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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I'm with Realguy in that, while it might be understandable to perhaps email or call an ex who's now a casual friend once in a blue moon (maybe on their b-day or some holiday), but I find keeping in regular contact with numerous ex's can definitely be hindering to the relationship. Can anyone imagine being married to someone who's still talking to his/her ex's on a daily basis, or even a couple of times a week, and the ex's are calling the house, etc? I think very few people, both male and female, would be comfortable in this kind of situation. It's disrespectful to the relationship, in my view.

Ladiva, why are you concerned about your bf's conflict resolving skills? If it's only the fact that the issue wasn't fully resolved by the end of the day and you both went to bed feeling irritable or angry about it--I think that's ok. Sometimes it takes longer than a day to resolve a particular conflict. What would madden me most is if someone gave me "the silent treatment" for a few days--I would prefer them yelling and screaming rather than not talking to me at all, but that's just me :D
[QUOTE=SophiaM]

Ladiva, why are you concerned about your bf's conflict resolving skills? If it's only the fact that the issue wasn't fully resolved by the end of the day and you both went to bed feeling irritable or angry about it--I think that's ok. Sometimes it takes longer than a day to resolve a particular conflict. What would madden me most is if someone gave me "the silent treatment" for a few days--I would prefer them yelling and screaming rather than not talking to me at all, but that's just me :D[/QUOTE]

Yeah you maybe right Sophia. I just have never experienced fights in any of my relationships. I don't know how that can or not be handled. I'm so confused.
[QUOTE=ladivapr02]Yeah you maybe right Sophia. I just have never experienced fights in any of my relationships. I don't know how that can or not be handled. I'm so confused.[/QUOTE]

Really? You've never had an argument or a disagreement of any sort in a relationship before? That's a little strange to me. So how is your bf handling this conflict, I wonder? Is he angry at you, or pouting, or not talking to you? I'm just trying to figure out which behavior of his as far as resolving conflict goes is disturbing to you. It would be easier to give any advice then.
Hi, Lavida :wave: I must say for the most part I would have to agree with Realguy on this one in the sense that most people whether male or female would have a problem with their SO having "regular" contact with an ex. I am sure that if it were you talking to any of your exs that your BF would not be too thrilled with the situation either. Just the fact that he had a problem with you coming here shows that to be true....even if it is just talking with your cyberfriends. :D

The important thing is that no one should have a problem with a random encounter with an ex by telephone, however, regular contact is a different story. I've had an ex fiance contact me randomly which has been no threat to my husband because he know that it was me that broke the engagement and the reasons why. In fact we have a little joke because once my husband's best friend called and I answered as if it were my ex fiance saying..."Oh hi, R. How are you it's been quite some time since I heard from you!!" Well, my husband's best friend took that opportunity to tease the life out of me and hasn't stopped since. Everytime he calls he identifies himself as R. and gets a kick out of my reaction to that ;)

Anyway....as far as the way in which you resolve things, as much as we would like to think that they should be resolved before we go to sleep that doesn't always happen. I am one that finds it difficult to sleep when I am having a problem with my husband but he is one that can fall asleep in the middle of a sentence if he is tired. :eek: This drives me crazy and it is so ironic because in his vows he promised "to never allow the sun to go down on any wrath between us" (I think he must have plagerized that from someone else's vows ;) ) and I can't say how many times he got away with that one. But, I have to say that for the most part we try to work things out as quickly as possible. It is important to resolve things, compromise and choose our battles in a relationship. The way we communicate is important too. What exactly do you see as the problem you are having with your BF in this area??? Does he avoid conflict, get angry and have you fearful of expressing your feelings or does he just pretend there is not a problem?? If there is something that just comes up over & over again it is important that you do resolve it otherwise it will continue to be a problem between you. You must also realize that there are things that you may just have to accept but that if they are something that you absolutely cannot then you must realize that you cannot change them and may have to walk away if the issue is one that you cannot compromise on.

I also sense that you may have some cultural differences in which you question whether or not this is the way of an American guy. Respect and love are universal no matter what background one comes from. And in a relationship you should feel like more of a person with the other rather than lesser of a person. He should bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. That is what is most important.

I also sense that this is a fairly new relationship for you and that you are now approaching a stage in which you are taking a risk in seeing it as something special but are having some doubts. You need to ask yourself if perhaps your doubts come from the past hurts that you had with other guys or if they come from this BF who doesn't seem to meet all of your needs. Only you can decide this and what it is that is causing you such worry at this particular time.

I hope we can help you figure things out a little bit better. ~ Goody :wave:
hehe goody okay ladies and gentleman I will give more feedback as Im feeling inspired to write

Let's talk about biological clocks always a good topic and settling. No I don't like the idea of settling. I have thought about it in the past granted but yeah that certainly make us with a empty feeling. One thing i did learned from all my dating (which has been a lot since I live in the US) is that never i will find the perfect guy. If they are physically attractive then the personality sucks, if they have perfect personality then they are not attractive and so on. There is ALWAYS something. And looking at myself I'm not that perfect neither so what I looked for is the most balanced man. So when I found "L" well he had a fex extra pounds, divorced with child but he was always there, he is a church goer and i mean he even participates in mass and well we had great chemistry talking among other things. I wanted to date him. And ever since the begining he had treated me like a princess. Everyday he did not has his child he was at my house (we do not live together). We grew closer and closer. I had been truly happy. Now four months later is when this new things came out of the blue. He did not go to my house as he was used to (this is long story I have to tell), then asked me like for more freedom, then mentions his exgf's. I really cann't tell all that had gone to his mind but one thing he had doubts whether or not I truly loved him or was settling for him was the fact my profile was not hidden in the dating site. I really thought I had hidden my profile when I unsubscribed from the site. I knew I continued getting winks that were sent to my junk mail but I have got some many from so many different different sites I just ignore them. He should not have had any doubts for that reason but oh well that happened...





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