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Relationship Health Message Board


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what great responces! thanks everyone!
Yes, its really hard and infuriating...it really feels more painful than the initial breakup! It does help to think of how it would really be if we were to have stayed together, or would get back together, and I know in my heart that he doesn't not have it in him to change - at least not for a long, long time. Do I want to spend the next 15 years waiting for him to mature enough to enjoy sharing himself with me and other people, to truly enjoy life and not just be totally self/work obsessed? Hell no! I know he loved me and wanted to stay with me more than anything - and if he wasn't able to break out of his ********** THEN, to save our relationship (because believe me, he had plenty of chances - couples therapy, etc) why on earth do I think he would be able to magically do it now? Despite that realization, I cant control my mind from thinking, ridiculously, that the new girl will get the "good" version of him, that us breaking up somehow transformed him and now someone else will get the "fruits" of my exhausting 2 years. Ha! Sounds ridiculous, but my mind keeps going there anyway and its like a stab in the heart. Why am I intentionally hurting myself with these fantasies?? Maybe I jumped into dating, however casually, too soon, and never fully dealt with his absence?
As far as the question why do some exes have more impact on us than others, I have a GREAT link to a site that beautifully answers that question! But I think we are not allowed to add links (which I totally dont understand, btw!) Could I add it? I think it would be so helpful to people here - goes into how we cant get over them because we got enough of what we needed to keep us hanging on, but never enough to make us feel safe in the relationship - and that precarious balance is what makes it so difficult to let go - the anger in the fact that they COULD give it some of the time, but just in small doses...its hard to think they just aren't intentionally depriving you, etc, & the lingering resentment...





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