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Hi Nakita,

Thanks for responding. I have not gone to the trailer and cannot reach him by phone/email since he has no phone line that I know of as of yet. I cannot help the anger and heartache I feel. Just the weekend before, we were cuddling in bed watching tv together. Just prior to that, I accompanied him to a court hearing (he's got a lawsuit pending against a former client - he's self-employed). I'd actually gone into work an hour early, left to go to court with him, back to work again and out to the hotel after work. The next day I picked up carry-out since he was low on money. When I met him in front of the courthouse, his eyes lit up and he seemed so happy to see me there. He was affectionate and kissed me. I'd bought him a new pair of jeans to wear since all of his other jeans had seen better days and I know he's self-conscious of his appearance, especially in that type of environment. So I guess what I don't understand is the possible sudden 'breaking away'...why? We had not argued or even remotely disagreed about anything.

That same week, he'd called me from work asking me to do some favors for him, which I did. Yesterday I had a call from the woman at the trailer park office looking for him about some paperwork he needs to turn in. She mentioned that he'd listed the number she called as 'his' phone number. Well, it was my cell phone number she'd called. I get so many mixed messages that I never know where I stand with my husband. And, no matter how hard I try to assure him of my love, support and caring for him, this happens frequently. The last time was in January when he was kicked out of his pain management program for abusing oxycontin. I'm wondering now if, since it seems like his father's trying to 'nudge' him and monitor his paychecks, maybe he's finding it more difficult to buy any drugs he may be abusing. I just have no idea anymore. He began this job as a subcontractor in late March and within 2 months had 3 or 4 major conflicts (1 of them a fist fight).

I had thought about sending him a letter to his parents' address (since I don't know the actual address of the trailer), but now you have me second-guessing that when you said not to contact him. So I'll put that on hold unless I hear otherwise from you.

Thank you for your help. It means a lot to me. I feel so defeated in all this. My friends think it is more likely a drug problem at the present time.

Scared Wife
I read the book, I hate you, don't leave me, and now I'm reading stop walking on eggshells, taking your life back when someone you care about has BPD.
I came right out and told my (estranged) boyfriend, that I think he has BPD, that he should search it out and read about it, and see if it sounds like him. He went to 2 counselling sessions, regarding anger management, which is what I thought the problem was, until I realized that anger is just a symptom of the problem, which is BPD. I asked him to ask his counsellor about it. I even went so far to tell him...."tell your counsellor to start treating you for BPD, I've already done his homework for him". LOL
I hope he does research it, and it opens his eyes, but now after reading some stuff from BP's (as the book calls them), sometimes, you shouldn't open their eyes to denial, (if they're not ready to face it), because once they realize that they have a black hole in their life, it can be devastating to them. I never saw him exhibit suicidal tendencies, but that's the only one of the 8 signs, that doesn't fit him. I think he may have tried to OD on pills a long time ago, maybe 20 years ago, but he has never threatened it to me. Now I wonder if I did something wrong? I wanted to continue the relationship if he could get control of his anger, but now after learning about BPD, I think it's hopeless, and I don't really know what to do. I don't want to push him into hurting himself, but I don't want to stay out of guilt. The last couple times I saw him, was only out of guilt because I felt sorry for him. I haven't seen him much lately, I keep rejecting him, and that upsets him too. I don't know how to proceed and would appreciate any suggestions!
Thanks!





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