It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=canada56] I'm wanting to join the formula team at the university but it's not really the kind of club you are probably thinking of. I am a drummer so I'll see what they have for me at the school.[/QUOTE]

good luck.

i don't know what the formula team is... but i mean a bunch of smelly 4x4 enthusiasts isn't a prime pickup spot... but hey, have fun you never know where she'll turn up, the guys you hang with will have friends, sisters etc... plus the skills can lead to other things... knowing how to get a girls car going when shes stuck o nthe side of the road scores BIG brownie points... (this is just an E.G. from my 4x4 club analogy)

oh and don't restrict yourself to what you already know. for instance, if you always wanted to learn to surf, but havent, join a surf club. take this as an opportunity to expand not only your intelectual horizons, but horizons in every other part of your life... my one regret is i didn't get enough out of the social side of university.

it also helps then you've got conversation filler when you meet the girls, instead of uncomfortable silence, you can throw in "oh i'm learning to surf yada yada yada" makes you look dynamic ;)

and that can lead to "oh i surf, here here and here" or "i'd love to try that" both of which lead to an opportunity for another meeting, where the pressure is off you to entertain her the whole time.

oh and the rejection thing. i used to have that fear (still do i guess)... but think about it, do you fear being rejected when your chatting to your buddies? course not. girls aren't an alien race to be studied and impressed, or a "conquest" they are just people, like you, who have needs, fears, passions and interests. i'm not saying treat them like your buddies that you belch around etc, but approach them expecting no more than a pleasant conversation, and there is no chance of rejection... because there was nothing being asked of either party.,
[QUOTE=canada56]Thank you all for the advice you gave.

It was all really good advice and I appreciate it. I agree that I do need to get more involved with other parts of going to school rather than just partying and studying. I'm wanting to join the formula team at the university but it's not really the kind of club you are probably thinking of. I am a drummer so I'll see what they have for me at the school.

Last night I went to a club with a few of my friends and had a blast. I wasn't drinking very much and usually, again because of shyness and being afraid of making a fool out of myself, I will never go out onto the dance floor. This time I did and was having a great time. I actually saw some girls checking me out which is a pretty good feeling. However, I am also not the type that would pick a girl up from the bar due to certain ethical and moral reasons. Nonetheless, it was still a good confidence booster.

Any other comments would be appreciated too.[/QUOTE]

I think Mada makes a good point that you'll benefit from getting into different settings that include a lot of women--many of my male friends who ended up studying engineering and computer science complain that it's very tough to meet women. Most people in college end up hanging out primarily with other students in the same area of study, so I think one way you could encounter more women is to make an effort to step outside your usual social sphere. There are still some academic fields that tend to be predominantly male, and engineering is one of the most male-dominated, so making an effort to expand your social horizons would help expose you to a whole new pool of women than those you regularly encounter. This would not only allow you to practice talking to women you don't have to see all the time, but might also help you meet new people if you make new friends who can then introduce you to their friends. This is the best way I know to get outside your usual circle of friends, parties, hangouts, etc. Most college kids get stuck in a routine where they live in a pretty small circle of friends and acquaintances, which isn't a bad thing, but it sounds like you'd benefit from being exposed to few groups of people in unfamiliar social settings. I really liked getting to know people outside my immediate academic and social circles in college, and besides the fun and valuable experience getting to know new people you'd get by expanding your horizons, you'd probably have a lot better luck meeting women if you find a way to meet and hang out with students in less male-dominated fields. Many of my male friends in school met great women through me, so any women you meet who aren't right for you romantically might still make good friends who can not only help you meet other new women, but might also vouch for you and assure their friends that you're a good guy worth a chance. So...are there any clubs that interest you, or social organizations on campus outside your department that you'd consider joining? Do you know anyone studying a more predominantly female subject that would be willing to introduce you to and let you hang out with him or her and their friends? Coed intramural sports are also a great way to meet fun, sociable people who can introduce you to new circles of people that include include more women than the circles you travel in normally.

