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[QUOTE=glamourgal]I have actually only been on one real "blind date" and the guy turned out to be a total hunk----I absolutely loved his personality!!! I guess I ended up being the dull one because I never got a call-back. I recently talked to the lady that wanted us to meet and she thinks that I should call him because she said that he has been very busy with work lately (she works at the same place as him) and that has been all he has had time for. I just refuse to do it though because if he truly liked me he would have found the time to give me a quick call. I have never been the one to pursue someone before and I just think that if a guy really likes you, he will certainly find the time to call.

Sophia, I really liked your advice----I think that I will be open-minded to being set-up, but like you stated I will get a lot of info first--or maybe see if I can meet them in a group setting before I agree to go out on an actual date. I have been really busy lately and I also just got back from a vacation, so I have not been on here very much, but I am trying to catch-up on your thread! I hope your date goes well with NG!!! Just know that you deserve only the best---so I hope that he is finally willing to be that!![/QUOTE]

Hey Glamour Girl! It's good to hear from you again, and I think you have a really great head on your shoulders when it comes to dating. I couldn't agree more with the first paragraph I quoted of yours above, especially the last two sentences. You are right not to take your coworker's advice, though I understand why she wants things to work out, as we all like to be successful matchmakers. Like you, I've always had a strong aversion to being the one to do the pursuing...if a guy doesn't keep a relationship going, at least in the early stages, I'm not going to do the work for him. In the few cases where I've given men the benefit of the doubt and done my share of the pursuing, things fizzled out, and I should have just sat back and realized a lot earlier that he wasn't that interested. We women could save ourselves so much wasted time and energy on men who are lukewarm about us if we'd trust our instincts when they don't call or otherwise make a consistent effort to keep us in their lives. I really think you're 100% correct that a guy will always find a minute to call or otherwise contact you if he's interested, considering how much women and sex are on their minds! ;) Besides, if a guy likes a girl, he is going to enjoy being enthusiastic about pursuing her...that's a big part of the fun for them, and I've never had a man who really liked me not be happy to pursue me. The ones who didn't call or only called sporatically when I didn't contact them just weren't that into me--I'm glad I wasn't more assertive about pursuing them, or who knows how many not that interested men I would have dated!

I'm not saying that if a guy doesn't call, it's always about the girl, because a lot of times they are just busy or not looking to date or involved with someone else or some other reason that doesn't have anything to do with the girl. But I think it's very smart to let them come to you; it's the quickest and most reliable way to tell if he really likes you. We'd save ourselves a lot of wondering and frustration if we'd all read He's Not Just That Into You and stop making excuses in our minds that make us feel okay about doing all or most of the chasing with men we really like who don't pursue us. That book just confirmed everything I'd already suspected about female friends I have who go after guys or continue to make an effort with men who don't pursue them in return. Women could save themselves so much time and effort with men who aren't that interested and will eventually move on if they only date guys who consistently and actively pursue them. I think the next time I hear a friend justify calling a guy who didn't call her after a date because "he's working really hard," or "he's been traveling," or "he's just shy about chasing after me," etc., I'm just going to keep quiet and give her a copy of that book. I hate to say this, because I'm such an ardent feminist and would really like to think that women and men can both do the chasing, but I guess while we're equal, we're not the same, and one thing that men want to keep exclusive to them is being the pursuers with women. Sorry to babble on about this; I mainly wanted to let you know that I think you're very smart to have grasped this so clearly and to live accordingly, no excuses! (In case you can't tell, it's just sinking in for me...I've never chased after guys because of shyness, not because I knew all this, but now I see why I've intuitively always sensed that I was better off that way.) I always admired women with the nerve to pursue guys, but thinking back, I've never seen one single example of guy really liking a woman where she was the one who put most of the effort into keeping the relationship going. In every single case like that, it turned out that he was just not that into her--either she was the "other woman" he never ever ended up leaving his primary relationship for, the girl he called for sex after other dates, or someone he tolerated dating until he met someone he really liked and disappeared. If every woman who wondered whether a man was truly into her stopped calling him, I bet most of them would be very unpleasantly surprised that they never heard from the man again.

