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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Affair?
Aug 8, 2005
About the porn, I can tell you that it is unhealthy, because I feel it demeans women (in the case of a man viewing) by reducing the act of lovemaking to nothing more than sex, meaningless sex, in fact. I am a man, by the way, and I struggle with a pretty unhealthy porn obsession myself. I know that it had a role in the destruction of my marriage, as well as sex continues to be at the root of my self-esteem issues and as such a major hurdle in the search for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

I skipped to the end of this thread, so I apoligize for any assumptions I make due to an abscence of facts, but I can say with conviction that an emotional affair on one side and a porn obsession on the other is cause for concern, and commands counseling. My marriage ended largely because of an emotional affair that turned sexual, a relationship that in turn didn't work out and continues to be a problem for me in my recovery.

Porn is as much a feeding of the addiction as any. Doesn't matter what it is, the addict will always find a way to use. I don't know if past addiction is present in this situation, but I know that it could be possible based on what I'm hearing.

I urge you to break off your affair with this man, if you haven't already, confront your husband about the porn and seek counseling. If I had done the same thing, although I'm not saying I still wouldn't have divorced my wife, at least I would have done the best I could to save the marriage. In many ways, I was already gone before the bomb even dropped, so to speak. Now there is far too much guilt and shame involved, and it continues to hamstring my ability to have a healthy relationship as a result.

I wish you luck

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