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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Ladiva, how are things going with your BF? I hope you are feeling better and that you were able to talk things out and find a solution that makes you both happy. I agree that it's not really fair for him to be upset about you discussing this here while he's not respecting your feelings about his ex-girlfriends. But as far as having them as friends goes, I still stick by my original advice...he should definitely, however, try to understand or at least respect where you're coming from and try to reach a compromise that makes both of you feel comfortable. Have you guys talked anymore? I just hope this all blows over and that everything works out for the best. I guess that if he doesn't make any effort to understand where you're coming from and make you feel reassured, he may not just be the right guy for you after all :confused:. But I also think you should really try to understand his position and be extremely careful to avoid seeming like you're being possessive and controlling in trying to prohibit certain friendships. Hopefully you can meet in the middle here and both compromise in order to make the other person feel satisfied and understood. Hang in there and hopefully he will come around and be more sensitive to your feelings, because you definitely shouldn't be the only one compromising. Maybe asking to meet his friends that live around your area would reassure you a bit?? I just think there has to be a good solution other than him ignoring you or you demanding that he cut off all ties with his exes...I will keep my fingers crossed that you guys work everything out and are happy together again soon :).

Realguy, your opinions may have been true for you, but they just don't hold up as blanket own situation completely contradicts everything you said, and I'm sure if that's the case with my experiences, there are plenty of others as well that disprove your assertions. It's not about staying friends with exes to keep new lovers from getting close; it's about wanting to stay in touch with people who were very important in my life and who I still care for greatly as friends. If a guy can't respect me and trust me enough to let me choose my own friends and not demand to be the only man I talk to, then in my view, he's an insecure control freak and I'm much better off kicking him out the door. And I've never really been single--it's just not true that someone has to let their partner control whether they stay friends with their exes in order to have a relationship. I've had one relationship after another and plenty of guys lined up whenever one ends, none of whom have ever tried to control me, because I'm not at all attracted to jealous and insecure guys. I like my men to be confident and secure enough not to be threatened by any other men and to trust me enough to know I'd never cheat with an ex. BUT--I would respect their feelings if they were concerned and wanted to keep an eye on my communications with exes, and I definitely think ladiva's BF should respect her feelings as well. There's just a big difference between being sensitive to someone's concerns and letting them dictate who you can and can't be friends with...that crosses the line into unacceptably controlling and would be a deal-breaking turn off in my view.

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