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Relationship Health Message Board

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Wow, I agree that you do sound quite skinny...I can understand why a woman that thin would no longer possess the kind of curves most men want to see. I guess you're right though Sophia that it all depends on your frame. But that still seems borderline unhealthy to me...then again, I have a very curvy figure (37-25-38; I just measured now to be accurate) and I know I weigh at least 140, maybe more, even though I'm only 5'3". Fortunately the weight is all in my breasts and butt and the rest of me is really petite and toned, but I nonetheless get the impression that the men I've dated would be quite happy if I'd weigh even more than I do now. They always compliment me on having nice curves and make sure I know they wouldn't mind seeing me even heavier, and I don't even think I have that big a frame. I'm not excusing what your BF said, but it is possible you could be quite underweight depending on your frame. Remember that most women today, conditioned by years of seeing models and actresses with anorexic BMIs, are totally out of touch with what men find attractive when it comes to our bodies...we find extremely lean women with no extra flesh whatsoever to be ideal while men usually find these women rather nasty. You never hear men lusting after the skinniest actresses about whom magazines always feature
"diet secrets"; instead they're all about J Lo and Beyonce and pre-diet Jessica Simpson.

Anyway, it is important to remember that men prefer women to be curvier than most women find ideal or even attractive in some cases. So it's possible that your BF is concerned that you've dropped an unhealthy (and also unflattering) amount of weight and is trying to let you know he'd rather see you looking curvier and is worried about your health as a result of the amount of pounds you're shedding. That said, Sophia is right that some women are naturally slim...was your natural weight closer to how you are now or how you were before, when your BF mentioned he preferred your curvier figure? Remember that sometimes people, especially guys, can be pretty clueless when it comes to expressing their concern...he could be worried that you're going overboard with weight loss but not able to express that in a caring manner. But if that's not the case, then as long as you are healthy and take good care of your body, your BF has no place whatsoever criticizing anything about your looks. And the other posters are 100% right that you should never feel pressured to change yourself to please anyone but YOU! I don't like the sound of a boyfriend saying anything that's not completely positive and complimentary about his girlfriend's looks...that seems pretty insecure and controlling to me, but I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt in case he's trying to be a good BF rather than a critical jerk. Has he ever put you down or tried to make you feel bad about yourself before? Does he ever compare you to other women or be anything but completely complimentary when it comes to your looks, personality, intelligence, talents, etc? If either answer is yes, then you may need to end this relationship or risk damaging your sense of self-esteem and self-worth. I'd hate to see a wonderful woman let a boyfriend erode her confidence and independence when it comes to considering herself beautiful...I'm sure you are great just the way you are, and so I'd suggest telling your boyfriend in a very firm manner that he'll be out on his *** if he ever criticizes you like that again. If that doesn't do the trick, I think you'd be a lot happier and just generally better off without him. Whatever you do, please don't let anyone's opinion cause you to change the way you look or the way you perceive your looks!!
Whoa!!! Never change yourself to please a man. This is a huge mistake. Men are into women who like themselves the way they are. If you like yourself better when you are thinnner, then for heaven's sake, don't gain weight to please your boyfriend.

I think something else is going on here. You mentioned that he has gained weight. Men that are insecure about themselves will put women down.

I'm 5'7" and weigh 125 to 130 pounds. But, I work out with weights so I look smaller even though I weigh a little more on the scale. I wear a size 6. I'm very happy with my figure. If a man does appreciate me for who I really am, then I don't want him.

Sometimes when a man starts to lose interest in a woman, he tends to become critical and finds little things to start fights about.

Just back away from him for awhile and quit being the one to do all the giving. Don't call him for awhile and don't answer when he calls. If he doesn't appreciate you for who you really are, then he's not the one for you.

Things could turn around if you just be yourself and don't let his negative comments get to you. It might be a really good idea to take a break from him for awhile, so he can get his head straight about what he wants. Anyway, good luck!

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