As far as being afraid of rejection, the only really effective solution to that is to face your fear and put yourself out there. The more you get in the habit of approaching women and putting yourself out there, the easier and less intimidating it gets. I do feel bad for you men having to be the ones who take the risk and ask us out, because no one likes to face possible rejection, so I don't really know what it's like, but I do know that everything gets easier the more you practice. I'd start by sticking to girls who are alone rather than facing a group of their friends as potential witnesses if she rejects you. Also, as a girl who's always had guys grouped around me, I know that such girls aren't always as kind and gracious as they should be when men approach them--since men have been all over us all the time since we can remember, we've gotten pretty used to blowing all but a select few off. Women who aren't constantly being hit on are likely to be very flattered by your interest if you approach them in a polite and respectful manner. Even if they don't want to date you, they're probably going to be nice and let you down easy in a friendly way...who knows, maybe they could even become your friends and help you meet girls who are better matches for you. So my advice is basically to expand your social horizons, get in the habit of approaching and talking to women regularly to get over your nervousness and fear of rejection, and increase your chances of success by hitting on women who are alone and aren't the most impressive looking girls in the room. Girls who are with really gorgeous friends are especially happy when guys show interest in them and will probably be very polite and friendly to you even if they aren't into you romantically...I'm not saying that you should go for girls you don't find attractive, just that you'll damage your confidence by only approaching the most beautiful girls around. These girls are probably the only ones who will be rude or damage your confidence if they reject you, so if you're trying to get more comfortable and secure about talking to women, I'd stick with more attainable ones. Hopefully that helps a bit...good luck, and remember that dating is a numbers game. The more women you approach, the better you'll get at talking to them, and the more dates you'll get as a result. It's all about putting yourself out there, taking chances, not taking anything personally or letting women shake your confidence, and learning from your experience.
when i was in college (man, i sound old now!!) i was exactly that way..in fact i was that way my whole life. i was just never ever ever in a position to meet women. all my friends got laid and i didn't.. :rolleyes: ..and the painful part is that i was the one that tried the most to get girls. sometimes its better to not try so hard. like you, i was in engineering where the girls are few and far between. also, the activities i'm genuinely interested in are not popular among girls. also, my friends never had that many close female friends so there was no "networking" possibilities. the ones i did meet were not attracted to me, plain and simple. i was a$$ed out no matter how you looked at it.

for me at least, there is one fact that has plagued me my whole life: every girl i want or ever wanted has always been unavailable.

contrary to what you might hear, i definitely would advise you NOT to approach girls in public. not the grocery store, bookstore, wherever. most are just unavailable and you really have about a 10% success rate, so why bother. besides, most go with their bf's and you never know when he'll come around the corner and catch you talking to his gf and you'll be really embarrassed.

stay away from bars and clubs [B]if you want to get a gf[/B]. if you just want to dance, have a good time, possibly make out with the girl and never see her again, then fine. girls go their to be "players" and are not serious about meeting guys. they'll give their numbers and act interested when they really aren't. they stupidly think [B]all[/B] guys want just sex and never stop to consider whether or not there really are nicer, quality guys out there..they are a waste of time.

joining clubs can only help. even though you might not directly meet someone there, you might meet a new guy friend who has friends and you thus have a new network of friends. if i had my college days to do over again i'd have joined the club i'm in now a lot earlier.

if you really want to just meet girls, then i think online personals are the way to go. when i'm ready to meet someone, thats probably the route i'll go. there are tons of advantages. you only meet the girls that are looking. no more approaching random girls and getting embarrassed because they're not available. you also have time to compose a nice message for a good first impression instead of saying something stupid to a stranger in public...besides, most girls are just creeped out when you talk to them in public when they know you want their number. also with personals, you get to know them before meeting them and when you do meet them, its in public and have the chance to know if they were truthful on their profile...this method just saves a lot of time and gives you tons of options at the same time. why leave it up to fate or chance meeting?? thats just for the chick fliks...not real life.

most importantly, have fun in college. i went my whole college life with no gf. sure i missed out on tons of sex but i made good guy friends and i'm pretty sure that if girls were involved in our "clique" they would have destroyed it with their silly drama. and remember, you're in school for engineering so STUDY!! get good grades, get an internship, or two, get a good job afterwards and worry about girls later...it'll happen for you probably sooner than you'll want it.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:02 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!