASA guy won't be able to take his eyes off of you :D !!!

I would love to go to happy hour somewhere, but like Sophia, I guess I will have to just go by myself because I now only have one single friend (and she lives an hour 1/2 away from me). All of my other friends are married and I still hang out with them, but sometimes it just gets a little old because I am always the single one and their same other friends who are single try to hit on me. One of them just got divorced, so they were even trying to get me to go out with him :rolleyes: .

I didn't want to sit at home by myself tonight, so I called my brother (he's ten years younger than me) to come over and take his poor, single, old-maid sister to the movies---hehe :D . Poor thing, I know that he had several other things he would have rather done with his friends, but I actually talked him into to it!!

Anyway, about meeting my MR. Wonderful, well there is always tomorrow.....for tomorrow is, another day. :) See---I am really trying to be optimistic ;) !
[QUOTE=glamourgal]Stacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so nice to have you back! I have missed you. I know that I need to change my dating mindset--it really doesn't have to be as complicated as I seem make it :rolleyes: . So thanks so much for trying to help me see the light (again), so to speak. And Heartland, I LOVED your metaphor! It really does make so much sense :) ---now if only I can remember to keep it in mind and not be so emotional when things don't work out. Instead of thinking "what if", I need to be thinking "what next"! Anyway Heartland, thanks for your wonderful insight-----I love hearing advice from a guys perspective---especially when they are as wise as you!!

GE, I hope your date with the NASA guy goes really well----I can't wait to hear all about it!!!!! Have you decided on what you are going to wear? I'm sure that you will look really cute and Mr. NASA guy won't be able to take his eyes off of you :D !!![/QUOTE]

Thanks, sweetie! That makes me feel so good--I had missed you guys a whole lot! GG, it's so great to hear you sounding more upbeat and optimistic! Your "what's next" approach is really smart and also quite accurate; after all, if a guy is too stupid to see how great you are, the sooner you get him out of the way and move on to the next possibility, the better! The less time we waste with the wrong guys, the more time we'll have for ones who could be our Mr. Right(s). I will be sending you ladies my very best wishes all weekend and hope you all have lots of fun...GG, I'm happy to hear that you're going to try and keep busy and take your mind off everything. There's nothing smarter than surrounding yourself with family and friends who love you when you need some distraction from feeling sad, so I hope you have a wonderful time tonight with your brother, and that you all have great weekends! GE, I will be rooting for everything to go great with Mr. NASA--please keep us all posted!
[QUOTE=glamourgal]One of them just got divorced, so they were even trying to get me to go out with him :rolleyes: .[/QUOTE]

Oh God, isn't that the [I]worst[/I]?! :eek:

My best friend once tried to fix me up with her freshly divorced brother-in-law (without even TELLING me; I showed up at the restaurant to see her and her BF and he was there - with his KID, no less!).

He spent the whole evening making horrible comments about his ex - everything short of calling her the B word. Ooooh, baby! Now THAT is a real turn-on! Marry me! :rolleyes:

Kudos to you for being so optimistic, however! :)
[QUOTE=glamourgal]
GE, I hope your date with the NASA guy goes really well----I can't wait to hear all about it!!!!! Have you decided on what you are going to wear? I'm sure that you will look really cute and Mr. NASA guy won't be able to take his eyes off of you :D !!!

[/QUOTE]

I'm very intrigued by this man from his emails. I asked him what he was going to wear so I could recognize him, and he said he does not even own one pair of jeans. :confused: He's wearing white pants and a navy or black shirt. I've got to cut and paste this email...he reminds of another "Albert Einstein"....here goes.........

Well, if I'm there first, I'll be in the bar (the Katy Carino's had
one). As
for clothes, how about white pants and a black pull over. I don't know
why,
but I don't have any jeans. I thought I did, but, after looking, I
don't. I
need to do some shopping for clothes. I have a blue pull over. Maybe
that
will go better with white pants. The black one has a horse's head on
it. The
blue one has a satellite on it. I guess the black one is better. I
definitely need some more clothes.

Have you still got my cell number? (gave it to me).

Maybe I need to get a close up picture. I have thought so often enough
and
then forget about it the next moment. Is that being absent minded? Or
maybe
I just fill my head up with other things and loose track of practical
things
like clothes, keys, names, whatever. Spelling is another one that gets
little attention. If it weren't for spell checkers, I'd be (or appear)
uneducated.

So, see ya on Sat.

Bob

Wow!
LOL--GE, he sounds a lot like me! Or at least a lot like my type of brilliant but slightly bumbling, absent-minded and lovable guys...so far, I like what I hear! I don't know if you go for the same kind of smart, sweet, laidback guys I like, but I think those are pretty desirable qualities no matter what your type, so hopefully you'll hit it off and have a great date! I'll be wishing you well--when are you meeting him, tomorrow night? Do any of you other lovely single ladies have dates planned tonight? I'm feeling pretty jealous and not quite sure that I've done the right thing committing to only one guy after being single for such a short time. Maybe because I haven't spent much of my life single, but I really enjoyed the opportunity to meet and date so many different men...I just really love men, lots of them, and have always enjoyed experiencing as many different guys as I can find who appeal to me :). Am I being stupid and not fully appreciating what I have with Justin, or are my instincts trying to tell me something about me needing to date more and experience more of life as a single girl while I'm still young? The last few days, I'm not sure...before that, I hadn't given dating again much thought and it didn't seem appealing like it has lately...but I don't know why, nothing has happened to change my feelings about Justin :confused:. I just kind of miss the freedom of meeting and dating a lot of different men...I don't know what's up with me lately; do you guys have any advice to help me get my head screwed back on straight? Thanks and much love, Stacy
[QUOTE=CrimsonClover]Oh God, isn't that the [I]worst[/I]?! :eek:

My best friend once tried to fix me up with her freshly divorced brother-in-law (without even TELLING me; I showed up at the restaurant to see her and her BF and he was there - with his KID, no less!).

