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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago. It was a long, drawn out affair, instigated by me. I knew for a long time we were not compatible enough although I loved him dearly - despite our many fights and differences he was probably the only man I have dated (I am 31) who I actually considered marrying. Anyway, the point is I KNOW breaking up was the right thing to do, and still feel that way, as excruciating painful as it was at the time.
Since then, I have started casually dating another man and while it is nothing serious, he is a great guy and a caring & fun new friend - the classic rebound "friend with benefits". So I have started moving on. However, I just found out yesterday that my ex has a new girlfriend - and I am freaking out!! Why??
I cant quite figure it out but no amount of logic seems to be quelling this intense pain. I had the most horrible and heartrending dream about him last night in which he was cruelly rejecting me - meanwhile I was the one in real life who initiated our breakup! I know this is a common reaction to hearing of a past loves' first relationship since the one you shared - but I could really use some empathy right now, stuck here at work still aching over the thought of him excited over his new girl, sleeping with her - and feeling "disposable" (and yes, I know how hypocritical it is!) Anyone going through this, or remembering all too well this annoying, illogical post-breakup phenomena?? What is the best way to deal with it?

(also - when we broke up he kept saying again and again how part of his problem is that he jumps into relationships too quicky - never spent enough time single, is terrfied of being alone, etc...and how he is determined to spend this next year ALONE - not starting a relationship, just occasioanlly dating - in order to be a less narcissistic, learn about himself, and be more attentive boyfriend next time around. Yet now, a month later, he has lept full force into a new one. I cant tell you how much I am fighting the urge to send him a totally passive agressive judgemental email accusing him of breaking his "rule"....help!)





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