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Hi all, thanks for reading.

Hi, so I broke up with my boyfriend, I think it's permanent. It's frustrating in this relationship because we'd always have 5 or more *wonderful days, then one day of non- trust and jealousy. This last time he found two guy names on my phone and asked me in a really aggressive way who they were. I told him that they were landlords (the truth, I'm moving soon). But found out he called the numbers himself (and hung up), and he didn't believe me anyways. I would have had him call them himself and verify them being landlords, but why shouldn't he trust my word as I was always honest, truthful, and faithful 100%, and yet, he was always suspicious.

Now I'm frustrated with myself. Security is gone, so is my hopes of having kids with him and being his wife. I loved him, but I know love is not jealous. He was my first, we did everything together.

I also feel like I need to take care of him when I know I need to be firm. I feel so bad for him and how upset he is. He keeps begging me to take him back (like before), but I know things will never change. IF only he didn't act so jealous-i wanted to be his team and support.

He's being pushy and won't stop calling and begging me. He just texted me that he will go to anger management so he will stop breaking my things, calling me names, and being jealous. I feel in my heart that it's too little, too late. I certainly don't trust him. After him taking the classes it could be another story, but that's just speculation.

What do you guys think? Anyone have something similar to this? Please help.
Hi glogreenfrog-

If he's acting that way, you were absolutely right to break up with him. I haven't had exactly the same situation, but I did break up with someone who was controlling and had a bad temper which he took out on me all the time. I feel like I kind of know the personality type. It's great that he's going to anger management, but he should do that regardless of whether you come back because clearly he's got a problem. If you don't feel the same about him, then don't be with him. If a guy is abusive or treats you badly, it's perfectly reasonable for your feelings about him to change. You don't owe him anything just because you loved him or because he treats you well sometimes. If you still love him and want to be with him, that's another story. In that case, I'd still say it's right to break up with him, and if he's motivated to change, wait until you see the change and see that it's lasting (not just holding it together for a month until you come back).

With my ex, he went to therapy for his temper and his other issues (after I left). However, most of what I saw were small changes. It didn't really matter because while I still cared about him on one level, I just didn't like him very much anymore. The longer I spent apart from him, the better I felt about myself and my life, the less I wanted to share it with someone who treated me like that. I have a wonderful boyfriend now who treats me really well and wouldn't dream of putting me down and who genuinely wants to support me as much as i support him. I'm so glad I didn't settle for less.

That's me though. Do you still feel like you want to be with this guy and are forcing yourself to break up with him? Or are you fed up and want to move on and feeling guilty because he's sad and making promises?





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