It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hi, Lavida :wave: I must say for the most part I would have to agree with Realguy on this one in the sense that most people whether male or female would have a problem with their SO having "regular" contact with an ex. I am sure that if it were you talking to any of your exs that your BF would not be too thrilled with the situation either. Just the fact that he had a problem with you coming here shows that to be true....even if it is just talking with your cyberfriends. :D

The important thing is that no one should have a problem with a random encounter with an ex by telephone, however, regular contact is a different story. I've had an ex fiance contact me randomly which has been no threat to my husband because he know that it was me that broke the engagement and the reasons why. In fact we have a little joke because once my husband's best friend called and I answered as if it were my ex fiance saying..."Oh hi, R. How are you it's been quite some time since I heard from you!!" Well, my husband's best friend took that opportunity to tease the life out of me and hasn't stopped since. Everytime he calls he identifies himself as R. and gets a kick out of my reaction to that ;)

Anyway....as far as the way in which you resolve things, as much as we would like to think that they should be resolved before we go to sleep that doesn't always happen. I am one that finds it difficult to sleep when I am having a problem with my husband but he is one that can fall asleep in the middle of a sentence if he is tired. :eek: This drives me crazy and it is so ironic because in his vows he promised "to never allow the sun to go down on any wrath between us" (I think he must have plagerized that from someone else's vows ;) ) and I can't say how many times he got away with that one. But, I have to say that for the most part we try to work things out as quickly as possible. It is important to resolve things, compromise and choose our battles in a relationship. The way we communicate is important too. What exactly do you see as the problem you are having with your BF in this area??? Does he avoid conflict, get angry and have you fearful of expressing your feelings or does he just pretend there is not a problem?? If there is something that just comes up over & over again it is important that you do resolve it otherwise it will continue to be a problem between you. You must also realize that there are things that you may just have to accept but that if they are something that you absolutely cannot then you must realize that you cannot change them and may have to walk away if the issue is one that you cannot compromise on.

I also sense that you may have some cultural differences in which you question whether or not this is the way of an American guy. Respect and love are universal no matter what background one comes from. And in a relationship you should feel like more of a person with the other rather than lesser of a person. He should bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. That is what is most important.

I also sense that this is a fairly new relationship for you and that you are now approaching a stage in which you are taking a risk in seeing it as something special but are having some doubts. You need to ask yourself if perhaps your doubts come from the past hurts that you had with other guys or if they come from this BF who doesn't seem to meet all of your needs. Only you can decide this and what it is that is causing you such worry at this particular time.

I hope we can help you figure things out a little bit better. ~ Goody :wave:
[QUOTE=ladivapr02] Now four months later is when this new things came out of the blue. He did not go to my house as he was used to (this is long story I have to tell), then asked me like for more freedom, then mentions his exgf's. I really cann't tell all that had gone to his mind but one thing he had doubts whether or not I truly loved him or was settling for him was the fact my profile was not hidden in the dating site. I really thought I had hidden my profile when I unsubscribed from the site. I knew I continued getting winks that were sent to my junk mail but I have got some many from so many different different sites I just ignore them. He should not have had any doubts for that reason but oh well that happened...[/QUOTE]

Lavida ~ This worries me, your BF treats you like a princess and then stops seeing you, asking for more freedom, wants to talk/see his ex GF's and you tell him this bothers you and he doesn't seem to make you feel better, instead he tells you that he is offended and has you apologizing for something that he dd to make you feel bad. All because he had some doubts about your profile??? I don't know, Lavida, this seems to smell fishy and raises a BIG red flag. I hope that you will be careful and look for more of the same. I just don't get a good feeling about all of this. I want you to remember one thing,....you should feel good in your relationship and if you continue to feel bad then that is a clear sign that he is no good for you.
Will you promise your friends here that if he continues to make you feel bad that you will reevaluate the relationship????

My main concern is that in the beginning of a relationship everyone is on best behavior. It is around this time in a relationship that you will see your BF's true colors. Remember that.....Goody :wave:





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:41 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!