Anyway, I apologize for going on and on about that and not about the main topic of your thread. While I think it's generally a good idea to go on as many dates as possible to learn more about what you want and like in the opposite sex, it doesn't sound like you're at all enthusiastic about these set-up attempts. I can certainly understand why...dating can be frustrating enough as it is without having to report back to people in your lives who are anxiously hoping you'll live happily ever after with the men they picked for you. If I were you, I'd take that pressure off yourself by just telling would-be matchmakers that you've decided to either take a break from dating or just stop going on blind dates. People will probably take it a lot better when you say no to setups if they think you're not interested in dates/blind dates period, rather than not interested in the particular guy they're trying to pitch to you. Even if you have to tell some white lies, that should get them to lay off once they say no...I know how annoyingly persistent those wannabe matchmakers can be! If you do agree to be set up, I think you're right to take Sophia's advice about getting together in a group rather than one-on-one. I think your approach sounds really smart, and please don't worry about offending people or hurting their feelings when you turn down dates. You have every right to date who you want without any pressure or guilt trips from others...I really admire you for being so smart and refusing to settle for something you don't want. I wish you all the best when it comes to dating...keep us posted please, OK? :wave:
Thanks GG for your sweet reply to my post. Things with J have been going really great :), thanks and I really appreciate you wishing me well. Sorry to hear you haven't been having the best of luck lately with men, but it is definitely clear that you have still got it if you inspire such a reaction from strangers on the street! The best way to deal with jerks like that, by the way, is to try to be at least a little flattered that they thought you worthy of being an idiot over. As for the call--I really don't think you should do it. Now I could be wrong and of course that's just my opinion, but I think he would have called you if he was interested. When I was online dating, I met two guys who I liked okay but who didn't call after our first meetings. I sent them polite thank you emails soon after the first dates and never heard back :eek:. This was a bit of a blow to my ego, but fortunately as many of you know it's quite healthy, and since all the other guys I dated wanted to see me again, I tried not to take it personally that those ones weren't interested. Their loss, right? But it was one of the few times in my life I've really been single and free to date around, and I learned quite a bit...one thing is that every word of that He's Just Not That Into You book is true. If a man is into you, he will find a way to contact you...of course there are occasional exceptions like if he gets run over by a bus or something, but they are too few and far between to ever make excuses for a guy who makes no effort to contact you. I agree with the other posters that it won't do any harm for you to call him, but I'm 99.99% sure it would just be a complete waste of time that could be spent on a man smart enough to realize what a great catch you are, GG. :wave:
[QUOTE=SophiaM]GG, I know it's scary, but I think it's a very good sign he called when he said he would and that he's interested in seeing you again. Yes, we must take risks sometimes. It's either take a risk on someone you like or stay on the safe side and keep dating a guy you're not remotely interested in. I would go with the risk. It's a relatively minor risk, in my opinion. Even if nothing happens after the second date, at least you would know that you tried. Hopefully, though, you guys will have a great time and more dates will follow. Chin up, Glamourgirl! I also think you should have a proper date like dinner together, so you can sit down somewhere and simply talk to each other and get to know each other better. besides, you can wear a nice outfit and show him who's a glamorous, classy woman turning guy's heads when she walks by! :)[/QUOTE]

Thank you Sophia! I know that I sometimes tend to make a big deal out of minor things :rolleyes: . It's certainly not the best trait that I have. I guess I am just tired of being the only single person out of my friends and family and I finally really do seem to like someone, so I am just worried about the outcome. I am sure that I will take the "risk" of going out with him if he asks, I just hope that I can get out of this depressed mood before then. I was in a not so good mood on our last date and I don't want to mess this one up too (if we do even go out). I also would like to go out to dinner and I really want to be able to dress up for him too. Anyway, I will let you guys know when he calls again. I think that another (small) thing that has kind of made me feel nervous is that the night before last I had a dream that I married this guy and I woke up full of nerves!! I have never dreamnt that before :eek: .
[QUOTE=SophiaM]He would have to be retarded to mention to a potential date about another girl he's dating. That's why I am inclined to think that "Tiffany" is not his gf. But regardless, it's not a good sign that he didn't mention anything specific about setting up the next date with you. He sounds flaky and definitely not someone who is as interested in you as he should be, especially considering what a great and brave girl you are![/QUOTE]

I agree that he is flaky and obviously not very interested in me. I just hope that I never have to speak with him again--or hear his voice for that matter. I can't stand his laugh either--it's VERY dorky sounding! Anyway, I know that is "immature" of me to say that, but I am just upset with how this guy turned out. Thanks for thinking that I am a great and brave girl. I think that God is just going to have to drop someone on my doorstep because I am tired of putting myself out there only to be treated like this. Something must have changed between last Thursday when I 1st talked to him and yesterday. Maybe he got mad because I didn't return the call that he left me on Sunday, but he said that if I didn't call him back that he would call me back. So I decided not to call him because I didn't want to bother him while he was on his trip. He also told me last night that he left his cell phone in his truck, so he didn't have it the whole trip. I was wondering--why in the hell are you telling me this--it's not like I called you or anything while you were away. He is just a really confusing person and I don't have the time for anyone like that.





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