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[QUOTE=glamourgal]I have actually only been on one real "blind date" and the guy turned out to be a total hunk----I absolutely loved his personality!!! I guess I ended up being the dull one because I never got a call-back. I recently talked to the lady that wanted us to meet and she thinks that I should call him because she said that he has been very busy with work lately (she works at the same place as him) and that has been all he has had time for. I just refuse to do it though because if he truly liked me he would have found the time to give me a quick call. I have never been the one to pursue someone before and I just think that if a guy really likes you, he will certainly find the time to call.

Sophia, I really liked your advice----I think that I will be open-minded to being set-up, but like you stated I will get a lot of info first--or maybe see if I can meet them in a group setting before I agree to go out on an actual date. I have been really busy lately and I also just got back from a vacation, so I have not been on here very much, but I am trying to catch-up on your thread! I hope your date goes well with NG!!! Just know that you deserve only the best---so I hope that he is finally willing to be that!![/QUOTE]

Hey Glamour Girl! It's good to hear from you again, and I think you have a really great head on your shoulders when it comes to dating. I couldn't agree more with the first paragraph I quoted of yours above, especially the last two sentences. You are right not to take your coworker's advice, though I understand why she wants things to work out, as we all like to be successful matchmakers. Like you, I've always had a strong aversion to being the one to do the pursuing...if a guy doesn't keep a relationship going, at least in the early stages, I'm not going to do the work for him. In the few cases where I've given men the benefit of the doubt and done my share of the pursuing, things fizzled out, and I should have just sat back and realized a lot earlier that he wasn't that interested. We women could save ourselves so much wasted time and energy on men who are lukewarm about us if we'd trust our instincts when they don't call or otherwise make a consistent effort to keep us in their lives. I really think you're 100% correct that a guy will always find a minute to call or otherwise contact you if he's interested, considering how much women and sex are on their minds! ;) Besides, if a guy likes a girl, he is going to enjoy being enthusiastic about pursuing her...that's a big part of the fun for them, and I've never had a man who really liked me not be happy to pursue me. The ones who didn't call or only called sporatically when I didn't contact them just weren't that into me--I'm glad I wasn't more assertive about pursuing them, or who knows how many not that interested men I would have dated!

I'm not saying that if a guy doesn't call, it's always about the girl, because a lot of times they are just busy or not looking to date or involved with someone else or some other reason that doesn't have anything to do with the girl. But I think it's very smart to let them come to you; it's the quickest and most reliable way to tell if he really likes you. We'd save ourselves a lot of wondering and frustration if we'd all read He's Not Just That Into You and stop making excuses in our minds that make us feel okay about doing all or most of the chasing with men we really like who don't pursue us. That book just confirmed everything I'd already suspected about female friends I have who go after guys or continue to make an effort with men who don't pursue them in return. Women could save themselves so much time and effort with men who aren't that interested and will eventually move on if they only date guys who consistently and actively pursue them. I think the next time I hear a friend justify calling a guy who didn't call her after a date because "he's working really hard," or "he's been traveling," or "he's just shy about chasing after me," etc., I'm just going to keep quiet and give her a copy of that book. I hate to say this, because I'm such an ardent feminist and would really like to think that women and men can both do the chasing, but I guess while we're equal, we're not the same, and one thing that men want to keep exclusive to them is being the pursuers with women. Sorry to babble on about this; I mainly wanted to let you know that I think you're very smart to have grasped this so clearly and to live accordingly, no excuses! (In case you can't tell, it's just sinking in for me...I've never chased after guys because of shyness, not because I knew all this, but now I see why I've intuitively always sensed that I was better off that way.) I always admired women with the nerve to pursue guys, but thinking back, I've never seen one single example of guy really liking a woman where she was the one who put most of the effort into keeping the relationship going. In every single case like that, it turned out that he was just not that into her--either she was the "other woman" he never ever ended up leaving his primary relationship for, the girl he called for sex after other dates, or someone he tolerated dating until he met someone he really liked and disappeared. If every woman who wondered whether a man was truly into her stopped calling him, I bet most of them would be very unpleasantly surprised that they never heard from the man again.

Anyway, I apologize for going on and on about that and not about the main topic of your thread. While I think it's generally a good idea to go on as many dates as possible to learn more about what you want and like in the opposite sex, it doesn't sound like you're at all enthusiastic about these set-up attempts. I can certainly understand why...dating can be frustrating enough as it is without having to report back to people in your lives who are anxiously hoping you'll live happily ever after with the men they picked for you. If I were you, I'd take that pressure off yourself by just telling would-be matchmakers that you've decided to either take a break from dating or just stop going on blind dates. People will probably take it a lot better when you say no to setups if they think you're not interested in dates/blind dates period, rather than not interested in the particular guy they're trying to pitch to you. Even if you have to tell some white lies, that should get them to lay off once they say no...I know how annoyingly persistent those wannabe matchmakers can be! If you do agree to be set up, I think you're right to take Sophia's advice about getting together in a group rather than one-on-one. I think your approach sounds really smart, and please don't worry about offending people or hurting their feelings when you turn down dates. You have every right to date who you want without any pressure or guilt trips from others...I really admire you for being so smart and refusing to settle for something you don't want. I wish you all the best when it comes to dating...keep us posted please, OK? :wave:





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