He spent the whole evening making horrible comments about his ex - everything short of calling her the B word. Ooooh, baby! Now THAT is a real turn-on! Marry me! :rolleyes:

:)[/QUOTE]

How funny :D !!!!
[QUOTE=eaglesgirl37]LOL--GE, he sounds a lot like me! Or at least a lot like my type of brilliant but slightly bumbling, absent-minded and lovable guys...so far, I like what I hear! I don't know if you go for the same kind of smart, sweet, laidback guys I like, but I think those are pretty desirable qualities no matter what your type, so hopefully you'll hit it off and have a great date! I'll be wishing you well--when are you meeting him, tomorrow night? Do any of you other lovely single ladies have dates planned tonight? I'm feeling pretty jealous and not quite sure that I've done the right thing committing to only one guy after being single for such a short time. Maybe because I haven't spent much of my life single, but I really enjoyed the opportunity to meet and date so many different men...I just really love men, lots of them, and have always enjoyed experiencing as many different guys as I can find who appeal to me :). Am I being stupid and not fully appreciating what I have with Justin, or are my instincts trying to tell me something about me needing to date more and experience more of life as a single girl while I'm still young? The last few days, I'm not sure...before that, I hadn't given dating again much thought and it didn't seem appealing like it has lately...but I don't know why, nothing has happened to change my feelings about Justin :confused:. I just kind of miss the freedom of meeting and dating a lot of different men...I don't know what's up with me lately; do you guys have any advice to help me get my head screwed back on straight? Thanks and much love, Stacy[/QUOTE]

Whoops! My reply didn't get put in. I think I was going to tell you that this new guy I'm going to meet is also a Libra!

Also, look at my post in your new thread. I think maybe your instincts are trying to tell you something.
Wow GE! Mr. NASA certainly sounds interesting!! I am so curiuos to know how the date goes!!! Hopefully it will be exciting :bouncing: !

Stacy, I have no idea what to tell you----do you feel happy with Justin? I know that things are going really well with you guys, but do you really, truly feel happy and excited about the relationship? It sounds like you might be starting to lose interest, even though you really like him.
[QUOTE=greeneyes100][/QUOTE]

Trust your instincts! I dont' know if I spelled it right...go with your gut!

Love,

Aunt GE
Thanks you guys--you're the best and it helps so much to have your support. GE, I did get find the book used, through the first big book site I tried, so I was happy about that...I love shopping online! Your advice all makes good sense and is helpful...unfortunately though, I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling about everything. I've been kind of confused, scattered, and also sad lately, and I don't know what role that is playing in my recent thinking. I'm kind of numb, not so much to do with Justin in particular than not excited or enthusiastic about much of anything, and feeling kind of worn down these days. :confused: I wish I always knew exactly what the smartest choices were, but sometimes I'm baffled and feel pretty out of touch...I'm sorry, GG, I don't mean to hijack your thread...if this keeps troubling me, I might start another thread. How are you all doing tonight? :wave:
Hey Stacy, I hope you are feeling better today!!! :)

I had a good night last night---it was fun to get to visit and spend a little time with my brother---he is such a cutie, I have tried to "train" him over the years to be a great catch for some lucky girl and so far he treats girls very respectfully (that I know of anyway)--they are all "in love" with him--hehe. I just hope he continues to make smart decisions.

Anyway, I talked to one of my friends today and she asked me if the set-up guy had called since he got back from his trip. I told her that he did, but he broke his probation and that he was now officially "suspended" :jester: . She said WHAT??---she thought I was talking about his job--hehe.

Also, this evening I am going to visit my only single friend----so maybe she will be in the mood to go to happy hour somewhere!
Hi there GG! :wave:

I am so happy to hear you sounding more upbeat today...happily, I am also feeling better, thanks in no small part to you all! Your brother sounds like a real sweetie...care to introduce him to any of the lovely single ladies you know here? ;) It sounds like he reminds you that there really are some wonderful, sweet, caring, and respectful men out there and I hope also you remember that you deserve nothing less! It's great to surround yourself with people who put you in a good mood and help give you a positive outlook...so I'm thrilled to hear that you have close friends and family members who can help boost your mood when you need a little extra lift. :) It's also good to have at least one single friend who you can use as an ally when you go out scoping cute guys...well, at least once in awhile! I know how weird and frustrating it can be when all your friends are attached and not in the same situation as you, so I am very pleased to hear that you have good people around you in the same boat to provide support, companionship, and encouragement. I'm so impressed at what a good job you've done rebounding from the whole discouraging situation with blind date guy...you've really handled this whole thing with a tremendous amount of class and dignity, and I hope you give yourself all the credit and praise you deserve! Love, Stacy





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