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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hey Sophia, I'm sorry if all this talk about your ex-ex made things harder for you, especially with him taking off to live overseas for so long. I know it must be difficult for you to come to terms with it being, for all intents and purposes, finally over with him and you, particularly because like me, you've said you have a tough time dealing with separation anxiety. On top of that, I've always feared loss and change and have been clingier than I should have as a result of these vulnerabilities. I also can understand how you feel and everything that GE has said because I have had my own experience with an extremely passionate love affair with a man with whom I had frequent, hotly contested fights. I am still fond of him and occasionally daydream about all the exciting memories we made together, but while we definitely had a storybook romance in many ways, in reality, I know we would have never been able to sustain a fulfilling and happy relationship together. It's fun to think about being with him again, but it wouldn't be wise or healthy for me to actually let him back into my life (though I couldn't help but give in for years after I left him :D because as soon as he entered the room, the electricity and sexual chemistry between us was too intense to withstand). I think the same is true for you and your ex-ex...while I can see GE's point and admire her optimism and efforts to help you see the positive in everything, I think it's a mistake to encourage you to continue to hold out any hope of rekindling a relationship with your ex-ex. There may be many good things between you, but there is also way too much drama, dysfunction, and mistreatment which seems to have gone on for way too long.

I think that cutting ties with him should be the first step in your new approach to dating in which you raise your standards and resolve to be a lot less tolerant and accepting when you aren't treated with kindness and respect. The new Sophia would have laughed at your ex-ex for being so self-absorbed and egomanical, and if he got offended, you'd be able to brush it off and not take his absurd and rude rantings personally. People can only hurt you and upset you and make you feel terrible if you let people who want to bring you down to have any influence in your life...I am so proud of you, sweetie, for cutting your toxic friend and even NG out of your life. You need to be your own best friend and work on making yourself feel happy, secure, confident, and optimistic, just as your friends here who love you try to do, and just the opposite of how the people you've known who try to drag you down in order to make themselves feel better have acted. Please remember that any man worth your tears won't make you cry, and if he does, he will apologize sincerely and make every effort to soothe your pain and make you happy deserve a million times better than a spoiled, selfish, self-obsessed little brat like your ex-ex. I say good riddance to him and all the other toxic personalities who should no longer have any ability to affect your feelings about yourself...hopefully it won't be long before I can say hello to some new men and friends who will make you feel like the amazing, gorgeous, and brilliant woman you are :D!! What do you think about the possibility of looking for them online again, where you can display your looks and brains and wit and don't have to worry about having single friends to help you meet eligible bachelors? Practice makes perfect, and at least you'd be able to work on your confidence and screening skills while being wined and dined in the city with the world's yummiest, but also most expensive, food...what do you say?

Lots of love from your cyber-sis and armed avenger (who is always at the forefront of the angry mob headed for any jerk who makes you cry!)

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