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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=BiggDogg2550]My gf and I have known each other for 3 yrs. and dating almost 2. I'm 21 and she is 17 and the age was not a thing, but bothered me at the begining, but not now. I've been there for her through all the rough times and her father being shot when she was little and her mother dying in her sleep on Mother's Day '04. I've done ever so much for her. Her mother must of known she was going to die since a week previous she asked me to promise to take care of her sunshine. I promised. From there my gf asked me to promise to marry her and i was taken back by this, but as the days went on i've seen myself with her and children down the road. She wasnts to be a child psycologist and get her doctorite at Univ. Of Pitt. Me a Business Major. I've promised her that i would marry her and to never do anything against it. Just recently at the begining of July she met this friend of the family. They end up kissing and my heart is broken. SHe said she wanted her space, but everything was going good except for a few fights her and there nothing serious. So she sees him all the time saying hes just a friend and they want nothing more. Well me on the other hand i see it another way. She tells me to be there for her and that later we will get married? What is that all about have me hanging on a string and she wants me to date, but deep down she doesn't want me to. What should I do? she also says to me that she still loves me. LAdies what does that all mean when you say you still love us men, but don't date? She wants space, but why with this guy. After all i've been there fore everything. I've been the on rock in her life after her mother dying. Forum what should a good man like myself do in this weird situation. I want to marry her, but not if there is no trust or cheating. I need some real help her thanks for reading all.[/QUOTE]


apparently i'm illogical and too emotional when it comes to this issue...

saying that, you've given what you could and a relationship should be two sided. they're some big responsibilities you've undertaken for her. now she's got confidence she's stepping away. happens to the best of us. run. it'l break your heart, but what she's saying is "i want my freedom, i want to mess around with other guys, but i want a safe exit when it all stops smelling of roses".

if it never stops smelling of roses, your stuck wasting your life waiting. at the moment she has all the control in the "quasi relationship". you probably feel powerless. the best advice i got when this happened to me was to get the ball back in my court. she only has as much control as your willing to give her. basically, you decide what you will and won't do and stick to it. instead of waiting for her to "take you back" giving her the control, start working through the grief as if your never going to get back together. that hope will only burn you in the long run.

if you go through the grief, and by some stroke of unimaginable fate brings you back together, you'll be a stronger man. if you don't get back together, you can move on. hoping she'll take you back will just string out the pain, and every new guy, or every time she won't talk to you, will slowly wear you down, and it hurts.

it's not pleasant, but believe me from experience, call this one over and work through it.





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