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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi everyone, it's Stacy :wave:. Some of you have been helping me all along since I went through a devastating breakup in March and know everything that's happened since. For those who weren't along for the bumpy ride :), basically, things deteriorated for several months before the relationship ended, but I was still optimistic about the relationship's future until it was finally over for good. While I didn't really want to end things, I had seen the problems increasing and was relieved to some degree to no longer have to fight an uphill battle in terms of keeping us together. It was quite difficult to adjust to life without my boyfriend, who had spent every night in my bed since we met 3+ years ago and been there like a rock through the onset of chronic illness, several moves and different living situations, and much family drama. We were extremely close best friends who shared everything and never imagined ourselves apart until the end was clearly near...while I wasn't that upset to lose him as a boyfriend, as I saw that decision was for definitely for the best, it was heartbreaking all of a sudden to have such a cherished friend ripped out of my life.

But I decided I wasn't going to let the split get me down anymore than necessary, so I worked really hard to focus on the future, stay optimistic, keep busy, and go out and have a lot of fun with new guys. I really enjoy men and dating and was excited for the opportunity to be single and free again...I did online dating, which far exceeded my expectations, and I had a lot of fun for several months meeting different men. In May I started talking with a guy who seemed to click with me in every possible way...he truly had all the qualities I was looking for in a partner, and was even a much better match for me than my ex. I was thrilled to meet him in person and see that the chemistry existed in real life as well as through our email correspondence, and we started dating exclusively after a few wonderful dates. Everything developed pretty naturally, and the more time we spent together, the more we enjoyed each other's company. I think we both see ourselves as a great match and have grown closer and closer since we've met...basically, I really really like him, he's a great guy who treats me wonderfully, and things are moving along comfortably and smoothly.

At the time, I didn't feel like it was too soon to get involved with another guy, as I've never been one to mourn relationships for very long or to wait long before moving on to another guy. I didn't think I was on the rebound and honestly, the thought never crossed my mind that we had gotten involved too quickly until a few days ago. Nothing has gone wrong or happened within the new relatoinship to make me unhappy or pessimistic; I wonder if I just subconsciously want to create drama or something? I've been feeling kind of down and sad at times lately, not for any specific reason, although my chronic pain takes a toll on me and lately I've been missing my close friends, most of whom have now left my area now that it's been a few years since we finished college. I'm just not particularly enthusiastic about anything, which is something that's developed only very recently, maybe within the last week or so. And now with all this negativity, I'm wondering if maybe I made a bad decision to get involved in another fairly serious relationship so soon after the last one ended. It's not that anything is wrong or disappointing about my new relationship, it's just that I'm feeling sort of unsatisfied in general and wondering if it might be nicer to be free to date around and experience a lot of different guys. It could be one of those grass is always greener things, where the single life seems great to me from within the perspective of a committed relationship, especially since I've been in relationships the vast majority of the time since I started dating.

I enjoyed my few months experiencing the singles life again, and I can't help but wonder, in my current bummed out state of mind, if I wouldn't be better off if I was still single and dating around. It's almost like I don't feel like I deserve to have a great new relationship because I'm so down on myself and uncertain about my future...I'm questioning just about everything at this point, and I know that I don't want to make any stupid, rash decisions or take my new BF for granted. Again, up until very recently I couldn't have been happier or more pleased with my new relationship, and nothing has happened to change that...these recent doubts have come at the same time as my general melancholy and bouts of pretty severe sadness and crying. I don't know what to think or what to do at this point...I'm not really sure even what I'm truly thinking, and I know it would be a bad move to make any decisions in my current confused, pessimistic, and just generally numb state of mind. I'm not sure if I'm doing anything right these days, so I'm sure it's no coincidence that I'm also questioning whether I was smart to hop into another relationship when I did.

Do you guys think this is just a passing phase, since I've never had any doubts like this up until very recently, at the same time I started feeling sad? Again, I know that for many people, getting into another relationship so soon after a breakup might seem drastic or like a rebound, but it's pretty par for the course for me and certainly has never bothered me in the past, even when I've jumped from one relationship to the next with considerably less waiting period in between. That said, I do enjoy the single life...I'm a lot more like a stereotypical guy than a woman when it comes to my approach to dating and sex. I'm not someone who is eager to find deep, commited relationships and only have sex with a select few people who I truly love...I mean I do want and seek these things, but I also just love lots of different men and enjoy experiencing a wide variety of guys, both socially and physically. I'm almost feeling like I'd imagine a guy who's a bit of a womanizer would feel facing the possibility of commitment and having to give up his lifestyle involving many different women...I like that lifestyle, but I haven't had much time to experience it, having had a long series of monogamous, serious relationships filling up most of my adult years.

Did I make a mistake by getting involved in my new relationship when I did? I was planning on being single for awhile, but when I met a great guy who was an incredibly compatible match for me, I figured I'd be stupid to let that go, as I know it's tough to find a fulfilling relationship on demand. So many people would kill to find a relationship like my new one, and it's certainly everything I want in a why in the world am I questioning it? Do you think it's just because I need to conjure up some drama and turmoil because I'm feeling sad in general lately? Am I ungrateful and complacent now that I've settled again into a happy relationship...maybe I don't appreciate how lucky I am and am being foolish and taking my BF for granted by even having these thoughts? Or is there maybe some reason for my recent thoughts about being single, like my instincts trying to tell me something? If so though, wouldn't I be an idiot to throw away a great relationship with a wonderful man for an uncertain future? I have no idea about how I would actually act on these feelings if I decided to give them credence and follow through on them...these are just vague thoughts that have only been floating around in my head for a few days, and I don't want to make decisions while I'm feeling so down and confused :confused:. You have been so wonderful to me in the past guys, in helping steer me through the breakup and its aftermath and through the development of my new relationship with J...please, if you have any advice or insight for me now, I would appreciate it more than I can say. I love you guys and thanks a million for everything!! :wave:

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