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Relationship Health Message Board

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A person with depression or bi-ploar disorder will usually remain in the same mood for weeks at a time. Someone with BPD can have intense moods of anger, depression and anxiety that may last a few moments to several hours at atime. When this happens, the BPD may be extremely impulsive or aggressive, may try to harm oneself, or abuse drugs and/or alcohol. Someone with BPD, untreated, usually feels isolated or abandoned, even with people around. BPD's have no idea who they really are, and have trouble describing themselves. They feel that no one will or can understand them.

People with BPD can go from absolutely loving and adoring someone, but when the slightest of conflict happens, the BPD will become excessively angry and begin to dislike or even hate that person. They will accuse others of abusing them, or abandoning them. Accusations of making them Feel something or nothing at all.

It is typical for someone with BPD to initially believe the OTHER person in the relationship has the problem. BPD's have a distorted way of seeing things, such as behaviors of themselves and others, and/or a distored view of relationship

Example: I have BPD, I was diagnosed when I was 15, I am now almost 42. I am recovering. If I'm having a bad day, or what I call an 'episode', I take all kinds of things the wrong way. My husband could be putting silverware away from the dishwasher and drop something. In MY mind, he's mad at me, and won't tell me, but he's throwing things. OR, he can shut the bathroom door,and I will HEAR a slam....I can brood, cry, scream and carry on, with out any apparent reason. And when the episode is over, I don't remember what all the fuss was about to begin with.

I agree that this Master's student could NOT possible diagnose your boyfriend with only seeing him three times. And I'll be that she didn't see him in a PROFESSIONAL setting either. BPD's get really good at acting, and seeming to have it all together when around friends and acquaintances.

BPD is one of the hardest personality disorders to diagnose, since it mimics so many others: depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, hystrionics and mostly bipolar disorder.

If he's not willing to take a good clear look at himself, there is nothing you can do about it, except to protect yourself. If he's not physically hurting you, or emotionally draining you, then I would drop the subject for a while. If he IS abusing you in ANY WAY, get out of there...

He may have to hit rock bottom, financially, legally, physically, to get the help he needs.

To help yourself, there are many good books and workbooks out there on the subject, and how to support and love someone with BPD

I hope I've been of some help
I read the book, I hate you, don't leave me, and now I'm reading stop walking on eggshells, taking your life back when someone you care about has BPD.
I came right out and told my (estranged) boyfriend, that I think he has BPD, that he should search it out and read about it, and see if it sounds like him. He went to 2 counselling sessions, regarding anger management, which is what I thought the problem was, until I realized that anger is just a symptom of the problem, which is BPD. I asked him to ask his counsellor about it. I even went so far to tell him...."tell your counsellor to start treating you for BPD, I've already done his homework for him". LOL
I hope he does research it, and it opens his eyes, but now after reading some stuff from BP's (as the book calls them), sometimes, you shouldn't open their eyes to denial, (if they're not ready to face it), because once they realize that they have a black hole in their life, it can be devastating to them. I never saw him exhibit suicidal tendencies, but that's the only one of the 8 signs, that doesn't fit him. I think he may have tried to OD on pills a long time ago, maybe 20 years ago, but he has never threatened it to me. Now I wonder if I did something wrong? I wanted to continue the relationship if he could get control of his anger, but now after learning about BPD, I think it's hopeless, and I don't really know what to do. I don't want to push him into hurting himself, but I don't want to stay out of guilt. The last couple times I saw him, was only out of guilt because I felt sorry for him. I haven't seen him much lately, I keep rejecting him, and that upsets him too. I don't know how to proceed and would appreciate any suggestions!

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